open letter to new friends and old

I'm making a new friend (or bringing a new prospect into the cult, whatever) and, as I always do, I gave her a link to the blog. It's about the only time I get traffic (another than Cattiva I don't think I have any regular readers -- at least none that have anything to say about what I say) and I'm vain. (No, you Heather? Vain? Huh.) [note: so desperate for feedback I am now talking to myself IN PRINT as well as in person...]

Where was I? Ah yes, new friend/cult prospect... How bizarre it must have been for her to learn through the blog that my dad had died. She called to offer her condolences and then admitted she felt odd talking to me after knowing all this personal stuff about me through the blog.

I never thought about it like that. It never occurred to me that someone who didn't know me that well might not be ready to know me THIS well. It is a bit Full Heather Jacket for the newly initiated. Most people generally can only stand the watered down version at first. It takes some time to take your Heather straight up.

I understand this.

So, my dear new friend if you are still here allow me to explain.

I am lazy. Very. I want all that get-to-know you stuff, because that's nice. But who the fuck has time for that? It's not like I would have ever had time to share all the nuances of my relationship with Scott or my friends or my past or whatever in the amount of time that we will actually get to spend hanging out. But, you well know that it is THESE nuances that make a person's life what it is and therefore makes that person who they are. I like to learn those little details about people's lives and arrogantly assume that they would like to know these things about me to try to "get" me, just as I want to "get" them.

Having people that I first meet read my blog is kind of a short cut to that end. Plus, knowing someone might be stopping by in blog world has a similar impact as knowing someone is dropping by your house has on real world. I try harder to put on a show and put some material out there to make it interesting for the visitor -- just as I try harder to pick the house up and get it looking presentable for company. (Not that this is ever successful, but I solved this problem by almost NEVER having anyone over to visit anymore. What they can't see, can't embarrass me!)

So, don't think this stuff is TOO personal or you know too much. Trust me, if this is all there was to me, then that wouldn't leave much. Most of the TOO personal stuff really does stay inside Heather's head. (Or at least in one of Scott's ears and out the other.)

Feel free to read on and try not to worry that you know too much about me to be comfortable. If it gets to be too much, you can always stop reading. I stopped trying to write for other people when I realized that other people weren't stopping by and I still wanted to write. Generally, I write for an imagined audience of what I hope are close friends or people who would like to be.

I'm still hoping to find people looking for solicited overly blunt advice, but there's another blog for you. (How many planned blogs are mentioned out there? 10? Well, won't THAT give me material on slow news days!)

I'm off to bed -- so much for being well-rested before tomorrow night's show... Going to see Movin' Out at Chrysler Hall -- SO excited!

kisses new friends and old ~

H.