I am really fucking angry right now.

We went out with my husband's co-workers tonight to say farewell to one of his co-workers. Bon voyage -- turns out there are greener pastures in Indiana, who would have thunk it?

Well, ONE of his co-workers is a woman who I have had varying degrees of issues with. We'll call her Sheila, for identity purposes. Sheila likes to talk about sex -- A LOT. I am uncomfortable with the level of sex talk around my husband (much less what I DON'T know about) and I don't even consider myself to be an uptight person. However, I also know that Sheila has had a lot of misfortune in her personal life, and because of which I try to be understanding. Sheila has a lot of self-esteem issues which has led her to be involved in abusive relationships. Having been there/done that -- this is not something I take lightly.

Tonight, Sheila has a bit too much to drink. This is not unusual. She has a break-down because of the too much to drink and who has to go rescue her in the bathroom post-vomit (thankfully!)? Yours truly. She is a COMPLETE wreck. No one loves her, she wants what I have with Scott, she can't understand why everyone treats her so bad... Etc.

I really have to refrain from slapping her and I am not a violent person. I try to reason with her. Look, you have to love yourself before anyone else can love you -- do you think I could have what I have with Scott if I didn't have some respect for myself first? Do you think someone is going to just rescue you from your life? Fuck that. Respect yourself, respect what you have accomplished. Jesus Christ -- this woman is a single mother of a BEAUTIFUL daughter who is an accomplished dancer and the woman is successful in her own right. Makes tons of money on her own, for herself and doesn't even appreciate what she has. And why?! Why?!

Because she doesn't have a fucking man to snuggle up with at night! It makes me so angry I can hardly type. Men are men.

I love Scott. I do. But that's because he is SCOTT -- he is not just some man who came along and did the right thing the right amount of times. He earned it. Yes, he fucks up A LOT and there have been plenty of times I have wondered what I was thinking but I did NOT want to be with him because he was a man -- I wanted to be with him because he was Scott and he was THE man for me. It makes me so so so so angry to hear women who say they want to be with a man and they NEED a man and they think it is pathetic because they have gone for X amount of time without having sex. Are you kidding me? Sex is sex. You can get that anywhere and you are kidding yourself if you think just any man that can "hold you so tight" is going to solve that. You don't need to be held tight -- you need therapy. You need to learn self-respect and self-worth.

And you know what, contrary to what I always say -- it is NOT that simple. It is hard hard work to believe that you are worth something and that you don't deserve just anything and that you do deserve to be with someone who treats you decent. But maybe when you believe that you won't keep talking about sex to anyone and everyone who will listen. That's NOT who you are -- and YOU do deserve better.