Tis the Season to feel Guilty fa la la la la la...

Tomorrow Christmas season officially begins for me because tomorrow my Christmas bonus hits my paycheck! Wa-HOO! The only problem is that the guilt has already started to seep into the cracks and crevices.

Biggest reason? My team is sponsoring a child through our office "Angel tree." What a great thing to do for a kid that's local and in need. I went out to pick him up some pants tonight as part of the process and that's when the guilt kicked in so hard that I thought I would pass out in the middle of the Old Navy. The only thing on this poor kid's wish list is clothes. That's it. Remember when you were a kid and you got a bunch of clothes for Christmas, what a letdown that was?? I just got the visual of the kid coming back from the Christmas break and all the other kids talking about all the cool toys they got and him just shuffling along, talking 'bout he got some clothes. And the fact is that if he's in a position to be asking for clothes for Christmas, then things are rough. I mean, the boy's only 10. Ten years old and doesn't ask for a bicycle or anything else like that -- he's asking for clothes. Which means he must really need 'em.

And damn, doesn't that just break your friggin' heart?? I think about all the times I have agonized in the morning about what to wear to work and thought to myself, "I do not have ANYTHING to wear." Yeah, just a closet full of damned clothes. It's sickening. And I don't have a lot but I think when is enough going to be enough?? When will I be satisfied?

It's the guilt. I feel guilty for having things and not being able (and let's be blunt, in some cases willing) to do more for others who don't have things. It's ridiculous. I can't put money in all of the Santa's buckets, can I?

I don't know. I do know this -- I am lucky. Damned lucky. I have clothes and while I don't have food, that's a choice. I have a house and it's warm in the winter and cool in the summer. Both of my parents are still alive and doing pretty well and they never beat me or verbally abused me or anything. I have friends who listen to me in all my Princess glory whining and bitching and crabbing, usually when I have little to complain about. I have a boyfriend who loves me and makes me laugh and listens to me when I cry and accepts me for all my warts and everything.

I'm not going to let this guilt bring me down, I'm going to channel it to remind that I feel that way because I DO have it so good and learn to appreciate that more.

Happy Holidays Y'all -- Rise about the guilt!