First They Came for the Jews

First they came for the Jews
and I did not speak outbecause I was not a Jew.
Then they came for the Communists
and I did not speak outbecause I was not a Communist.
Then they came for the trade unionists
and I did not speak outbecause I was not a trade unionist.
Then they came for me
and there was no one left
to speak out for me.

Pastor Martin Niemöller


I've been thinking about this a lot lately. We live in a country where our president thinks it's okay to eavesdrop on you if you belong to a group of people who meet and speak freely about your disagreements with American policies, just because you happen to be of Muslim faith.

We live in a country where Brokeback Mountain is in the top 10 in the movie theaters, just won a Golden Globe -- and yet our Congress is trying to pass a Constitutional Amendment stating that a marriage is between a man and a woman.

We live in a country where our President goes to war for one reason, claims a victory that didn't happen and then changes the reason for continuing the war and the American people just blindly go along with it.

The rich are getting richer, the poor are getting poorer and people who's homes washed away with the hurricanes are ignored because they're poor.

And no one really seems to care. Because, they're Christian and heterosexual and reasonably affluent so it's not affecting them.

Well, when it does affect you, who's going to care about speaking up for you? There won't be anyone left.

And I can type away at my blog soapbox while watching all of my guilty pleasure tv, and what have I done?

First they came for the Muslims...

Lame Interviews and Fat Church

I interviewed for an internal promotion today. It's a teeny step and not even something I'm honestly sure I wanted, but... I was ridiculously nervous during the interview. Ridiculous. I could not think of the answers to anything and really think I blew it. This makes me think that if/when we do move to Charlotte, I'm afraid that Scott is going to have to get some amazing job because I don't want to interview for another job ever again.

Think of a time it was critical that you understood someone. What? I'm not a General, I'm not handling bombs, what kind of situation could come up that is critical that I understood someone? And I just gave the lamest answers. I just wanted to crawl under the table or better yet just leave. Yup, that's all I've got folks. There are no good answers in here. My job is not critical. And the other questions were equally as generic and yet almost life or death related. (Not that I can remember them because my brain has been erased by the stress and then relief that at least it's over with.) Sigh.

It's one thing to think you don't interview well, it's another to know.

And then I went to Fat Church, which is only what I call it in my head as we are not allowed to use the F-word at Weight Watchers. I realized on the way home that I haven't really written about how that's going in a while, which is funny to me for some reason. (A lot of things are funny to me for some reason, most of which generally are not funny to other people.) When I wrote the highlights of 2004, I had a hard time finding posts that weren't about losing weight. I bet you're thinking that I haven't been doing it, that I fell off the wagon. But, that's not true. It's really just that it's become part of my life, part of my routine. So, I'm still losing weight (down 27 pounds), and I'm happy about it but I try not to be so focused on it in my conversation all the time...

Not that I'm always successful. See, Weight Watchers has become my church and I guess that makes the scale my demi-god that I pray in front of weekly. I make sacrifices for my "god" and I try to live a life that my god would approve of. The meeting leader is life the preacher and she gives sermons and words that we are to live by. I feel uplifted when I leave and ready to stay on track. The people all have similar belief systems and some of them are more strident in their beliefs than others. We offer each other strength and encouragement. We spread the word to "outsiders" and try to get new members. It IS Fat Church and I really do love it. Because, how can I not? 27 pounds is a lot of weight to put down and I have a ways to go but don't even feel discouraged or scared by that because I know it's going to be okay.

word of the day

From one of our most favorite guilty pleasure shows, Beauty and the Geek, this word comes from one of the beauties. I don't remember the exact quote, but it was something like she has over 200 pairs of shoes and handbags and whenever she sees a pair of shoes she really likes she has a shoegasm.

shoegasm: n.

1. The peak of shoe excitement, characterized by strong feelings of pleasure and by a series of involuntary squeals in an octave range not normally found in humans, usually accompanied by the exchange of cash for footwear.

Why is it that I have to look up the correct spelling for questionnaire every time I write the word and that I can't remember my own mother's zip code, but I find quirky words and phrases and they just stick to the roof of my brain like peanut butter??

And what is up with this peanut butter craving I have had going on?

That's another blog, but no -- I'm not.

bloggedy blog

School started tonight. Statistics class and then my Soc 202 class online.

I think I'm going to like Stats. It was wordy. I like words.

I really hate it when I blog just to blog...

It's just really not me but here we are again. My life, while not perfect, is pretty good. I mean, what is there to talk about?

I'm not dating, I'm not confused about where my life is going -- stick a fork in me, I'm done.

Well, not done per se. I'm just saying don't give me a bunch of crap if there isn't a post every 3 hours here. It would throw you into a coma. ("Went to work, ate 18 points, trying to figure out what to eat for dinner on 8 points. Walked one mile. Watched 16 hours of Lost in 2 sittings.")

I LOVE being married to Scott, things are going great. Now. But, the fact is that we're not always shining sunshine out of our ass, but I don't talk about that stuff. Why? NO ONE TALKS ABOUT THAT STUFF, YOU MORON. It's part of the cult. I'm probably never going to talk about the ins and outs of it in detail. Why? Frankly, it's dull. We watch a lot of tv together, we giggle about stuff only we find funny, we flirt, we watch more tv, we sleep, we eat, we fart, whatever. It's your life being watched by someone else.

I have been wanting to go off on a whole marriage thing, actually. I know someone that got engaged to someone that... Well, she's engaged, she says she's happy. Less than 48 hours before it happened, she was crying in my house about this guy, but now she's happy. Ooookay. What can I do? What can I say? I said congratulations. Did I mean it?

I don't know.

I stayed up not long before that until almost when the sun came up (or was the sun coming up??) listening to all of the dark sides of this relationship without having any prior knowledge and all of the rationalization for the behavior. And now, you've got a ring and everything's great? Are you serious?

Sorry. Sorry. But, it bothers me to watch people make mistakes I made in the past.

So, here's my thing. Do not marry anyone ever for the sake of being married. Marriage itself with the wrong person sucks. Because you are trapped every waking moment (not at work/school/whatever you can do to get out of the house) with the same person. That is a lot of time. Plus, you sleep next to them. Which means any of their weird sleep stuff is going to affect you. Don't get married because you want to cross that off your list. Simply because your biological clock is ticking. Because you don't want to face dating in your 30's.

Trust me, dating in your 30's is far superior to being married to the wrong person.

How do you know if it's the wrong person? Honestly, I think that if you are rationalizing behavior and rationalizing your reaction to being verbally abused -- that doesn't seem like the right person.

I got lucky. I did. Scott is it for me. He is the gin in my vermouth, he is my peanut butter, and all of the other mushy comparisons. Did I have doubts? Well, yes, I did. But, I go back to the core of the man and how happy I am with this man and there can never be any other. When we are together, we are like ridiculous five year old kids. Laughing and giggling and just generally being a little stupid. It's not grown up, it's not "mature" and it's not for everyone. But I know it's for me and I know that there's nothing else.

Check your gut. Your gut knows, even when you don't want to believe what it says.

Can you tell I've over-indulged in wine for the first time in a while? :)


xoxo

hpl

Our Lost Weekend

I started the weekend with so many good intentions, but then something happened. We got lost.

No, I mean "Lost," the ABC show about the castaways.

We tried to watch it last season, but with the creature in the forest and the show always ending just when you were about to find out what was going on, we were a little over it. People kept talking about it, there was lots of buzz but by then it was a little late. There was so much to catch up on and not enough time.

But, this season, Scott started watching it again. And because it was on, I would catch up on an episode here or there. I was pretty interested, though still a bit put off by the cheese factor. So, I asked him to use his alternative means to procure the first season.

And that's where my weekend went. From Thursday night on, we have been huddled around Scott's computer watching season one. We barely moved except to get water or pee and then when we had to forage for food.

There are a lot of reasons that I got so sucked in, but I really do think that when you watch any tv show without any commercials and without having to wait for the next week for the resolution to the cliffhanger -- your viewing experience is substantially improved. I have a friend who is just as addicted to Smallville as we are, but she won't watch the show during the "regular" season because she can't stand to wait to see what's going to happen. She just waits for the season to come out on dvd.

I somewhat agree, but having to wait week to week isn't as bad as having to wait a year.

Anyways, back to "Lost."

I have a feeling that many of you regular readers (ha!) are either in one of two categories: already watching the show or have no time or energy to watch the show. Therefore, I won't go into the whole background of the show. Because, here's the reason that I like it -- it's the background stories of the characters compared to their current lives on the island. You get to see their motivations, which is something you don't get in real life. Understanding people's motivations is one of my own passion's. If I can understand why you do what you do, then maybe I can learn to understand your actions and not judge who you are.

Still, it makes you wonder why they don't just share their stories, what have they got to lose now? Well, there wouldn't be any drama, duh!

So, I have a new crack addiction. I wish there was more to watch, but there's just a few episodes this season to catch up on and then we're like regular people again.

Well, as regular as we get. :)

2005 ends, 2006 begins

I thought I would start off the new year by pulling some of my favorite stuff from my blog this year.

Might as well start off by completely indulging in my known vanity and love for myself, eh?

I tried to narrow it down to some of my favorite blurbs from each month...

From 1/29/05: Funny Thing Happened at the Baby Viewing

So, I ask one of the wives if she and her husband are getting ready to have kids (because this is apparently what you do now) and she said to me (and I am NOT making this up), "Well, we got married, and we bought a house, and so it's the natural next step. I mean, we even have the dog."Are you friggin' kidding me?? I beg you to tell me that you are, I wanted to say. But, instead, I just laughed politely and tried to change the subject. You see, I didn't realize there was an order to these things. That there was a law that once you got married and bought a house, that if you then got a dog then :::BING::: you were trained for parenthood.

From 2/6/05: Later on in the week, I got into a heated discussion with a customer about his bill. I tried to explain his billing to him, and how he hadn't even made a payment on the item he was claiming to have been overcharged for. When I explained this to him, he said he understood what I was saying but still didn't believe me. Asked to speak to my manager, who had already been listening to the call. He then proceeded to tell my manager that I had called the man a cracker. That's right -- a cracker. Apparently, the fact that I am also a "cracker" had somehow escaped his notice.

From 2/23/05: I wish I knew what happened to Arnold. I'm worried about him. Do you wonder how much he thinks about that? Do you wonder how something like that changed his life? To always suspect that people think you're a little weird is one thing, to have them affirm it by covering you in duct tape and throwing you in a dumpster. Well, that's just something else, isn't it?

From 3/29/05: Smug Marrieds

I hate the unwritten rule that newlyweds are never allowed to talk about stuff like that --their lives are now supposed to be perfect because guess what you won the lottery--you're married! You and Scott give me hope for the smug marrieds.

So, because we are not spouting sunshine from our asses, THIS is giving hope to the singletons?

From 4/5/05: Becoming friends with someone is truly like dating. You have all the get to know you crap and then it's time to decide if you're going to show them your dustbunnies and your bongs or what. And, just like dating, when you have that bad experience with the friend who is just not that in to you, it's hard to get back in the saddle and start cultivating new friendships. Because who has time for all that work??

From 5/24/05: The wonderful thing about PMS is that you really can't believe that you are ever going to feel happy or joyous ever again. It's just this chronic state of crankiness that doesn't seem to dissipate and is made ALL the better by my beloved husband who insists that I am only not cranky about 5 days a month anyways.

From 6/25/05: Have you ever hung out with another couple and while you were driving home, compared their relationship to yours? Or just talked abouot some of the "odd things" you saw in the other couple? Did you ever wonder if they were doing the same thing to you? Did you ever wonder if their fighting was just for show? Or did you think it sure seems like they never fight? Are they this happy all the time? Why DON'T they get a room??

From 7/29/05: heard on the radio this morning

"This report was sponsored by Heritage for the Blind. Don't sell that old car, donate it to Heritage for the Blind..."

I'm sorry, but what are blind people going to do with my car? I'm a little disturbed by that.

Should I donate my old stereo to the deaf foundation??

From 8/11/05: Wow, I'm so deep in my shallowness now that my fingers would have gotten pruney -- if it weren't so shallow that is.

From 9/6/05: (This is much how you feel after you give him a really good show in bed and then he falls asleep right at your curtain call. If you do not understand this reference, then you are a lucky woman.)

From 10/3/05: You know how you're trying to remember something and you try so hard to remember it that then you can't remember why you wanted to remember it?? Yeah. Me too.

From 11/9/05: It's funny the little things we think we want. The things that entice us and attract us and that we think will fulfill and complete us. The bottomless cup you keep on filling again and again.

From 12/23/05: It's this sheer total happy feeling that just takes over and makes everything really shiny and bright. Where everyone is great and you love them and can't imagine ever feeling unhappy again? There's a sense of triumph over the unhappy phase, like HA! I beat that and look how bad I am. 12/23/05