Wow, I should let my head get kidnapped more often -- that was very sweet!

But on to the usual plethora of inane topics. Like -- my bowels... Insert corny music.

There has been much joking on Heather and her bizarre bowel issues, but oddly I think I have somehow managed NOT to blog about said issues. How can this be?

I am viewed as an oddity by much of the modern, crapping world because everything has to be "just so" for me to unleash the beast, as it were. The house has to be empty and it has to be MY house. I'm not really happy taking care of these things while others are around. I don't like people to know that I experience natural, smelly bodily functions. This takes away from my image as pristine woman. (Again, please keep in mind this is MY head, MY blog and therefore MY opinions -- frankly I do not care if anyone else really sees me as pristine.) I dated S for roughly 7 months before there was any movement going on in his vicinity. And even then, it was pretty much in my own house. It's only been in the last month or so that I've finally been able to take care of things at his house. A source of EXTREME amusement to him. Even HP2 mocks my issue. Says that I can drive along for hours and be fine but then as soon as I get close to my house I'm racing to come inside and poop. I can't figure out how my innards know that I'm at MY house.

Another thing is that because I'm particularly weird about this aspect of humanity, I can't understand other people's need to NOT be weird about it. For example, the various code phrases are particularly troubling to me. Particularly anything relating to children and pools. What is THAT about? That is NOT a pool and those are NOT your children. S compares some of his bolder movements to the Hulk and even goes into LURID detail and color and arrangement and so forth. Another friend now living in Korea has threatened to photograph some of her more amazing dumps. (Dumps... ew)

Also, other people's ability to shit A N Y W H E R E, but particularly in the bathroom at my job... This REALLY bothers me. Don't these people have bathrooms at home? Do they think this is what that room is for??? It's not as if it's well ventilated and let's not even get into the acoustic aspect. More disturbing though is when people drop their "kids" off at MY pool. I'm not talking about over-night guests, that's acceptable. I'm talking about people who come over and are here for like a couple of hours and are doing things in my bathroom that cause the wallpaper to peel from the wall in horror. Seriously. You couldn't WAIT to do that?? And what on EARTH did you have to eat today?

Yes. I have issues. I am a repressed, anal-retentive (pun intended) freak. I accept this. At least I'm not coming to your house and stinking up YOUR bathroom!

Well, except for S, but his house is like a vacation retreat at this point...

later,
HP