Pity, Party of One, Pity?

You know, for someone who loathes self-pity as much as I do -- I sure do it a lot. But, I've just been thinking -- here I am, going through all this stress and stupid fights with Scott over the wedding this and the wedding that and all of this talk about the wedding... And the fact is that the wedding really just is, in part, a reason to get together and celebrate our union with my friends.

Which means I'm throwing a party for my friends.

This is something that I normally love to do. But, lately -- I feel like I'm the only one participating in the friend game. I'm the one calling and writing and planning get-togethers. But, as it turns out -- when I don't do those things, I don't hear from people.

Which makes me think... I'm not sure what, but it makes me sad.

And it makes me wonder -- why am I driving Scott crazy with wedding talk this and that and stressing out about the size and scope of the thing over people from whom I'm apparently drifting apart?

See, self-pity is disgusting. The fact is that everyone's busy with their lives, just like I get busy with mine when I drift away from people that I've been close to. But that only makes me feel worse, because then I think of the people that I've let down by drifting and I think perhaps this is the fate I deserve.

Insert couch for fainting, preferably while clutching a lace hankie.

Anyways, it's likely just hormones -- it usually is. But, still. I feel kind of like going on strike. You wanna see me or talk to me or get together with me? Well, YOU plan it then. It feels pretty crappy feeling like you only talk to people because you bully them into it. I feel like a stalker.

The thing is that there are people with bigger problems than mine. They're doing a big shake up at work and my boss doesn't even know if she'll have a job tomorrow. Has been living with the potential axe hanging over her head for about 2 weeks now. I would think that would be a lot worse than having a self-pity party over drifting from your friends.

And that's what I'm going to tell myself, but the fact is that I am on strike.

At least until it's time for me to plan another party. A regular one, not a pity one that is.