Remember Me?

If you want to get a good gauge on how you feel about your current relationship, it's a good idea to try having someone from your past ask you out for dinner and drinks to "catch up." It's a nice feeling knowing that I am not even remotely tempted. Not because he's not a great guy (Mr. Past) because he is. He didn't do right by me, but what're you gonna do? He had his reasons and I wasn't overly heartbroken.

Because the thing was -- I was really only dating HIM because he reminded me in a lot of ways of someone that I had once dated before. Someone that HAD meant a great deal to me. Someone that I had never really gotten over. Someone who had broken my heart. And it turned out that that someone felt pretty bad that he had broken my heart and wanted to make it up to me.

And he has and he does -- because that someone is the person I refer to as S or Daddy throughout the blog! (Raise your hand if you didn't see this coming so we can switch you to the short bus tomorrow.)

But, whatever -- Mr. Past came rolling into town and sent me an email asking me out. Ostensibly just to catch up -- if there was no one who would object. The fact is that even if I weren't with Daddy, I would be the one who objects, but like the good Princess I am I blamed my Daddy. I wrote Mr. Past and told him that it wouldn't be fair to take him up on his offer when I know that he knows that I know that he didn't just want to "catch up." He was trying to bribe me with free food -- like, even if you don't really want to see me, at least you'll still get free dinner and drinks. I'm wondering what this says about me -- I can't stand you but I'll hang out with you if you buy me food and alcohol?? Seriously.

The thing is that I not only feel no pangs of regret for not being able to be with men from my past, I can't even drum up an afternoon daydream over other men I see around. I'll see someone around who's cute but as soon as my brain attempts down the roll in the hay thoughts -- it just shuts down. "You don't want to think about those things with THAT guy, Heather -- he's not Daddy." It's like I can't even PICTURE being with anyone else. It pisses me off, frankly. He still looks at other women's butts and Lord knows what rolls through his head when he does it, why can't I? Why am I on monogamy overload?

I can't even complain about it, because I don't even mind. I love the boy. He puts strange curses on me in the midnight hour (don't ask) and doesn't have quite as much tolerance for my whining as I would like, but other than that I have no complaints.

So, take that Mr. Past!

HP