"Lovingston Cafe reports record sales after blond's blog"

I'm reporting LIVE (mostly) from Charlottesville where I'm spending the weekend with HP2, whom I have ALREADY worn out at 8pm with my double shots of gin -- bwa ha ha! Now the laptop is mine, all mine I tell you!

Unfortunately, I get little thrill from absconding the laptop because its ease of handling is just TOO easy for me. Where's the extra number buttons at? Where's the mouse at? Duhhhh... Someday I could get used to being this lax while working on the computer but the easy-breezy keyboard is a little TOO stress-free for me. I like to get a workout with my typing! Lord knows its the only one I get!

I went hiking today. No, you haven't stumbled onto the wrong blog -- this is me, Heather. New and improved. Hiking Heather, we call her. (Doesn't that just sound like one of Barbie's friends??) (Did I mention that I too had double shots of gin?) Besides, it was just a mini-hike. Up to Crabtree Falls, or I think that's what the sign said. I don't know -- couldn't see much over my blurred vision and the huffing and puffing was causing me to see things in triplicate. But I made it to the top of the falls without TOO much complaining (hell, HP2 doesn't have a blog so it's not like you'll ever know!) and it really was gorgeous. Apparently, 23 people have died from trying to climb the rocks near the falls, but I think they were just looking for a faster way down than climbing. And really, how often do they update those signs?? 23 people since WHEN? If that's since people first started coming to the falls, well that's not that many people really. Statistically, probably at least one of you reading this will be dead by next year. (Have you considered your life insurance needs? Have you considered writing your will and including me in it? Supporting the blog and all that??) And even it hasn't been since the beginning of the falls visits, let's just say it's been in the last 10 years. Well, that's only like 2.3 people a year, right? Or maybe it was a big group of 23 people who were all climbing the rocks at the same time, for a kitschy group shot and then :::BAM::: went tumbling to their untimely group demise -- what's the harm there? After all, they've all got each other in the afterlife, haven't they? Except for the poor schmuck taking THAT picture! Bet he never gets anyone to gather in poses anymore -- "no, no -- JUST the Grand Canyon, no people!"

But I morbidly digress... After our mini-hike, HP2 announces that she must have red meat and since she was starting to eye me a little too closely, we decided to go to the aptly named Lovingston Cafe in -- surprise! -- Lovingston. It stems off of an auto parts store but we decided not to be dissuaded by that like some of her previous companions, not as cools as I. There was NO one there and we weren't too sure they were even open until we rather ingeniously noted the neon OPEN sign in the window. We staggered in and were directed to a nice little table on the OPEN patio. They didn't have steak on the lunch menu, but the burgers were sounding appealing ensconced in the fabulous array of menu options so we both ordered our own favorite, Pricess-version of the burger. (Myself, cheeseburger with a side salad -- aka "greens" and HP2 mushroom-swiss with the standard fries but with BBQ sauce for dipping.) Since the waitress spoke so highly of the scallops and the oysters (both fried) we managed to get her to drum up an appetizer version of those as well. The scallops were AWESOME but as good as the oysters are, I definitely prefer them in a non-fried variety. Shortly after, the burgers arrived and I am here to tell you that it's not just because I was starving -- the burgers were kick-ass amazing! Somehow both well-done and yet moist and tender. I've never seen that happen. They required almost no chewing, which defies explanation. The BBQ sauce that came with HP2's fries was so good it was worth eating by itself -- I have never in my life tasted sauce that so completely captured the smoky essence of barbecue. It was so good you just didn't want it to be over. As Daddy would say, it was so good it would make you want to smack your momma in the mouth! (No, I don't know what this means either.) We were in heaven, just grinning and smacking and eating. And just when it was over and we were replete with our satisfaction, the waitress (or Angel really) came and offered dessert. We thought we were obliging her by asking her what the desserts were, even after our amazing seafood and burger experience still expecting something crappy and dull -- like a fruit cup or jello or vanilla OR chocolate ice cream... MAYBE apple pie a la mode. Nope, Milky Way Pie and Volcano Cake and Eclair Cheesecake... I had the Milky Way thing and HP2 had the Volcano Cake (aka sin -- chocolate cake filled with chocolate fudge with whipped cream on top) and then we died. I not only wanted a cigarrette after the meal, I wanted a cigar. It was just incredible. I wanted to find the chef and kiss him on the MOUTH. In fact, I was very tempted to offer him any other favors but decided my Daddy wouldn't look too kindly on that! (Then again, if he had eaten the meal I had just eaten, he may well have done the same thing!)

Lovingston Cafe in Lovingston, Va -- motto: never overlook a restaurant just because its attached to an auto parts store!

And now, HP2 is roused and we're gonna get girl-i-fied and hit the town and rope us some frat boys! Er, I mean we're gonna sit home and read the Bible to one another all night. ;-)

Soon to be....
-hp