Because you never get tired of reading about my butt...

Fight was resolved. Too bad. Was really hoping for some action.

Went to the doctor yesterday (it IS tu-mah, but it doesn't mat-tah) and had the loveliest experience when the nurse weighed me and registered audible surprise at my weight. I told her that no one ever realizes that I am as fat as I am. I am okay with that!

And then I realized that our salary isn't the only thing people never talk about. People won't off say how much they weigh unless they have lost weight. Then they're very PROUD of it. So, as a result I really don't have any idea what different weights should look like. I just know that it seems like I'm rounder than about all of my female friends -- who CARE about what they look like -- and much less so than most of my males friends, who do not care. It allows me to have a healthy balance of low and high self-esteem.

The fact is that if I weren't carrying the weight of a toddler on my butt, what on EARTH would I have to complain about?? I may have to start tackling the world's problems, and who has time for that? I can't go solve crime and fight world hunger because I have to complain about how fat my ass is, people!! That is my job.

It's funny because every time I make these comments at my own expense, people always tell me to stop and it's not as though I am REALLY fat (because 50lbs overweight isn't enough to get you in the club??) but they're laughing the whole time. Don't laugh when I say that it looks like someone grabbed my ass and the impression stayed, because that is just going to encourage me. That's the problem with making jokes at my own expense. After all, I am my greatest source of material because I am with me 24/7. So, I don't really think about trying to protect my own feelings because I know that I don't mean the things that I say, at least not to the depth of cruelty that they can sometimes reach... It's just that I can't really use other people because if I made fun of them to the point that I make fun of MYSELF, well they would probably cry.

I'm off for more material. I think I'll just start recycling old blogs. No one read all that stuff anyways and some of it is really good. So hearty is my own vanity that I find myself re-reading stuff from the archives and thinking, "damn -- that was funny! I SHOULD be a columnist! Why am I not famous yet??"

::snort:: Are there actually still people who are concerned that I have LOW self-esteem? Please write my boyfriend at youvegottobekiddingme@whatever.com if you have these concerns... ;-)

HP