I got stood up tonight. By a friend -- a female friend.

That's the part that really gets to me. I have been stood up by men so many times in my life that I can't even begin to tell you what that number is. But not by a woman.

Because what woman hasn't been stood up by a man before? It's happened to all of us. And we all go through the same emotional nightmare of will he or won't he call?? Trying to make excuses for him why he hasn't called but all we're really thinking is that there's just no excuse for not picking up the phone and calling someone and saying you're going to be late or whatever.

I kept getting more and more agitated because it kept getting later and later than when she was supposed to show up to meet me at Scott's house and no word and no way to get in touch with her. (People without cell phones take note -- having the annoying device keeps others from stressing out about your whereabouts.) I tried her house a couple of times and not there. I was falling over myself from exhaustion anyways and took a nap around 10. When I wanted to be home and in bed. But I didn't want to leave in case she just showed up with some excuse about losing track of time.

Scott woke me up about 11 and I called and she answered the phone. I didn't know whether to kill her or hug her -- I was both mad and relieved at the same time. I had even called the non-emergency police line like some crazed mom just to find out how I could learn about any possible accidents that night. That's how sure I was that something must have happened because she would just never ever ever ever leave me hanging like that, knowing I was expecting to see her.

So, she was home and just like a man, gave me some excuses why she hadn't come over nor had she called me to say that she wasn't coming. I was too upset, and let her go. I was, and still am, completely bowled over that someone that I consider to be such a good friend could overlook such a basic common courtesy. No matter what the reason. It made me feel very small. Scott tried to cheer me up but being a man, he just can't understand what it feels like to be stood up like that. He wound up just undermining how I felt by telling me that he thought I was blowing things up. How is THAT helping? Just listen to me rant and maybe throw in a couple of "Yeah, I really can't believe she did thats" and then send me home. How friggin' hard is that??

You know, I've been thinking about perception a lot lately because of my communications class. An one of the things that I've come to realize is that I'm never really going to get a clear perspective on how someone else sees things or WHY they see things the way they do or do the things they do. Because even if I try to picture myself in their shoes, that's just it. I'm picturing ME in their shoes and I wouldn't be ME doing the things I was doing or saying those things. I would be the other person. The other person who had lived the life that I had lived and seen and heard and dealt with all the things that I had.

And I'm not. I'm me. I'll be the first to admit that I'm not always great in the call you back game. I get out of touch with people and even when they call, I just don't want to call back because then I have to play the catch-up game and I hate that. It wears me out and makes me feel like my life is kind of dull, even though it isn't. And I'll also admit that I'm not always great about being on time -- usually I have a fairly healthy window after the expected time. But, if I'm not within the window I will call and I would just never NOT meet someone without calling. And t hat's where I lose the perspective. That's when it feels hurtful to be overlooked in that regard. It's one of those things where "I'm doing this for you, why can't you do it for me?"

I don't know. I know that I'm right, but it doesn't make me feel even a little better.

Anyways, now I AM completely spent and going to go snuggle deep down into that bed of mine...