I've been thinking a lot today about attitudes and how much they shape our lives and who we really are. And how if we're not really in touch with the truth about what our attitude says about us, then honestly -- how in touch are we with who we REALLY are?? I think a lot of time, I present certain attitudes and assert my beliefs on things with a vehemence that may not really run true to my own character. I don't think I always practice what I preach is basically what I'm saying. I just realized this fully today and it took me a little off-guard, to realize just how little I am in touch with this aspect of myself. After all, I'm the Queen Promoter of Self-awareness, dare I risk being de-throned by over-looking major gaps in my own character??

For example, I have always purported that happiness is a choice. That we can either take active steps to make sure that we are happy and continue to keep that level of happiness in our lives or we can ignore that things make us unhappy and continue along blindly, yet bitch all the while about how unhappy we are. I believe this very fully and yet there are many times in my life where I find myself bitching about things that I have control over and choose to not exercise that control. Like my lack of education, for one example. These thoughts are brought to mind because a close friend of mine is caught up in a relationship that makes her unhappy yet chooses to go forward in the unhappiness, somehow believing that she does not have a choice. Or she thinks there would be greater unhappines if she were to get out of the relationship, perhaps believing that somehow the situation will improve and she will one day have the happiness back that she had at the beginning of said relationship. As someone who walked this path for years and years, I want to tell her -- she will not. It's better to be alone and unhappy than to be with someone and be unhappy but stay because you believe that person will change. That person is not going to change. And if you don't accept that, you're BOTH going to be unhappy. But I find myself often making decisions that do not really make me happy because I do not fully think them through. I act first and then think about how things are going to come down afterwards. It's a bizarre way to live life if you've never tried it...

Anyways. I'm at a bit of a ramble. I'm upset for my friend. How do you make someone see that they are unhappy if they are not?? I struggle with this because again -- I lived it. For a LONG time. And people tried to rescue me and I fought against them with my stubborn way. That is what she does, too. I still think back on all of the times that my friends came to me time and time again and begged me to see the "light" but I was so caught up in my belief that my way was the only way and that surely I knew what was best for me that it was hard to think others wanted me to be unhappy. And alone. How do I make her see that being alone isn't all that bad? That being with someone who really FITS with you is better, even if for a time that person is just you?? Is it even my place to bother?? Do I let her wander her own way down this path and try to be as supportive as I can? It's not my way to stay out of people's business, but I know all too well what it's like having people in yours. It's a difficult path and I feel mired in the briars about it.

Sorry for the heavy subject matter -- only drudgery like this could drag me away from Harry Potter and to the blog world! I meant to insert something light-hearted about a friend teasing me for being domesticated now and the horrors that sentence creates in the bowels of my being, but drama snuck its way in. Ah well, at least it's not MY drama -- my emotional baggage may be cute and matching, but it's still at the max that I want to deal with, thank you very much!

Kisses,
HP