lonely only

When you're growing up as an only child, your friends often focus on the great things about being the only one. You're the primary focus and you don't have to share any of your stuff with anyone else. Pretty good deal, huh? But then you get older and you ARE the primary focus which means you're the ONLY shot for your parents to get it all right. If you screw up then that's it.

But anyways, they get over you "disappointing" them eventually and just focus on your little victories in order to give them a reason to pat themselves on the back. "Oh look, Heather only lost her job once last year and didn't even have her car repo'd this time! We are SO proud!"

Kidding, I'm kidding. Actually, the reason that I got to thinking about this was because I realized last night that my being an only child means that I'm never going to be anyone's really cool aunt. Even if I do have kids, I have absolutely no hope of being a cool mom because the kind of eccentricities that you appreciate in your "cool aunt" would just embarrass you to no end if it were your MOM doing those things. And even if it were cool for your mom to be a little kookie, she'd still have to turn it off sometimes just to be your mom and do the "mom stuff." But your aunt could be like that all the time around you because by the time she would have to turn it off to do her own thing, she wouldn't be around you anymore.

I think I'd be a really GREAT eccentric aunt. With my wink, wink/nudge,nudge sense of humor and the ability to see the absurd in every day life. [My loud voice has already been pre-determined for this role and let's not forget that Heather laugh that can be measured on some Richter scales.] And I'd get to DRESS like an eccentric aunt and that would just make me even cooler. Instead of jeans and shirts, I'd wear flowy skirts and concert t-shirts. I'd have bead doorways and incense burning and talk about really obscure subjects like foreign films. I'd take my niece or nephew to see eclectic bands they'd only heard about from older kids and I'd get them to read old books like Rebecca. I'd constantly tell them how wonderful they were, and they'd believe because I'm not their PARENT so I don't have to say stuff like that. I'd encourage to write and sing and paint and whatever their heart desires. And I'd have cool but strange hobbies like astrology and tarot reading. I'd eat ice cream for breakfast without apology. I'd work in secret ways to make my niece or nephew appreciate their parents a little more, too. Because after all, that would be my sister or brother -- I would have their loyalty in mind above all else. Kind of like that teacher that you had that got you to learn stuff without your realizing you were learning anything because you were having so much fun doing it!

And then I'd disappear for long stretches doing something worldly and exotic because I just had that wanderlust thing going. I wouldn't stay away long enough to be forgotten, just long enough to stay interesting. I'd come back with a new "theme" in life and tell stories of sailing with pirates -- and my niece or nephew might not totally believe it but I'd have such a knowing glint in my eye that the story wouldn't even seem completely improbable.

Whenever I'd come to visit, my niece or nephew would tell all their friends to come by so they could meet me and see how cool I am. I would have changed my name a couple of times, even. The name would depend on the theme in my life at the time -- I'd have astrological names when I was in my planetary phase but maybe something Irish when I was tracing my family background in order to find one of my past lives.

And I would do and be all of these things with such an air of laissez-faire that I would make my niece or nephew want to be like me when they grew up. They would imagine their lives as being kick-back and carefree and kookie. And even when the reality of their DNA background kicked in and they turned into their parents afterall -- that sense of wonder and ease would stay with them. And give them balance in their lives...

Maybe I can be surrogate aunt to another only child's children? If you want to volunteer, drop me a line. I'll be out shopping for flow-y skirts in preparation! ;-)

-hp