Runaway Day

We spent the day in Norfolk, which for Scott is about akin to going to Cleveland. Long way away and not too keen on why he wants to go there. He hung out while I got my speedy trim and then we hit the Chrysler Museum. WHOLE lotta glass in there! Let's just say that the fact that my sign is Taurus the Bull has often proved to be self-fulfilling. I was pretty nervous. Turned out okay. But they did ask me to not come back again for a long time.

Just kidding.

Blah, blah, blah -- went to dinner at Kelly's and then had plans to go see a free showing of Runaway Jury with my godmother, her work friend and HER husband. We hung out and bs'ed over dinner and then stood in line and bs'ed some more. Saw the movie -- which was good. They took a pretty interesting turn from the book and I am not entirely certain WHY they went the way they did. I also felt that the movie made it fairly obvious where the main character's sympathies really lay. But, I think this may have been because I read the book -- because in my own informal poll after the movie, none of the others felt that way at all. And I did agree with the "host" of the free showing when he said that the reason why it wasn't a big deal, per se, that the basis for the case in the movie changed (I'm not giving away any plot points -- in the book it was "Big Tobacco" in the movie it was "Gun Lobby") was because the point was about jury tampering. How easy it is to do both legally and illegally.

We're strolling to the car, just my Daddy and me, and I'm chatting about the movie and he's answering with some of his own thoughts. But when I get to the car I realize he has another agenda. He asks me what I think about the Work Friend's husband. Let me give you some background -- he never asks what I think about anyone purely for the sake of asking me what I think about anyone. He likes to tell me HIS spin and see what I think. It's utterly and completely fascinating the things he sees and thinks that just never even occur to me to think about.

I'm not going to get into the WHOLE conversation because that would be a blog unto itself. It's really about how one thing about a person is something that takes him down an entirely different train of thought than it does me. Trains of thought I never even considered boarding. Please do not interpret that on any levels I think this is a bad thing, it's just incredibly interesting to me. He has such a way of describing these thought processes and these characteristics and why he thinks this way and that way that I'm just completely mesmerized. To the point that I can't believe I never even thought that way. That those things never even occurred to me!

It makes me feel a little dumb sometimes.

He wouldn't like that, it would make him talk about these things even less. (In case you hadn't figured out, Scott's blog reading has tapered off dramatically -- we can now feel free to talk about him like he's out of the room.) And I would really hate that. He opens up rooms in my dusty brain and shines a flashlight in them and stirs up some dustbunnies and sprays some airfreshener around. It's a never-ending amusement ride for me... This is the part where I get whiny and self-indulgent. You may want to skip this one and wait til I blog something more frothy...

I can't figure it out. I know that I'm not providing him with this level of intellectual stimulation. Sometimes, maybe. Sometimes we have conversations and we banter back and forth with our opinions and I can see that he is legitimately thinking about the points that I have made and even taking them into account. This doesn't happen very often. I'm just not about the deep thoughts. I want to be. I want to be the kind of person who is interested in widely and varied things, but I just can't seem to get there. I try to read and watch and see things of intellectual stimulation and they just bore me to tears 85% of the time. The other 15% it's because I saw some movie of the week and I decided to have an opinion. It's sad. I happened to read a newspaper article because the comics weren't available. I read Newsweek because the cover story was about Friends and while flipping to get there I happened to read something that was noteworthy.

It's just weird -- when I have these a-HA moments about why I'm with him and why I enjoy our relationship, they seem to be coupled with similar thoughts that I can't figure out why he's with me and why he enjoys our relationship. I realize that a lot of this sounds like a low self-esteem thing and some of it is, but let me clarify -- I think I'm pretty cool. I am just ditzy enough to be dangerous, but I know what rigor mortis is -- for God's sake. I'm not going to get into a laundry list of things that I like about me but I know what they are. I just can't figure out why any of those things would appeal to someone like him. Isn't that funny?

The best part is that just like every other woman on the planet who has found herself in this position, I can't seem to let the point rest. Realistically, I have to realize that on some planes it's a self-fulfilling prophecy. If I constantly question him about what it is he sees in me, then sooner or later he's bound to do the same thing and bam -- standing in whatever the dating version of the unemployment line is. But, I'm a pesterer and festerer -- I have never in my life been able to leave well enough alone and while I've learned plenty from my mistakes, some behaviors just can't be modified. It's just that simple.

I'm gonna let it go though. I don't want him to figure it out. I like this amusement ride and I plan to give the guy my tickets and go for the ride again for as long as the ticket-takers don't make me get off the ride and get back in line.

Damn. I promise I'm going to sign up for analogy class soon.

When is this shit going to get funny again? Was it ever funny?

-HP <--- bet you're surprised by that, but it's true! ;-)