confession

Tonight I did something that I swore I would never do... This is going to be hard for some of you to read, so I apologize in advance. I was feeling weak, you understand. I haven't been myself lately. My hormones have thrown me all out of loop and I haven't had any CLEAR guidance. A helping hand is what I needed... I hope my boyfriend can forgive me for what I've done, because I just don't know how he is ever going to understand my actions.

I bought pants with a print on them tonight. Not just any print, not something meek and mild -- more befitting of someone of my size. But a bold print that shouts out, "HERE IS MY ASS IN ALL OF ITS DIMPLED GLORY!" Amen!

Yup. Printed pants. Paisley actually. Not sure what came over me. I was in the neon-lit daze that is late-night shopping at Wal-Mart and I didn't quite feel like jumping into my actual shopping needs. (Blush and body lotion that I already knew would wind up costing me $48 by the time all the impulse buys came into play.) I'm going out on the town Saturday night and I wanted to pick up a fun top. Nothing crazy, just a top. But then I saw these pants and they came in my "adult" size, so I thought -- what the hey, I'll just try them on. Well, needless to say, random Wal-Mart employee happened by while I was criticizing myself silently in the unforgiving three-way mirror. (Which was on the MEN'S side of the dressing room -- do men even know they HAVE asses? And if so, do they care what it looks like in pants? I thought when they started to care, they got wives who would tell them.) She was flattering, but honest -- which just suckered me in all the more. She said that the reason that the outfit looked good was because I was small in the waist, so I got a good shape for the look I was going for. And I agreed. I didn't think that the pants were THE most flattering thing I had ever tried on in my life, but they were fun and damn it, I want to have fun clothes and why should I be denied that just because I'm roundish? I even had the lady give me her opinion on another shirt I was planning to try on with the pants and we discussed shoe options. She wasn't on commission by any stretch, so I decided to take her word for and the pants came home with me.

Will I reget it? Yup. Will I get $34 worth of wear out of the pants and the two shirt options I purchased to go with them? This is where it gets to be an interesting question. Because, really -- what constitutes value in clothing? Longevity? Not necessarily, because some folks just wear the SHIT out of some of their clothes, whether they should or not -- and I am guilty of this for sure. Some things I will wear forever even when they don't look good anymore (and maybe never even did) because they're comfortable or fun or whatever. If I happened to over-pay for these items, can we then say I got my money's worth? I think if I wear the pants a few times and get a few compliments out of them -- it's worth it. But, I do often wonder -- at what point can you figure that you got your money's worth out of an item? Last year, I bought a dress for a formal Christmas party that S and I went to. I fell in LOVE with how this dress looked on my body and the glamour it evoked in my soul to the point that I was willing to pay full price for it -- but then when I got to the cash register and it was on sale AND I had a coupon, well it was worth it. Even knowing I was only going to wear the dress one time. And that was $90. But, I think the denominator is different for formal events than it is for non-formal ones. If I paid $90 for something to wear in my "everyday" wardrobe and only wore it once, I would feel guilty for a looong time.

Anyways, we'll see what happens -- I hope my boyfriend forgives me as I have forgiven myself for my indulgence in prints. (I'm a little self-conscious in this department because I brought a potential purchase home one day and when he saw the print his eyes almost popped out of his head and his only comment was "I like the other one better") Guess I'll just wear the black pants around him! ;-)

BOLDLY going whereever I want...