La Bouche!

Funny thing about me and my mouth. I have a really big one. For those of you not lucky enough to bear witness to this phenomenon on a regular basis, God bless you -- frankly, it's only a matter of time. I just haven't gotten to you yet. Seriously.

The thing is -- I just wish that sometimes I could have surgery to have my mouth disconnected from the rest of me. That mouth of mine just gets me in trouble again and again and again. Perfectly normal conversations go totally awry because I led myself down the wrong path. Happens at work, happens in my personal life and everywhere else in between. Customers will call with some simple little question and somewhere in the process of over-explaining the answer to their problems, I also manage to let them know they have MORE problems than they were even aware of. Causes more work and heartburn for me but I just can't seem to think before I start flapping my jaws. Same thing in my personal life, I'll be having perfectly standard every day conversation with my boyfriend and then BAM out of nowhere I have to start some brainless trek down the path of "Oh my God how did we get HERE?" and all is just not the same from there. Same thing happens with my friends -- we'll be talking about whatever random topic is for the day and out of nowhere I'm spouting off a WHOLE bunch of unsolicited advice. They don't want to hear my opinion on their lives to THAT extent and frankly -- I don't want to be giving it. But -- I. just. can't. seem. to. stop.

This is a disease. I should have special tags on my car. At the very least I should be forced to wear a Rolling Stones logo'd shirts at ALL times to serve as some sort of warning to the general, unsuspecting public. There's just no way of telling when I'm going to unleash some torrid list of complaints or brutal honesty or misinformation or whatever. I am totally a ticking bomb -- even to myself! This gets to be frustrating. I legitimately believe that a bouchotomy or whatever they would call this procedure, may be in order. I would have it removed and then give it like a sustaining device so that I can use it when the situation warrants it. But if I actually had to re-attach my mouth in order to use it? Well, this would involve a thinking process that MAY allow me to take the needed time to actually consider what would be coming out of it once it was attached.

No more random babbling aloud about whatever topic comes to my head. No more aggressive opinions on how to live your life, pushed on you without your input being allowed. No more escaped thoughts.

There are many more benefits, but there would of course be some pitfalls too. Some that even I won't publish on the internet! I wouldn't be able to murmur loving words anymore. I wouldn't be able to vocally sympathize with your trials and tribulations. I wouldn't be able to laugh that distinct Heather laugh so you know just how funny your jokes are. And so on.

So, for all the pitfalls of LA BOUCHE, I think I'll keep 'er. Maybe I can just start trying to train her and go from there?

All for now -- kisses to all 3 of my readers!
HP