Too many Daddies

My parents still don't have power so they've been popping over (as previously noted) to utilize my electricity -- namely to keep up with their tv viewing.

It is making me crazy.

Please understand that I love my parents but having them in my house for extended periods of time is weird. I'm the kid, they're the grown-ups -- I'm supposed to be barging in on them.

Still, I came home tonight to the smell of a meal cooking and sounds in my house. That was nice. I can't even remember how long it's been since I had someone to come home to. Anyone. I guess since just about the last time I lived with them, a few years ago really. In some ways, it made my house seem more like a home. That thing that gets hot in the kitchen actually being used, the thing with chairs around it had... What's that called? Plates on it. Weird. Life happening. A sense of being normal, almost.

But.

My parents are in my house. It's very suffocating and making me a little depressed. And the depression is linked to the guilt, I think. I feel guilty that they do not have power and I do. I feel guilty that they have done SOOOO much for me in my life and I can't even seem to be more generous about them coming over and hanging out. Soaking up the cool air and tv and computer and ice. It's terrible.

I feel guilty that I have power. Isn't that weird?? Like I've won some game unfairly or cheated on a test or something. It's the most bizarre thing. I feel like by not being traumatized by the storm that I've done something wrong. I really am fucked up.

Therapy. Or lots of alcohol. Or something. Perhaps the amount of crack my cube neighbor thinks I generally take would alleviate some of the guilt. I don't know.

In the meantime, I'm going to continue to pretend that I'm perfectly content to have my parents lolling about my house, and hope that supressing my extreme desire to be alone doesn't cause me to have an ulcer.

In Sarah Jessica mode: I had to wonder... how can I ever hope to be successful in a long-term relationship if I can't even be comfortable around the people who gave me life?

Perhaps tomorrow will be more guilt-free...
-HP