I think one of the things that I am still working on in my adult life and "maturing up" is the notion that if I am at home alone on a weekend night that this does not mean that I am a failure as a social human being. I have not achieved this state of grace. EVEN when the alternative is to spend time with grumpy boyfriend, this somehow seems more appealing to me than sitting at home and watching a movie and finding my living room floor... [Sidebar: my new project is trying to organize ALL of my pictures so that I can finally put them in order in a photo album, instead of this big huge jumbled mess of a shoebox.] Or I could go out and hang out with my other friends, except that I'm so far off the radar with most of my other friends that it seems odd to call them and ask them to do something late on a Saturday. Or I could go grocery shopping, except I still have so much leftover beer in my frig that I doubt I could fit any real food. Or I could sit and type these random alternatives to what I could do with my evening here on my blog. So many choices and yet the only one that's "appealing" is the previously planned activity of spending time with previously mentioned grumpy boyfriend. What're you gonna do?

About the pictures though... It's a weird thing, those photographs. In part because of yesterday's subject of vanity -- seeing myself through the past few years. (I only have post-divorce records of my life.) And seeing all of the things that I've done and places that I've gone and the people who have come and gone through my life, captured on film. Odd. I see pictures of people who not even terribly long ago meant great things to me and my life and now, I don't even know what those people are doing now -- and many cases, don't even care! I wonder if they ever have those same fleeting thoughts about me? Some of them I think I just drifted from because they didn't call, I didn't call and then it just got to be too much trouble to call. The inevitable need to "catch up." It's like the A and B friends I was mentioning before. But even some of those people were in Category A, but chose to let themselves out of my life. Odd again that I don't care more about that. Relationships and people in general really are the forefront of my life -- people are my "thing" after all. Truly scary how easy it is to let them go and to be let go by them. Sometimes you have to wonder: what's the point anyways if it's just that easy to leave??

Wow. Ok. Clearly we are reaching danger alert level for need to improve mood. Must. contact. people....

HP