It sounds like a lesson

I'm blunt. I don't always win friends and influence people with this attitude, but the fact is that I just can't seem to stop myself. And the crazier thing is that people generally tell me that this is a quality that they appreciate about me and even though it's hard to take, at least they know where they stand with me.

Yeah, this is true. And the fact is that I'm honestly not sure how well I would do being friends with me. I go up and down in my self-esteem levels -- as many people probably do -- but for the most part, I'm pretty happy with who I am. There are things that I wish I could improve on and a lot more things I wish I was more proactie about, etc. But I'm only one person, I can only do but so much.

But what I realized tonight is that as hard as it may be for me to take someone being straightforward with me, I would rather have it that way than not have the truth told to me straight. Because if someone isn't straight with you about little dumb things, then how can you really know if they are being straight with you about BIG things? If you've been less than straight with me about something as small as liking a shirt that you really DIDN'T like, then why on earth would you be straight with me about a major decision -- like where I should be investing my money or what I should do about a problem I'm having with a co-worker? Maybe you're just going to tell me what you think I want to hear then too, right?

I would rather have my feelings hurt by someone's honesty and have to painfully remind myself that I BEGGED for that honesty than to think that things are one way and really find out that they are another.

I want a real life that's based in reality, not some fantasy world that someone created for me because they didn't want to hurt my feelings.

The fact is that I have been through some crap in my life, just like everyone else has -- a disabled stubborn ass mother, a drinking, emotionally unavailable dad, a bad divorce, bad credit, bad career decisions, bad break-ups, big bad tumors, and just more. I'm still here, I'm still kicking and in spite of all that -- I'm still pretty happy most of the time. Telling me that you don't like my fucking shoes is not going to be the end of my world. I will take your opinion under advisement and if I agree with it then I may change my shoes. But do not tell me that you think that my shoes are great and praise them just to pump my ego up. That's just irrational. I'm human, I'm susceptible to these kind of things and will probably wear my shoes more around you because you like them. I'm just a suck-up that way. I'm looking silly always wearing shoes that you don't like, and you're kind of foolish just not telling me that you're not really crazy about my shoes so you don't have to keep looking at me in them.

Anyways, that's my rant. Just be honest. You don't have to be mean (like me, HA!) to be honest -- just don't blow smoke up my ass. I mean, there are times that we're not going to feel comfortable telling someone that we're not as happy with something that they obviously love, but don't go along with that just for their sake. Sometimes not saying much of anything says PLENTY!

Until next time...
HP