When you are calling any call center (and here's how to identify those numbers, they start with 800,866,877,888 and are generally "toll-free") here are some hints if you want to mar the otherwise good day of your customer service representative:

In no particular order:

1. Start talking to the representative about your particular problem without giving any of your account information. Ask really specific questions and then get huffy when they can't be answered without your account information. Request to be transferred to a manager.

2. Expect things that are above and beyond the usual role of "person answering the phone, level 1" and mention repeatedly how long you have been doing business with their particular company. Explain that while you like the company itself, you don't particularly care about the representative answering the phone and bearing the brunt of your insults because they are just "person answering the phone, level 1". Request to be transferred to a manager.

3. Remove anything resembling a sense of humor before contacting the company. Should the person you are talking to actually possess a sense of humor, Request to be transferred to a manager. (The manager will NOT have a sense of humor, thus alleviating the problem.)

4. Blame the representative for anything that causes you to have to pay more than what you expected to be your "fair share" (which is roughly about 3 cents) and ask how much other people have to pay for the same item. Refuse to listen to anything that remotely holds YOU accountable for why your things cost more, Request to be transferred to a manager.

5. Talk to other people in the room while you are on the phone with the customer service person. Have lengthy conversations, and have them loudly. You're the customer, that voice on the line is merely there to service you and that may mean having to listen to you arguing with your wife that you are being a tad too friendly and maybe flirting with the representative. You probably ARE flirting with the representative. Your wife will request to be transferred to a manager.

6. Ask for information and advice about products and services that you have no intentions of using or buying. Ask really lengthy, nit-picky questions. If you don't get the answers you want, you should (all together now) Request to be transferred to a manager.

7. Do not update information. Do not verify information. What is this a quiz show? Are we dating? Why do they need all of this information?! Request to be transferred to a manager.

8. Call from a cell phone with a really bad signal and yell all of your answers to questions. Deny knowledge that there is a problem with the phone. When bad cell connection is cut off and you have to call back because of it, call back and get angry with innocent new person answering the phone because now you have to :::huff::: start ALL over again! Request to be transferred to a manager.

9. Have other people who are not authorized to discuss your personal business call and ask for information. When it is explained that in order to protect YOUR privacy we can't release information to just any Joe off the street, have that person request to be transferred to a manager.

10. And finally (because I'm running out of stuff) when in doubt, holding a screaming baby next to the telephone receiver is always a great way to mar anyone's day -- and that peson probably made your baby cry with their dumb answers to your well-thought out questions anyways! REQUEST TO BE TRANSFERRED TO A MANAGER!

***** Funny, I actually had a good day today but just felt like cooking up this list. *********

Toodles,
HP