Friday nights

Speaking of commitment fears, one of my biggest is going to be the loss of Fridays. I love Friday nights. It's the beginning of the weekend and it's almost always when Scott and I get together. It's usually pretty lax. We may go out to dinner, we may go to a movie or the grocery store but nothing earth-shattering to anyone else in the world. But we just get to talking, the way we never do during the week. And usually the way we never will again over the weekend.

But, it's because we haven't seen each other or talked that much on the phone that Friday nights are the way they are. Is there ever going to be a night like that when we see each other every night?

I worry about this.

Talk about silly things like... He's looking over at me wistfully and he says, "You know, we've never been shithoused together. I think we should do that before we get married." And me thinking that that was the craziest and yet somehow most romantic thing that anyone's ever said to me. Isn't that funny? So, now we have tentative plans to go out on Valentine's Day and just get trashed together. We were going to ask a bunch of people to go with us, but then we realized that's why we had never had this illusive moment before. Because either one of us was staying sober because we had to drive or else we were too busy making sure everyone else was happy to really enjoy the moment together. The only time was the very first night we got together... So, we just decided to be crazy drunk barflies on our own.

Speaking of the first night we got together, I was thinking about that this Friday night too. We were watching that Band Reunited show and this guy from Squeeze said, "can you ever recreate your first kiss?" And I got to thinking about our first kiss and how even after we broke up that time -- I never forgot it. How monumental it was. I had never had (nor did I ever have after) a first kiss like that. Like going home, like staring at the sun. Like you could suddenly hear the music of the spheres! (Who's been reading Pythagoras, huh -- huh?) Even if I really try to think about it, I have a hard time remembering my first kiss with anyone else I'd ever been with. They just were ordinary. Not like with Scott. It was just sweepingly grand. It was like a movie.

Anyways... That's Fridays. I like Fridays and I am really afraid to lose that feeling.

But, then maybe... Everyday could be like Friday, huh?

I think that's what helps me. Believing that.

-hp