I'm not sure if it is possible to be addicted to beauty crap, but if it is I definitely am. And have been for as long as I can remember. One person can regale with glee the stories of "all of those little bottles" and no one ever worries about not having any makeup if they come by my house and realize they need to put some on. I usually have a pretty fair amount. I don't generally venture too far out of my earth tone makeup colors but I do have an array of them.

What is it about makeup? I think it's the magic of it all. I love it so much that I'm pretty sure I've blogged about it before -- but who cares? Is ANYONE keeping score here? Where was I...? Ah, the magic. I get up and do my shower thing and then I transform myself into someone that has smoother pores and more defined eyes. Not too much, just enough to look better. It takes a fair amount of makeup to look like you're not wearing any but it's worth it.

And with apologies to my Avon lady, I must say that I love Clinique. LOVE the Clinique. Just stopped by tonight and donated part of my Christmas bonus and loved it. I've always gotten good service (have to go to Dillard's though, the Hecht's girls aren't as good -- so said the Dillard's girl) and just love to play. Although, I am convinced that they go to the same school of comments. Every time I go to the Clinique counter I generally get one or all of the following comments:

Do you exfoliate?
Have you tried moisturizer? (This one is pretty funny because it generally comes after a chat with the consultant about how I have such dry skin and I have a really hard time with that.)
You have such a gorgeous mouth -- people pay money for lips like this. (I swear I am not making this up -- I have heard this more than twice. It can't be a coincidence, they must tell them to say this.)
You are so funny.

I think funny people must not visit the Clinique counter very often because they're generally pretty amused by me. I used to think this was just a suck-up thing to make me buy things, but I just learned they don't earn commission -- so I'm back to my original theory. Don't get me wrong, I know I'm funny but I'm not THAT funny. You just need to get out more.

Anyways... Bought this scary but cool lipstick tonight. I've been looking for a shiny red lipstick for a while but whenever I try to buy one it's always wrong. I realized I needed expert help. So, I was directed to the Queen of the Lipsticks. This stuff requires at least a Bachelors degree in proficiency at applying lipstick, so it's not for the faint-hearted. I am a little faint-hearted when it comes to lipstick, having had one too many experiences that left me looking like a cheap hooker but I'm desperate. So, you have to very precisely paint this stuff onto your lips and then you have to let it dry. Very carefully. If it doesn't dry just so, or if you (God forbid!) try to blot your lips then you are completely screwed. The stuff will flake and the flaking will never end. You'll be flaking til you die! THEN, you have to put the shiny stuff on. But don't put it on too soon or the colored stuff will get gritty and you're screwed again.

But that's not the scariest part. The scariest part is that it doesn't come off. Well, at least not easily. I washed my face and about half of it was still clinging on. Then I used 3 layers of Vaseline and it STILL didn't come off. What does it take? I'm thinking nuclear reaction.

I may need to get a lip implant after all -- I think I lost a few layers scraping this stuff off.