I'm vain and I'm proud

It's a sad thing in life when I have a Hallmark moment because I didn't wear eyeliner to work. What's up with THAT?

The day started off with a exfoliation snafu. I had left the stuff at Scott's house, so I picked it up last night and zealously scraped off the week's worth of dead skin since I last had the wonder product. Perhaps a little too zealously because my skin was a little sensitive. Nevertheless, I proceeded boldly forward with makeup as usual. But, I decided that I was going to make a life change and tone down my "day" makeup. (My God I read too many fashion magazines, don't I?) No more eyeliner while the sun was shining for me, no sir.

I honestly think that I am so shallow that I can't think properly when my face isn't right. I just felt off all day. I think part of it was my tingly skin, but part of it was the look of defeat and hang-dog tiredness that I had without the extra eye makeup. It sucks. I want to like my face, you know, naked. But I don't. Not in public. As soon as I come home and it's just me, I get as ugly as I possibly can and really try to push the bar there. I'd wear pink curlers in my hair and a mud mask just to prove the point, but the curlers are too much trouble and the mask renders me unable to speak and we can't have that. (It's cruel of you to point out that there's no one here for me to talk to -- you obviously have absolutely no clue how much I talk to myself!)

I'm not saying that I'm all that gorgeous with the stuff on, but it's just different. I could (and have) go on for pages about how wonderful makeup is but it's disturbing that I'm so addicted to it. I don't want to be one of those women whose biggest problem of the day is finding out I had lipstick on my teeth...

Then again, there are worse things. And I'm not saying that I'm not grateful that that is the worst problem of the day. That's actually part of the problem. My addiction to little bottles and fashion magazines really makes me feel shallow. My lack of any real problems makes me feel surperficial and inane. Which is ridiculous. I have had my share of problems, haven't I? But, the funny thing is that putting on a new face when things are going hard really does help me through those times. And if I can overcome my problems by buying new lipstick, how hard can those problems really have been? If I'm thrown off course by a bad hair day, how am I going to deal with the real problems that are bound to be thrown my way??

My God, I DO worry about this silliest shit don't I? Think I'll go buy an eyelash curler online...

HP