FAQ about out-patient brain surgery

Q: Isn't it amazing that we have come so far that your brain can be operated on and you can go home the same day, only glowing slightly?

A: Yes, it is. I would say that these are amazing times indeed, but the gamma knife procedure has been around for a little while. Luckily, they have been working on it and seem to have no further need for the hamster.

Q: Don't you ever get tired of making light of this, Heather?
A: Have we actually met?

Q: Funny. But, seriously how are you? (Or some variation therein -- like, how are you feeeeeling?)
A: Well, I'll tell you in all seriousness that I feel great. I'm really excited that I have the opportunity to have this procedure and quite possibly avoid all of the horrible things my mother had to endure. The chance of maintaining my hearing, preserving my balance, not having any facial paralysis, well... I can't help but feel upbeat about my prospects.

As an aside... When I first found out about this, I really felt like I was getting something close to a death sentence. I was led to believe that I should wait to see if my neuromas developed/grew and then if they did, that invasive surgery was the only logical pursuit. But, gamma knife has the possibility to prevent the neuromas from growing more and preventing the need for invasive surgery. I feel that if I have a chance to avoid a life in the quiet, then I'm going to grab it. If I have a chance to avoid going through an MRI every six months, I'm going to take that.

I was inspired by women, who upon learning that they have malignancies in their own breasts after going through the deaths of their mothers make the radical decision to pursue double mastectomy sooner than medically advised. Because you know what? It is my body and I am going to do what I need to do to preserve it even if it's considered radical.

Q: Are you in pain? Do you have headaches?
A: I have to tell you that this question really drives me bonkers. Here's why -- when I tell people what is wrong with me, I go into explicit detail about what it is, where it is and how it works. I am very emphatic that this is not the type of tumor that can kill me and that I never would have even known that it was there if I were not doing regular hearing screening. I may make jokes about the fact that I have a tumor and so on, but in the beginning, when the news is broken it is in very detailed information. So, anyone that asks me that was not paying attention. It is frustrating. I know they mean well and I'm just being bitchy and self-centered to get irritated, but whatever. If you really mean well, then pay attention.

I can't think of any other FAQ's. Those are the main ones.

So, tomorrow is Hulk Day! Grrrr... By the time you are reading this, it will probably be over since we have to be there at 6:00 am. I am going to try to get Scott to take some pictures (ever the maudlin drama queen) because I think the halo thing is going to be something to see.

love you mean it!

hpl

The Head Speaks

*No more school for 44 days. I was reading some old archives here, and I actually used to talk about being in school. Remember Harold?

Well, now I never write about it, because to me -- it is what it is. It's just part of my routine. I like the beginning part of the semester a lot. Get to see new people and learn new stuff and buy new books. It's shiny and new, and we all know just how much Heather likes shiny, new stuff! Then, by the end of the semester I am just over it. Mostly from the feeling guilty about not working harder and yet somehow still getting rewarded for it.

[Note: I am not lacking in awareness in the irony of complaining about getting A's when I don't work hard enough to actually deserve them. It is exactly as annoying when skinny girls complain about how they eat and eat and just never gain any weight. Boo freakin' hoo. The truth is I do study and I am actually smart and they are throwing up in the bathroom and exercising like fiends. Why pretend anymore??]

Hm, where did that soapbox come from? How awkward!

*The other day my boss asked me what was up, why was I in such a good mood? This comment has haunted me ever since. Was she just teasing me? Am I really crabby or was she just playing on my paranoia that I'm always crabby?? Hmm.... It just doesn't seem right. So many times in my life, I always thought that someone else was the teacher's pet, but maybe it was really me and I just didn't know it?

HA!

All suck-ups dream of being secretly appreciated for they sycophancy, didn't you know that dear?

*I finally gave up on having a personal cell phone message. A collossal waste of time and energy. I can't please you fuckers with the cutesy messages. And you are irritated when there is information designed to be helpful to people who are not you. Other people call! Sometimes...

*Weird dinner plans. Tomorrow night I am going to dinner with some of my female co-workers. I have barely hung out with any of them outside of work, so I am really nervous that I'm going to say something stupid. And then tonight I had the perfect out from Shrek the Halls. Puss in Boots gets caught playing with a Christmas ornament and he says, "Oh, I have shamed myself."

I just love that!

* I have a class buddy whom I do not share any classes with next semester. Unlike previous class buddies, we actually work in the same building. It should be really interesting to see if the relationship continues. We are absolutely nothing alike and she thinks we're a lot alike. It's cool but weird.

Oh, I forgot to finish my dinner story... So, one of the women going to dinner is my deskmate who regales us with stories of her daughter all day at work. Then I come home and make Scott listen to them -- ah, the circle of life. The other two women coming are younger than I am -- mid- to late 20's. It's really going to be an interesting dynamic because both of them were popular people in high school. Since I am still a nerd at heart, it's hard for me to let go of the social classes and remember that we're all grown-ups. I guess as grown as I think I pretend to be, I do not have my shit together and still get intimidated by popular pretty girls who dress well.

Seriously, what does that say about me?

**** It says that it is past my bed time and that's why my previously pumped up mood has grown maudlin. ***

Maybe it's the tryptophan
Maybe it's the '04 Merlot
Maybe it's the peyote
just kidding ma
Maybe it's the acoustic neuroma

Today I am most thankful that I am getting older. I REALLY love being older. The things I know and realize. The perspective I am at. It is a natural high. It's so awesome.

I see beauty and possibility and hope. I can see nothing but blue skies!

O useless beauty!

The song in my pores that I feel at the thought of the future.

I feel so FREE. A brain tumor has set me free. Free of expectations, free of worry. What the fuck does anything matter at all anyore??

I talk too loud. I eat too much. I don't get to work on time. I leave from work early. I run red lights. I oversleep, I stay up too late. I miss payments. I obsess about money. I creative finance. I plan for big expensive things in the future.

I dream. I believe. I imagine. I realize that really anything is possible.

And I am NOT afraid anymore.

When you stop expecting that you are allowed to expect things -- you can expect EVERY THING.

You can expect miracles.

It is what it is.

hlee

Am-I-Dumb.com - Intelligence Test

You have to skip through 300 ads to find out, but in case you're bored...

Like me.

Yeah, I discovered You Tube.


Does it show? Actually trolled this from Ms. Mac's blog. I feel really inspired though...




Actually, note how skinny the guy is. (His name is Mika and I guess he is big in Europe.) I once knew a guy who told me that skinny guys like thick chicks because, well, it doesn't hurt to bump uglies with them. I guess you get too bony people together and it gets dangerous.

I will never have to worry about that.

Well, at least I wrote another page... But then I found the internet again...

http://abcnews.go.com/Politics/Vote2008/page?id=3623346

In case you didn't want to be bothered figuring out who your candidate of choice was for 2008.

What I was doing when I was supposed to be writing a paper...

Every single time I read the the Rabbit blog I get inspired. It's not the first time it's driven me to write.

It's her advice. She just gives such blunt advice and I just love her for it. Just like Carolyn Hax (you can find her at the Washington Post's website, but you have to register so I didn't include the link) -- but more brutal because Carolyn has to be fit for the paper.

Rabbit gives me hope that maybe wisdom could be communicable and makes me want to keep trying. I don't think it really is, but I can hope.

See, Rabbit is, like me, in her 30's. In your 30's, you just have an entirely different world view of your previous life. You finally understand the true value of experience, and finally have the haunting realization that no one gives a shit about your experience because they think they are different from you and think they will never, ever make the same mistakes you made.

Being in my 30's also actually makes me look forward to getting older. I think that if I have learned this much so far, then how much more do I have to learn and gain and grow? HOW exciting! How boring to be young. Sure, you can button your too tight jeans without lying down and you don't have that wrinkle between your eyes, but you are dumber than dirt. No matter how smart you are -- dumb.

And I realize that there will come a point that I will look back on where I am now and think the same thing, and I think that's pretty cool.

I also think that it is way too bad that you can't communicate this to people who are younger in a way that will make them care.

You really are going to wish you had voted and not had ice cream for dinner so often and didn't skip going to the gym and never took up smoking and didn't sleep with quite so many random guys and finished college and followed up on that great idea you were too scared to invest in and taken that great cross country car trip with your girlfriends.

You are going to realize that what they say about regretting the things you DIDN'T do is really true.

You are going to realize that it's important to build a life that is about being true to you. And this life cannot be built on the backs of friends and family who tried to support you. It's important to try to be kind, but not so kind that you let your best friend buy that dress that you know makes her look like a cow.

There can be too much kindness.

And some things really are just things. You can let them go -- you can release them. When you lose something that truly matters, you completely understand the value of letting go.

Live from the Mountaintop --

Heather

Oh my this is quite lovely...

Where the farg have I been...?



Dear You,



I didn't want to tell you. I knew you wouldn't take it well. You would get all dramatic and think bad things and I just didn't want to deal.



I mean, I had my own stuff going on.



The shortest version of my somewhat long tale is that technically I have a tumor in my brain.



No, I'm not making that up.



I told you you would get upset.



The longer version is... My mother has a disease known as Neurofibromatosis 2 (aka NF2). She has had this for quite some time and dealt with all of its fun-filled action without knowing that this was the word for it. She had her own brain tumors back in the 70's/80's and their subsequent removal left her with no hearing, facial paralysis, poor speech, vision and decidedly crappy balance issues. When we found out that the condition was genetic, she also learned that the way to screen for it was through annual hearing exams.

And the nagging began.

I had my first hearing test in 2004. Everything was fine and the doctor said that I could probably get by with a bi-annual screening. When I visited again in 2006, there were some concerns and he decided that annual was better. Good thing because this year's exam showed a slight dip in my hearing. Very slight. Something one could obtain after being to one too many rock concerts and something that would not have been of major concern if not for the genetic predisposition to NF2. He ordered an MRI and I went for that shortly after.

I gotta tell you, I'm pretty naive. It really did not occur to me that I would have these tumors. The idea just didn't even enter my head as a possibility. I don't know why. I have had other tumors, I have always known this was a possibility. But, there you go. So, when I went to the doctor and he gave me the results, I was stunned. Speechless. I tried to ask questions, but I was really just too confused to pursue them. So stunned was I that when he first told me, I didn't even realize that he was saying they were bilateral -- I thought there was only one. It was just inconceivable to me. Which, as we learned from the Princess Bride, "you keep using this word -- I do not think it means what you think it does."

Anyways. I called Scott on the way home from the results. I didn't mean to tell him over the phone but I was just so upset. He came home immediately and we decided that the best, most practical immediate response was to get as fucked up as we could.

And we did. It was lovely. We had a maudlin experience discussing how I wanted my funeral to be, lamenting not purchasing long term care insurance, and many other lovely details. (By the way, I do not want to be buried but I do want a marching band playing When the Saints Come Marching in at my funeral. Take care of this, you.)

Yadda, yadda, yadda -- I've been to several specialists and even had an appointment with Scott's aunt who is a hypnotherapist. I have decided to pursue a course of treatment on the larger of the two tumors that is called gamma knife. Basically, I have a helmet screwed into my head, another MRI is done to get the exact location of the tumor and gamma radiation will be directed at the tumor to prevent growth and encourage retardation. Of the tumor, not me. The smaller of the tumors, we will watch and see what happens. If there is no growth pattern, then that will be the action for time to come. If not, then I intend to pursue gamma again if it is successful on the larger tumor.

There are risks with all courses of treatment, but gamma radiation only bears the risk of not wanting me to be angry. You won't like me when I'm angry -- I get green and my clothes rip off...

Just kidding. Scott hopes.

Anyways, so that is what I wanted to tell you. I know that you will take it hard. It's a hard thing to take. I get that. But you don't have to be overly nice or whatever, I just have a brain tumor.

You probably think that explains a lot anyways. :)

Let me know if you have any questions -- just comment here.

love,

Me

On my mind

One. Because Scott and I have been together for going on five years, I frequently forget the smugness (and often write about this same forgetfulness, I think) that comes with being in a basically stable, "normal" relationship.

No matter what we try to sell you, human beings are designed to be matched up. It's in our DNA. You've got to sell yourself on being alone when you're alone, but ultimately you wish you had someone in your life. There is nothing wrong with that.

Why is this on my mind? Met up with an old kickball pal tonight. She is actually in a relationship with a great guy but after a substantial amount of time together he has yet to tell her her loves her. It is different for different people but the bottom line is that it is nice to know it, nice to hear, nice to know it exists. When you see them together, it wouldn't occur to you that it's not something that is part of their regular vocabulary, but it is what its. And that's what I mean by the smugness. I know Scott loves me. It's never out of my mind ever. Things get high, things get low, things get boring, things get weird, things get tough -- he loves me and I love him. We're doing life. It is what is is. Maybe, despite the marriage thing, I won't always have that inate knowledge but for now there is a definite smugness and security that goes along with that.
I have accomplished a basic human need successfully.
Two. Filler people. I was re-reading old journals, something I had not done in a LONG time. Found a note about the filler people. The people who make up my day and basically the meat of my life but don't get journal space (or, in this case, blog space) because they do not cause drama. They do not hurt me or overtly amuse me or whatever it is that brings people in to the blog. Things that take it away from being about me.
But, in the end, it is your filler people who are the moments of your life. My cube mate. Or just the co-workers in general. The woman at my gym whom I love. My closest local friend. My long distance, seldom caught up with friends. My local friends I talk to 4 times a year but enjoy the catch-up calls. My family. My old neighbors. My old friends in South Dakota. My former in-laws. All these people who make up my life, past and present. They are rarely, if ever, documented.
My cube mate has the same birthday, 2 years later, than I do. I have now personally met and known 5 people who have my birthday.

How many people do you know with your birthday and you're not a twin?

And had them teach you in school or be a close friend or dated them???

It's not common, I think.

Filler people. They need their own day, like Mother's Day. Can't you hear the Bud Light commercial now? Real American heroes -- my fill up my day person with whom I have nothing in commmmmon.

If you don't laugh your ass off about THIS one...

Some of you may know that Scott and I once got a sticky note left on his condo door that said something like "Just a reminder the walls in these condos are paper thin, especialy the ones between the adjoining bedrooms. Glad you had a good morning -- Happy Valentine's Day!" Hysterical. I was too amused to be mortified.

But that was in the dating years and I suspect many of us know how different that can be.

Last night, we decided to watch some SkinnyMax and play with our new toy The Sex Deck (which is super fun). So, I'm, er, enjoying the movie and Scott was off in another room getting, er, accessories for our evening. He comes back to the room and I ask him to take the dog outside so we can have some privacy.

Well, here was the mood breaker... Our ridiculously large tv is hooked up to the stereo system so we can get surround sound. Our outdoor speakers are also hooked up to the stereo so we can listen to the radio when we're out in the yard. And they were on.

So, echoing through our backyard over the fences and to the neighbors houses was the unmistakable sounds of soft core porn. The soft moaning, the crazy music, the oh-so-well-crafted dialogue...

Just in case the neighbors wanted to know when we were getting some since we can't share a wall with them...

Oooo, book meme to keep me from starting paper for new class and springboard off of my last bloggy thing...

What are you reading now?
Okay, maybe it wasn't a good time to start this because what I'm actually reading is the textbook for my Theories of Personality class, which is imaginatively titled the same. However, I just finished Dream when you're feeling blueby Elizabeth Berg. I gotta tell you -- I am a sucker for a twist ending. In the movies, in books -- if I didn't see it coming (and I rarely do because I'm pretty dense) then it makes me like the book/movie more. The book is set in the 1940's during WWII but it's also written as if the author were in the 1940's. You don't see that very often in books that are set in the somewhat recent past. So, it took a little adapting because all of the golly gee and de facto sexism were a bit hard to swallow. But, the main character Kitty is a pleasant melange of confusion and the twist really did take me by surprise. Especially since I thought the book was pretty well over when it happened. I recommend it.

Do you have any idea what you'll read when you're done with that?
Okay, so when I'm done reading my text book I will have at least a month, maybe two between classes. Plus I have like 12 days off for the holidays, so I'm definitely going to be trying to read some stuff. I've been on an Elizabeth Berg kick, but I have been compiling a list of things I would like to read so will likely pick something off of there. Margaret Atwood's name has popped up several times in a blog I like to read (Ms. Mac - from whom I stole this), so maybe I'll read another one of her novels. Then I can cross one of those 1001 books off my list.

What's the worst thing you were ever forced to read?
Hm. I wasn't good about finishing the books that I was forced to read. I just fudged my way through the tests based on class discussions. I remember taking a particular dislike to Billy Budd. And I was too young when they made us read Siddhartha, there was no way I could appreciate that in the 9th grade.

What's one book you always recommend to just about anyone?
Cold Sassy Tree by Olive Ann Burns. This is the story of young Will Tweedy set in the turn of the century. His grandmother has recently died, and his grandpa sets the town in an uproar when 3 days later he decides to marry the amazingly lovely Miss Love. Gradually we learn why Grandpa decided to marry Miss Love and Will becomes a big defender of their relationship. (Partially stolen from the review at Amazon, but better summary then I could have come up with.) I just love this book. It's wonderful. I loan it to everyone I know and hope they love it as much I do.

Admit it, sadly the librarians at your library know you on a first name basis, don't they?
Sadly, they don't because I don't read fast enough to utilize the library.

Is there a book you absolutely love, but for some reason, people never think it sounds interesting, or maybe they read it and don't like it at all?
Yup. A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius by Dave Eggers. Maybe it's the title. Maybe it's the somewhat depressing nature of the story. It's Dave Eggers story of how, when he was 22, he was "orphaned" by his parent's deaths. They died within 5 months of each other, each of a different kind of cancer. Dave is forced to become the custodial parent of his 8-year-old brother and the antics begin. I love it for its self-deprecation and, well, it's heartbreaking genius.

Do you read books while you eat?
Sure, sometimes. Are there people who don't?

While you bathe?
Bathing would involve cleaning the tub and I would be losing reading time by cleaning the tub.

While you listen to music?
No, I can't even walk and chew gum.

While you're on the computer?
This is a very strange question. I don't get it.

When you were little did other children tease you about your reading habits?
Hmmm. Did they? I don't think so. I mean, I read a lot as a kid, but not to the detriment of socializing. I didn't read while I was on the phone, which was pretty much all the time.

What’s the last thing you stayed up half the night reading because it was so good you couldn’t put it down?
One would think the answer would be the last Harry Potter. But in fact, I went to bed shortly after getting out of line. I can't remember the answer to this. I don't have the stamina to stay up half the night any more. But, I did read Harry Potter for 14 hours the next day, so I think this should still count since the affect of the lost time was similar.

Okay. The end of the meme. FUN!

When all of the blogs are a little random-like, should I bother to call them random thoughts? I feel like it's self-explanatory. But, then that pressing need to have some bold title perserveres...

I recently stumbled across the 1001 Books you must read before you die. I don't think this guy created it, I think it is supposed to be a compilation from critics suggestions or something. Frankly, I have never heard of many, many of these. Then, when I saw what they were -- I thought, if I have to read these before I die, I guess this means I am not allowed to die. Most of the books that I have read, I read because I had to in school. It got me thinking that if I had to create a list of books that you must read, what would be on it? I'm not sure. So, I think this is going to be a future blog topic. Keep in mind, I am not a scholar so don't think you'll find Moby Gone with the Tess of the Baskervilles or whatever that book was...



In other randomness, it's hard to have pregnant friends because I wind up putting this pressure on myself. The family pressure. The baby pressure. It's so fucked up. I can't imagine myself being responsible for some young person. Being responsible period, really. But yet, I just can't commit to not having kids. I can't imagine that my family would not eventually be traditional. And a woman who does not want to have children is a societal anathema. When I was in one of my many stages of flux on this decision, I was on a 2 year plan. I was going to wait until after Scott's 40th and a possible trip to Amsterdam and then I was going to take the plunge. I would be 35, so it's not crazy.

And I remember that I told this plan to a friend of mine and shortly afterwards, we were around some folks who were giving me a hard time about when I was going to get on board and she said something like it was okay, I had a plan.

As if it's NOT okay for me to not have kids and not have a plan. I don't know.

It's hardest to commit to this decision when I'm around little blonde haired boys, because I think that is what our baby son would look like. I was naturally blonde as a little kid and I guess I just think this will translate over and somehow it causes the longing.

Actualy, I have a problem committing to decisions in general. I just can't say I am going to do THIS and then feel comfortable sticking to it. After I lost 50 pounds, I had 30 more to go. But I just couldn't get motivated and got stuck. So, I decided to stay where I was and focus on maintenance so I wouldn't put the 50 pounds back on while I was trying to get motivated to lose the rest. But, I've put on 3-5 pounds lately and I can't commit to even working hard enough to get that off. I say to myself that I'm just going to be happy and learn to live with my weight. Do the best I can. Then five minutes later I'm reading stories about alli and Jenny Craig and thinking maybe I'll do that.

Can't commit.

Can't commit to one topic and finishing this catch up entry. But I'm gonna now!

Reel Sad

I'm looking for a good, old-fashioned inspiring movie. Or at least something that doesn't make me bored.

Perhasp I've been watching too many movie critics lately and I'm being overly picky. I know I definitely used to be a big old movie whore. Give me a rolling hillside and a British accent or some creepy confusing plotlines or both and I was set.

Recently I've seen the new Bourne thingy (Ultimatum?), Mr. Brooks, and Becoming Jane. None of which were anything to write home about. Ultimatum was probably the best because it doesn't really disappoint. It's a Bourne thingy and that's lots of crazy unrealistic car chases and government conspiracies and it's just good clean fun.

Mr. Brooks came out somewhat recently, can't remember when. Kevin Costner is a high level box company owner and apparently he has an alternate personality that's played by William Hurt. Mr. Brooks has an addiction to killing. I'm no good at plot summaries unless I'm truly inspired and this is not one of those times. There are just too, too many twists and turns that seem to be there solely for the point of twisting and turning. One or two of them may have been good but there were too many of them for any of them to be well-developed so it's like the movie that tried to be like five other movies about serial killers. For my money, I think that further developing the role of the daughter and leaving out the Mr. Smith guy and the TOTALLY pointless wife character may have really done some wonders for this movie. That and not casting Kevin Costner. A lot of critics don't really like Kevin Costner, and it's a good point that he's kind of always the same, but it's just that he had me at Field of Dreams and I have a hard time just letting that go. Even after all this time.

Oh, and Mr. Brooks -- you like killing. Just own it. That whole struggle with trying not to is just really silly and a further waste of time.

Tonight it was Becoming Jane. I have seen too many reviews bemoaning its mediocrity to have high hopes and I was not pleasantly surprised. There was always that hope. I think that movies I am meant to see with my godmother are just doomed. I completely agree with whomever said that it's completely ludicrous to assume that Jane Austen's life was some reflection of her novels. Whatever. And in those times, that her parents would say that they wanted her to marry for love and not money. Her father to say that, further. Whatever squared. And should that I be so poor that my house is strewn with Oriental rugs and have a piano in my conservatory and a two story cottage on however many acres... Oh, the rough rustic life.

God love Jane Austen, but I doubt that she would have remained single if she looked like Anne Hathaway.

Better to mire oneself in the Big Brother Backdoor-a-palooza than try to have hopes for decent movies in the summer. Even old ones.

I guess I'm not meant to understand

I don't get the fences and barriers we put up between us. It seems like the more possibilities there are for sameness, the more we try to find our differences and put ourselves in these little cubbyholes.

I do it, I'm guilty.

Black. White. Asian. Republican. Democrat. Christian. Jew. Muslim. American. Everyone else. Likes dogs. Likes cats. Hates all living things. Has an mp3 player. Drives an SUV. Drives a hybrid. Vegetarian. Carnivore. Skinny. Fat. Oily skin. Dry skin. Pretty people. Ugly people. Party people. Librarians. Librarians who party. Pro-choice. Pro-no-choice. Gets their news from The Daily Show. Gets their news from Fox. Left-handed. Right-handed. Gay. Straight. Confused.

I just get the most frustrated with the racial labels My neighbor going on about a young man visiting her daughter. The young man is going to a school that is predominantly black and when he comes to visit he sighs "It's so nice to be around white people." My grandmother talking about my uncle's wife and saying that "she may be black but she's a good woman." As if this is normally exclusive. My husband saying that I take these things too seriously. Or live with my head in the sand or something.

I get that we like to be around people who are like us. But it never fails to frustrate me. Even in my own behavior. I'm not any better -- I just reach a teeny bit outside of my own box. But even I for all of my soap-boxing have no close friends who are truly different from me.

And why not?

I guess it's the comfy blanket. It's easier to wrap yourself in views that are the same as yours, so you can comfort yourself in their authenticity. No matter how crazy we think the other guys way of thinking or acting or being or doing is, he thinks the same thing about us. We think we have it down. We think our way is the best and if only he had it like we did, then it would all be good.

Don't you think he thinks that too?

I just don't understand what it's going to take for us to all be on this same page. How does it start? Does it just have to ebb away gradually over time? In another 2000 years, will we finally see that we all have one thing in common across the board --

we all think we are right.

Princess Keeper of the Things


I've got to come up with a better Ya-Ya name, but this is something what I'm like. I have the things that people want. I have a large collection and it seems to be a jumbled mess, but I'm the only one who knows where the things are.

It's crazy the things that I am supposed to know what they are and where they are. Partly because I do. But partly because that's the part of his brain that Scott assigned to me. We have 700,000 wires lying around our house in some sort of crazy, puzzling tangle or another. We are not allowed to throw any of them away because we are going to need them one day. Yet, when the time comes to find the illustrious cord -- he expects me to know where it is and what it is.

Excuse me, I am the one who wanted all these cords out of here in the first place. I begged, I pleaded. Some of them are missing specifically because I hid them from you to see just how long it was going to be before you asked me where they are. And it was a long time ago buddy!

I have countless theories on why this is the way it is but really it's just to boil down to my only child theory again. Just search for that, it's all that.

I don't have time to tell you about it, because I think I just remembered where I put that cord...

Oh yes, it was ladies' night



There is so infrequently a ladies' night that it's actually a blog topic. It was a mini holiday. Crazy!



Friday was a long work day. I didn't get a lot of sleep Thursday night. Everyone that sits around me is off work on Fridays, so no social interaction to help me get through it. The weater was threatening to do terrible things. And we're all broke.



It just seemed like the factors were going against us.



But, Tina had a hall pass and Kay was in denial of just how badly she needed a pick me up. And, me -- I just wanted to be around high voices, as Julia would say.



So, we pushed through and decided to make a go of it.



Tina and I went to Kay's and had a pre-dinner nip. Tina and I had the added thrill of Kay having possession of the 1978 yearbook from the high school where we both had also graduated from -- some years later than that... Then, we decided to walk to the Thai restaurant I had insisted we eat at.



I love Thai food. The combinations of the flavors and the way the spices just creep up... It's awesome. I think the soup was actually my favorite thing. It was this coconut milk with hot chili sauce and cilantro and shrimp. The heat just kept rising slowly but stopped at a nice level. It was just awesome. I know, I'm saying awesome a lot, but it just was.



Then we decided to go to walk down Granby Street and wound up at this new club called Club 7. Another friend of mine wants to go there for her birthday in September, so it was partly curiousity on my part.



I haven't had that much fun dancing since a bachelorette weekend! We met this older gay couple when we first got there and for some reason, they were just really taken with me. We really hit it off and and were just having a blast. They bought our first round of martinis.



The club has 3 levels. The first level is just for chilling, the second is supposed to be techno and then the top level is hip hop. We went up to the techno level and there was music playing but no one there at all. So, Tina and I put on a show for ourselves. Some of the body guards from the other levels would come in and watch for a while. Kay didn't dance, but she was having a laugh riot watching us.



Then we went to the hip hop level... It was like Junior High. The boys were on one side, the girls were on the other. Minimal interaction and NO dancing. We got out as soon as we got there and started dancing. Grabbed some dudes from the sidelines and pulled them in to the show. I tried several times to get people from the sidelines on the floor dancing. Sometimes I was successful, but most of the time not. I was like a cruise director for the club or something.

I do not understand why things have to wait until midnight to start happening. If that's when you've had enough to drink to let your inhibitions loose then you either have too many inhibitions or you just need to start drinking earlier. It's that simple.

Anyways, it's taken me too long to try to record the events. They're not as fresh anymore. We had a wonderful time, and I can't wait to go out and be in the company of high voices again.

Yeah, so I've been playing with Flickr and so have been terrible about writing.

As usual.

Latest topic of note is that we are losing a tenant in the condo AGAIN. Oy. It's a combo factor of her being a bit of an idiot and sending a text message to Scott explaining that the rent would be late (again) and that she would pay on the 16th and would call later to explain.

I mean, why not just call?

This did not hit Scott well, as it was 5am on a Monday morning and has basically had it up to the roof with his job and people in general taking advantage of his generosity. Or something. At least, this is how it was summed up to me when he explained that he asked her to pack up by text message. And she agreed, having no concept of her rights as a tenant whatsoever.

I mean, Jesus.

So, once again can't keep someone in there til the end of their lease. And I'm in full on panic mode. I tried to call her myself and work it out but she didn't want to "stress anyone out" and she needed to get a roof over her child's head.

Um, sorry -- but if that was so important, how come the rent was always late? Am I just naive?

Oy. So, that's a bit of a stressor.

But, that's okay. I have lately put on about 5 pounds, so I can afford to skip a meal. Which not having any rental income may get me in the position to do.

Actually, about the 5 pounds. I don't remember gaining weight being this painful before. I must have bought new clothes every 10 pounds in a bigger size. My clothes are so tight and I come home every day with a button tattoo on my belly. I just feel like a Macy's float. And I KNOW that 5 lbs does not look like much to other people because I have borne witness to many people who said they needed to lose 5 lbs and then did and I swear I never saw the difference.

Crazy. I mean, when I quite WW, I had about 30 lbs to go to my goal. I was okay with that though because I had clothes that fit. This is not good.

And I don't understand, because I'm not exercising much and I'm not eating right and I'm drinking extra glasses of wine... WHY can't I get this weight off? It's just a mystery!

I got a new computer today -- which means I can play with pictures again!

We redid the sun porch -- stripped the carpet and put in a bamboo mat, got cushions for the chairs. I actually got Charlie to look at the camera -- quite a feat! And multiple shots of the librarian's baby boy. (And no, he's not nude in the Austin Powers like shot -- it's just accidentally framed that way.)

These are exciting times! The last Harry Potter installment is out tomorrow at midnight. I am so geeked up, it's not even funny. I managed to convince my boss to approve a vacation day on Monday, because if I'm not done reading I'm just going to call out anyways. Somehow, she went for it.

My summer Sociology class is going SUPER well -- somehow I am pulling an A while doing C work at best. Not that this level of effort is even remotely new, but it is what it is. One thing that I am not crazy about at Virginia Wesleyan is that they actually differentiate between an A+ and a regular A. Isn't that the silliest thing? You're not considered a super star and don't get a 4.0 unless you have an A+. But I guess for someone who is getting A's without doing the work that goes into it, I shouldn't complain...

My previous hairdresser is returning to the area and rumor has it that she and my current beloved hairdresser may be going into cahoots. Double the appointment availability! Woo hoo! Hair threesomes for everyone!

I know that those of you that are reading challenged miss the pictures. The deal is that my main computer with the photo stuff on it has bitten the dust. Again. It's in DNR phase now and just holding out for a good deal on a replacement. So, y'all will have to go back to reading this shit again instead of just scanning the photos. We will attempt to make up for the down time by posting unauthorized photos of the librarian's son once we're up and running again. Just don't tell the librarian, please.

In the unintentionally humorous news front... A woman that I know at work has been going through some tough times. Deaths in the family, marital, health difficulties -- you name it. She went out on leave for about 2 months and while she was out she had a beautiful tattoo done that was, in her words, a memorial to the family members she had lost. It really was lovely -- which is an odd word to use for a tattoo. To me, the unintentionally humorous part is that she had the tattoo done on an area just above the rump that those in my circle regularly refer to as a tramp stamp. It was just so hard to see the seriousness of the memorial in that location. And because another friend has been talking about getting a tattoo in this location for a while -- in part because she likes the name, it's just that much more unintentionally humorous.

In other exciting news, tonight is the last night for the evil dipshit Jen to be Head of Household on Big Brother. She may not getting evicted as soon as I would like but at least she won't be in charge anymore. Thank God!

HPL OUT!

Catching up with Heather's Head...


(That's sure to generate some traffic from the naughty Googlers with other things in mind...)

BLISS! I have the bliss fever. I have been so happy and just so generally content lately. My (mother-derived) pessimistic side wonders when the other shoe is going to drop -- but, ultimately I'm just happy.

Here's an example of my mom... I tell her that I learn in my Family Sociology class that the divorce statistic is greatly overrated. "They" say that 50% of marriages end in divorce. In fact, that number is skewed. The number of divorces per year is 50% of the number of marriages per year. However, not everyone gets married that same year. SO, the number of divorces happens to be half of the NEW marriages per year -- but out of all of the people that are still married, this is actually a fairly small percentage. Eye-opening, isn't it? I tell this to my mom and she sends me the following article: The Shelf Life of Bliss. The shortest summary of this article is that bliss' shelf life is 3 years. She happens to send this to me last week, just before our 3 year anniversary (which is today). I mean, damn. Thanks Mom -- next time, just send a card!

Yes sir, today is our 3 year anniversary. You know... When I was growing up, my parents didn't always do a big thing on their anniversary. And I never understood that -- I mean, isn't this THE day?? But, now. I get it. It's not about the stuff. It's not about anything, really, other than we really like each other (which is a MUCH bigger deal, I think, than the loving) and enjoy being together. I think we should overcome our shelf life. :)

Heading down to see my friend the Librarian and her new baby and new house for the next few days. Pretty excited and nervous. I'm coming bearing a gift which I hope she will like. I'll post the picture the next time I'm near the computer with the photo stuff attached. (don't have to worry about blowing the surprise -- she hasn't read the old blog in years).

But right on the verge of mini-break I'm getting ear infection. Got any great home remedies? That will work in the next few hours?

that's all for now... dippy happy... 3 years down, life to go... Harry Potter month to revel in ahead!

Nothing is easier than self-deceit. For what each man wishes, that he also believes to be true.
Demosthenes, Third OlynthiacGreek orator & politician in Athens (384 BC - 322 BC)


I cam across this quote unexpectedly, but this also resounds with my post the other day -- about wisdom not being communicable.

I have always professed my own self-awareness, and Scott has long teased me for it. After all, if I am so aware of my flaws -- why do I not do anything about it? I attribute it to laziness, another of my flaws.

But, really -- the sheer knowledge of one's own strengths and weaknesses can be so overwhelming that overcoming the inertia to move to the next level can take a lifetime.

Case study -- we have recently started hanging out with our neighbors across the court, after living here for close to a year. Scott had talked to the husband off and on, because he was known to be handy. He loaned us a wheelbarrow to help haul the never-ending pile of dirt (anyone need any topsoil for small projects?), which we kept for like 5 months. Crazy. He gave Scott pointers on a few odd jobs here and there. But, we never saw her ever. We knew she existed, because our other neighbors had told us stories about how she called the pound on their animals a couple of times. Then, suddenly a few weeks ago, a random Friday night we're invited over and proceeded to drink ourselves into oblivion and laughing and carrying on with them.

We've made New Years plans and shared stories and apparently they're going to help us raise our kids. Woo-hoo -- we can cross THAT one off the list.

So, it's good times -- but, mostly what they do is sit around and drink and bs. Which is good, but then we lose time. Big chunks of this must be why my head hurts so much today time. So, while we have enjoyed hanging out with them, I haven't been overly solicitious because I'm a little afraid of how much weight I might put back on to pay for my drinking sins.

But, back to self-deception... So, the wife comes over the other night under the guise of something and we find ourselves inviting her out to dinner and then find ourselves inviting her back in to hang out some more and watch tv and whatever. And then when it's time for us to go to bed, Scott and I realize that we feel like we didn't get to see each other. Because the wife is needy. Really needy. And doesn't like silence. And the crazy thing is that it is really obvious that she has no idea that she is this needy. I think the idea would probably piss her off, frankly. Because she puts on her tough guy act and even when she admits to moments of neediness, it's like it's something abnormal.

And yet, despite this complaint about her -- I do actually like her. I can't imagine taking a car trip with her or hanging out with her daily, but I really do like her. Maybe because her neediness reminds me of my own.

And that's where the self-awareness loop comes back around -- I know that I am needy and I don't like to be alone. I'm very aware of this aspect of my personality and really try to be cognizant of that so I don't overwhelm folks with it... It's just interesting to me people who don't seem to have this connection to their flaws. Because that's what makes us human, I think.

Quote of the Day

I know that you believe that you understood what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant. - Robert McCloskey

I really like this...

One thing I forgot to mention about J & E's visit is the phrase that changed my life. I was just blown away. She says that I say it all the time in so many words, but I just never really phrased it this succinctly. And that is, wisdom is not communicable.

I just don't have this kind of way with words. It takes me a long time to say this same thing. And it's true -- this theme resonate throughout my blog, but it just never would have dawned on me to summarize it like that. And because it hadn't been summarized, I never really thought about the gist of this statement.

It's depressingly true.

One of my long-time favorite blogs, http://www.rabbitblog.com/, also frequently resonate this theme. Though she really really does try to transpose her wisdom in bare bones, no crap language. But, still, I can't help but wonder if the people reading her advice just blow her off and think she just doesn't understand them.

I think it happens a lot. Maybe less when people are actually asking for the advice, but still...

One of my biggest flaws (and I have SO many) is that I used to really try to help people see how they and their behavior was seen from an outside perspective. I am really trying to work on this because I have come to the epiphany that people really do prefer to remain blind to their own short-comings. They don't need me to tell them how they really are, especially since it's only from my perspective and not from EVERYONE on the planet and who am I?

Plus, I know I wouldn't like it if people broke it down to me the way I break it down to them. I still try to talk straight most of the time, but I try to focus that on me and my experiences and not involving perceptions of other people. And I someone asks me what I think, well -- I'm going to tell them. This presented countless issues with the class of Julia and I's fashion senses this weekend and I really had some idea of how my mother must feel when she's shopping with me.

Egad!

Anyways, it's a flaw correction in progress. And unlike most of my other flaws, I really am trying to work on it and just shut up and let people see themselves the way they want. I think we all want to have people in our lives who appreciate us the way that we are -- or at least let us continue in our fantasy versions of ourselves.

So remember, unlike TB -- wisdom is not communicable.

Meme

I was trolling around folks' blogs and came across this term. Since I am the most arrogant/self-loathing person I know, this appeals to my arrogance.

"This" is meme -- I'm not good at definitions, but you know those emails that you get where you have to say what time it is and what's your favorite food and all that crap? Those are apparently versions of meme's. (Not sure if this is pronounced meem or mem or me-me, but I like the me-me.)

Anyways, the blogs I fell through were of more creative women -- like women who make couches while procrastinating on cleaning their houses instead of watching the crap that's stored up on TiVo -- and one of them had a meme to list 6 weird things about you... So, I thought it was fun...

1. I like to pluck stray hairs and they don't have to be mine. I see something growing where it's not supposed to be growing and I'm going for it. God invented Tweezerman for a reason.

2. In that vein, I enjoy unclogging drains manually. There's just something really satisfying about pulling big clumps of hair out of a drain and knowing it's going to do its job again.

3. I still sleep with a teddy bear. It started out as a comfort thing, but now it's just a body position thing. If I don't have my arms in a certain way, then I just can't sleep.

4. I have found this isn't that strange, but sometimes I really like the way bad things smell. Like skunks and gasoline and swamps.

5. Sometimes Scott and I will fight about my lack of housecleaning skills, but the thing he doesn't realize is that all he needs to do is really get my dander up and I will go into a cleaning frenzy. I have no idea what this is about. "I'll show him, give him a clean kitchen and pet-hair free carpets!"

6. Secretly, (not anymore) I really like a lot of country stuff. Especially primitive looking things, not the ducks and Holly Hobbies and what the fuck ever. But since Scott really hates it and most people my age tend to mock it, I just suppress it. It's one of the reasons that my house doesn't really have a put together themey look to it though -- I just want metal stars and grapevine shit. And I've never felt more ashamed. :)

Pass the catch-up, bitches...

Two weekends ago I was supposed to have my cousin and her husband in to visit. I was really looking forward to her visit as they are moving to San Francisco shortly and that's basically another country. (Yes, I know it's not actually another country but you can't go there for a weekend trip.) She's a vegetarian (or was) and there were jokes about me buying tofurkeys and whatnot.

But, they got hit by one of the worst travel days ever -- or at least that is how our local paper referred to it the next day. They were stuck on the runway at their local airport for several hours and they were not allowed off the plane -- they had to fly to their next hub. When they were flown to their next hub, delay after delay led them to having to be returned to their hometown because the only flight they could get in would arrive at 3pm the next day! For a weekend visit! Apparently there were major computer issues that were further exacerbated by lightning storms.

And then their luggage got lost to boot.

No visit from cousin and just a tragically expensive non-visit for them. HUGE bummer!

Last weekend, Julia and her boyfriend Emanuele (Ay-man-well-ay, for you non-Italians out there) came to visit. I can't really bitch about what freaks they because they're some of my only readers...

HA! Kidding. It was all good. Julia and I had a girly day, Scott and Emanuele had a boy-y day and then we headed to Julia's 15 year high school reunion. I graduated a year ahead of her, but still didn't really know anyone there. Several folks thought I looked vaguely familiar and I thought they looked vaguely familiar and then I had enough wine and everyone looked vague and then we came home.

A good time was had by some. :)

I'll try to put up some photos soon but I haven't had my regular computer for a while and it's still moving kind of weird so I'm not promising anything.

In other news, I will be starting a brand new schedule at work at the end of July -- 7:30 am to 4:00 pm. Woo freaking hoo!!! I'm not too excited about the 7:30 part (have you met me?), but I have longed to be off earlier as I watch the contented (read: tenured) folks file past every day while the sun is still up... So, I'm going to suck it up.

It is absolutely AMAZING all the things I think I will be able to accomplish in that extra 1.5 hours I'm going to be home. I'm going to do all the laundry and have a clean house and watch Oprah and walk the dog and shit, I may even write the great American novel if I'm going to be ambitious about it! It's as though it hasn't occurred to me, yet, that I'm supposed to be going to be an hour and a half earlier if I'm going in that much earlier.

And still in all those fantasies it never occurred to me that I could start cooking dinner for my husband and me....

I just blew my own friggin' mind with that one -- so, that's all for the catch up.

You know, it's the dumbest thing. I don't know why I let some anonymous mean person get under my skin. It's not like it's the first time I have ever been the victim of an anonymous mean person -- I did work in collections. But I guess I just don't understand the point of visiting someone's blog and then saying something nasty.

Like, it's not like this is a GOOD blog -- so why bother?

But regardless, really I want to know why does it bother me?

I deleted the comment in the haze of a really bad hangover, but basically the gist was that I was a drama whore, my life must be really dull and by the way my frequent references to "let your fingers get all pruney in it" is stolen from a movie -- how original.

Okay, I honestly did not know that I stole this line. So, does that count? I don't remember seeing the movie that had the line in it, but it doesn't matter because I would give the movie credit if I had known that I had lifted it. I just always like the idea of metaphorically soaking in something until the point your fingers get pruney.

And I don't know why I get so upset about the drama whore implications. I mean, the point of the comment was sarcasm. I know that I'm dramatic and I know that I'm into other people's drama. I recognize this is a problem. And the thing is that if my life weren't a little dull, then I would have my own drama to deal with and let me just tell you that as fascinated as I am with it -- I am completely miserable when I have any real shit to deal with.

And I have had real shit to deal with, random rogue commenter.

I also think that a lot of life is about the drama. Some of it is actually real -- but there would not be entire industries devoted to what the fuck Paris Hilton is doing if there weren't many people interested in inane drama.

But I don't know why I let some random rude cow get to me.

It's nice having the ability to delete comments, you rude cow.

The previous post was the result of drunk-blogging. A little known phenomenon where one gets drunk and suddenly decides it would be great idea to try to write something.

But, the drama is always a fascinating topic to me. Mostly because no matter how long I was mired in the drama and no matter how much I am repeatedly drawn to folks who are dramatic, I just don't get it. I don't get wanting to have all that drama in your life. I don't get not wanting to do anything to improve your life and your situation and your little corner of the sky... (For those of you Pippin fans...)

Someone needs to explain this to me in a way that I can understand. Do they just get too bored when there's no drama? I guess I get that. I mean, when I was more dramatic, I was definitely rarely bored. I used to say that I wish I were bored. I would swear that if I ever got bored I would never take it for granted. But as soon as I had some drama-free down time, I was on the phone, "Drama? Whatchoo doing tonight? Wanna hang out?" And there I was again.

And then -- back to the other Heather -- the guy wasn't even really worth it. I mean, sure -- he's pretty. But, definitely throws off major player vibes and even started going out with you while he was going out with someone else. That is a CLUE. Try getting one.

Okay. Enough of the chick's drama. It's fun to watch second-hand, but third hand gets weirder.

In other news, I had false eyelashes put on. It's super-weird. L, you thought I teared up when I got my eyebrows ripped out -- this was way worse. I kind of like it, but I really don't like thinking about my eyelashes this much. I'll try to post a picture before they fall off.

That's all.

Drama, drama, drama

Somehow I got a reputation for being dramatic... Pause for anyone who knows me to laugh so hard they pee...

Kickball tonight... There is another Heather on my team. She is only 3 years younger than me, but has much less maturity. Say what you want about me, but I'm not immature. Not being a grown-up and being immature are different, IMHO.

Anyway.

Other Heather was seeing some guy for 4.5 months -- of which, she admits he "ignored" her for about half of. She got dumped for some other random girl. Very bitter, drinking lots -- TONS of drama. At first, I really like listening to the drama. Listen to her revel in it as I can see her fingers get all pruney from being immersed in the drama... It's weird to me, that she does not understand that she is immersed in drama, but what can you do? At one point, I have all but tried to explain to her that I am older, this is drama, this too shall pass.... But, I also understand that she's only going to have to learn this on her own, and it is SO frustrating. SO.

I'm not sure I can have children and watch them learn things on their own.

I can see that this guy is not the first mistake she is going to make... I don't know, after making this many mistakes myself, I guess I just have a sense of it. Which I imagine is somewhat parent-like... I see her making the mistakes, I know how she can stop herself from making them, but I know that there is nothing I can say to her that is going to change her course... Frustrating... But I know I was the same way -- at any age. It's always like this. You just have to go through it. It doesn't matter what anyone says or does, it 's your own experience. You always think -- they do NOT know. No matter what they went through, it's not like this...

I hate getting old and having experience. I hate that that experience only counts in MY world.

Why hasn't someone invented a squeaky dog toy that only dogs can hear? Charlie is a bit OCD when it comes to squeaking and when he really gets going, I really want to kill him, myself, anyone.

Another exciting holiday weekend spent consuming... We spent the day consuming, with a brief respite to wash the dog. And then there was the devastation that is swimsuit shopping, brilliantly started after a sushi dinner. Security was seriously alarmed by the uncontrollable sobbing coming from the dressing room, so we had to leave...

Hope things are good with you..............

I know how much you like looking at pictures, so hopefully this will alleviate some of your boredom...

Crap, I was going to post more often...

Went on a pre-birthday shopping spree today. Julia's coming into town tomorrow for birthday and wine festival. Our THIRD cat arrived today. Very weird seeing Scott's ex in our house but mostly weird because it wasn't quite as weird as I thought it was going to be.

I should have more to say but I don't.

Off work today and procrastinating on working on my research paper. It's actually become my new hobby -- procrastinating on writing my paper. Sigh. It's not going to write itself and I just don't care that much. I think if I could figure out why I don't care, I'd have a better chance of sitting down and writing it.

It's painful. Extrapolating the information from various sources, documenting and quoting them accurately, fine tuning them into my own words... I know once I really commit to getting started, it will be fine and I'll get through it and be proud of the work I did. But, in the meantime, I'd rather read old blogs and shop for cars on the internet and watch all of my tivo stuff and think about going shopping.

My favorite part is that the topic I chose for my paper is effects of stress in the work place. I'm trying to put my arms around the world and narrow it down into bite size pieces, aka paragraphs.

And it's sunny and beautiful and I don't have to work today and the thought of giving up my weekend to write this paper plunges me in to sadness.

Okay, that was super melodramatic even for me.

I've embarrassed myself into going and starting. Wish me luck.

More pictures....

Some pictures from the Sertoma Spring Fever event (because I know how much you prefer to look at pictures, Julia)

Left work early today feeling kind of generally poopy and headachey. Not feeling loads better but tomorrow is Sertoma and since that's drunk Christmas, I've got to suck it up.

Ah, Sertoma. It's somewhat how I imagine Heaven to be -- a tent full of top shelf alcohol, trucks of beer and wine, a band playing 70's dance music and all the people watching a voyeur like me can handle. It's awesome. Or at least it always seems awesome in retrospect.

So, that's the biggest thing.

In minor household drama, Scott's exgirlfriend has asked him to consider to "taking custody" of her cat because she's moving to Hawaii and for whatever reason can't take him with her. This is the cat that made Scott want to have a cat and there's no way that I could have/would have said no. Still, it will be weird having another woman's cat around. This is probably the closest I will ever feel to what it's like to be a step mom, huh? Don't know the details or even if it will definitely happen, but it's just weird. Soon we will have two cats and a dog. And maybe all that pet menagerie and a baby. Oy! I have always been pretty opposed to three cats because I think it's pretty downhill from there, but it is what it is and I can't say no.

I have a couple of days off next week and in between I'm in training for my new job. It's so long until I move over to be with my new team that it feels like it's not even going to happen. It's a bit surreal.

That's all for now, I'm off to bed.

Here's some of what's been going on... Can't remember if I wrote about any of this.

I had this sudden sense of sadness about not doing a better job of keeping track of time passing. I read back to my wrap up for 2003 and I thought, look at all that stuff I remembered. And it was nice looking back and being able to remember again all that stuff. It kind of made it feel like I wasn't just slipping through life. That I was creating something. Even if it was only a circle of memories that only mattered to me.

So, here's as much as I can remember about 2007 (and maybe even late 2006 because who knows how long I have drifted off...) --

In no particular order...

I started VA Wesleyan College. I think I wrote about this. It's really not like I thought it would be and yet even better than I expected. I really enjoy my Buddhist Philosophy class and the Organizational Psych isn't too bad. The campus is really pretty, I think, and even though I'm not religious for some reason I appreciate this aspect of the school. Weird, don't tell Tina. :)
I like that the philosophy class makes me think -- I enjoy getting in that zone. Even though it's very foreign to me. I feel like my brain is this muscle that could really do something if only I exercised it.

Things at work are going pretty good. In January, I met with one of the Senior managers and she was just getting a feel for why people who had applied for Senior in the past hadn't applied again. And if we would , etc. It wasn't directed specifically at me but it still made me feel special. I applied for the job, she coached me and I faked some confidenced and got the job.

The Confidence Revolution is really starting to swell in my house. It started with Scott. There was a job he really wanted. He sent them his resume and this really strong cover letter that we worked really hard on. Basically outlining how he was perfect for this job even though his resume really didn't spell it out. Well, they never called. And he just got this incredible rush of I don't know what and called them. That wasn't really the courageous part, because lots of people call after not hearing anything when sending in their resume. It was really what he said, which was just reiterating that while he realized that his resume wasn't exactly what they were looking for, it didn't make sense to pay to keep publishing an ad and yet not letting him come in and talk to them in person. After all, there was no charge to talk to him and who knew what they were missing? What was the worst thing that could happen? They were looking for someone to fill the position anyways. It worked. Well, he got the interview but then not the job... Oh well, got a better job anyways. Which he negotiated more money out of because of his confidence.

Nothing better than looking for a job when you've got a job.

He's doing great. Lost half of his old self almost. It's so strange watching him disappear. I can't even remember what it was like before this. In many ways as I can't really remember my life before he was in it. I think because we're both only children, we have this weird way of understanding each other's quirks. I know when you want to be alone and I know when you want to be with people. I don't always respect that, but I do know it.

Charlie Bear has been growing up... We do the best we can for him, but I am not the world's best mother. I don't walk him as much as I should or bathe him as much as we need. Still, he is a really well-behaved dog for being a puppy. That's all Scott's doing.

We haven't gotten to play Spades with Tina and Ryan as much this year as I had hoped. But I'm never going to be able to count cards, so my game playing has just levelled off. I understand it's a valuable skill but it just takes away the fun as far as I'm concerned. Where's the sense of fun and just dumb luck? I guess that's why I still get a kick out of Egyptian Rat Screw -- just dumb luck with a little bit of violence for fun.

We started playing kickball. I'm sure once it's not 40 and windy when we're playing it's going to be a LOT of fun, but right now it's just a lot of whining and crying and some occasional drinking. I really like the people though, they're fun good times. Can't see having a heart to heart with them over Italian, but that's not what this is about.

Been trying to go in early and work out. Have been successful 5 times in the last 3 weeks. It is SO hard. It's mostly because I have to get everything ready the night before exactly right because I can't get up early enough to do it right in the morning. I really want to sleep but I really don't want to be fat anymore. It's a big struggle because boy do I miss sleep.

Okay, I'm at that distinct period where I need to get ready for tomorrow or I'm going to sleep in and feel guilty all day... So, here I go.

I am starting to have an appreciation of the memories, so maybe that means I'll pop in more often. I think it's Julia -- she inspires me to write by talking about it. I'm really glad she's back here. I don't want to take anything away from my other friends because I love them too -- but there's just something so specific that I get from Julia that I can't seem to get anywhere else. It's weird. I think sometimes that's what love is.

Good night!

Dear Julia,

I'm too lazy to post, so I'm just going to put up pictures again. Hope that's okay.

love,

me

PS -- Can you tell how whacky the hair color is? I'm trying to get back to my roots, literally.

Dear Julia,

Today was our Ravenchase Adventure. It's a scavenger hunt and they do it in different areas, but mostly Norfolk and Richmond. I think they have one in Charlotte too.

It starts out with them emailing you a clue. It's a real poem and then another poem that's the clue. You solve the clue by using the real poem. You email them to let them know if you got it, and they will respond to you and let you know if you are right.

The first clue tells you where to meet. Then you meet there at the appointed time and size up your competition. The chase leaders (or whoever they're called) give you your "toolkit" and a scroll with 4 clues and a map. The 4 clues are riddles and puzzles that you have to decipher. Anagrams and codes are used frequently. There's no order to the clues, so it doesn't matter where you find them. You just have to figure out all 4.

The clues will also lead you to other clues. And usually they are buried.

The other teams are doing the same things you are, but there's no telling what order they're going in. But we would see other teams while we were searching and would often figure out where things are based on things the other team would do.

There is a LOT of walking. I got so much exercise today that I crammed myself full of food and beverage when we got to the end. Mmmmmmm, nachos.

There were about 20 people out there. We were all geeks. :)

There was one lone girl who needed a group to team up with, so we let her come with us. That made for even more fun, having a total stranger in our group. Plus, she was black so that led to numerous really interesting racial conversations. She had her moments, but I really bonded with her and had fun hanging out with her today. But, since I tend to get too attached to people early on, I'm trying to dial it down.

The other people in our team were Scott (of course), Travis and Rocky. Rocky drove the Mystery Machine -- so we had the internet and GPS and beverages AND a bathroom!! We were SET. (I won the award for most uses of the bathroom, but I was SUPER cold and have a tiny bladder.)

Sometimes, the chase has actors that get involved. You're never sure who they are. On our first clue search, I saw guy sitting off by himself in an area that seemed weird for him to be off by himself. He had a bag and I thought he was eating lunch -- or pretended. So, I went up to him to try to flirt him in to giving us tips. Asking if he knew about the Raven or what we were looking for. He had NO idea, or said he didn't. I walked a little closer to talk to him and I realized that he wasn't eating dinner. He was listening to music and a had two or three dirty magazines out with him. Oh My. I was SO mortified. Wow. I was all "you're looking at dirty magazines!!" And he was all, "they're just another type of art."

Man, I got away from that area quickly. Our new friend told him that she wouldn't get involved in him because a LADY never takes out trash! :0)

We followed one team or they followed us for a little while. We kept running in to them, but we wound up finishing before they did. Which made me feel a little bad, but not much.

Anyways, Julia. It was lots of fun! I didn't really contribute much on the solving end, but I really had fun following the group around and looking for the clues. I came really close many times but still never quite found any. Still, it was fun. I really want to do it again.

later --

HPL

PS -- If I get any pictures from the group, I'll post them here for you.

Dear Julia,

Wouldn't it be easier for you to get your own blog not to update? Do you really enjoy these forced posts? Do they make you happy?

Perhaps I should retitle the blog, Inside of How Heather is Manipulated by Julia's Need to Read Something More interesting.

That seems a little long.

I'm home ill today. Just a sore throat, but I am a baby when it comes to that. I'll go to work with snot running down my face and headaches and whatever, but you give me a scratchy throat and I want my mommy.

And a vat of ice cream. Which luckily we don't have because if we did have it, we wouldn't anymore.

But, enough about me Julia. Let's talk about you. What do you think of me? WHY do you want me to write when it has been delineated to mindless drivel?

How about a co-blog? I'll add you as an author and you can post articles about white privilege and we can discuss them? You can come up with some of the inane drivel.

I'm tapped out of content. I can't have kids just for the blog content, especially since that will mean I really won't have time to blog.

I haven't read too much for pleasure lately, though I did just finish Jodi Picoult's Vanishing Acts. Gotta tell you, don't get the hype. My Sister's Keeper was much better and had a much better ending and was just a better story over all. I've read several of Ms. Picoult's books and so far, that's still my favorite one.

But, no more pleasure reading for me for a while because I'm back in class and have to read school stuff or I get too far behind and I berate myself. It's weird being back in school, especially now that it's "real" college and not community college. For everyone who tried to humor me that that WAS real school, I respond -- you've never been. I'm not ready for term papers and literary reviews.

Ick.

But, I want to get done.

So much so that I'm sitting around watching lots of crap on tv today instead of doing school stuff.

But, I'm sick so it's okay.

Back to you, Julia. Shall I talk about how disappointed I am that you won't be visiting this month? Or for several months to come? That even though I know you can't afford it, I really was looking forward to hanging out with you and doing silly things like drinking too much and hashing out our old arguments and looking at old pictures.

Okay, I wasn't looking forward to the hashing part, but I know it's going to happen because you told me it had to.

I'm glad you're back in the US and not smoking hookahs lost in Europe anymore.

I'm glad we talk a lot.

I wish you lived closer.

Maybe then you'd stop bugging me to post stuff.

until next month,

H.