Engaged! 

This picture was taken the night that Scott and I got engaged and happens to sit right next to my computer in a pile of my 10,000 things to do. THAT girl is HAPPY. She had the world at her feet, she finally got the big fish in the leaky boat, and life was good.

I have to look at the girl all the time now to remember why I'm going through all of this madness and turmoil and fighting fighting fighting. There are people in the world that when you ask them how their wedding planning is going, they will smile and just act like all is great with the world.

I want to know where they are getting their drugs? It's either drugs or money. That's the only way to survive this -- have enough money to throw on whatever curveball comes at you or have enough drugs to just not give a fuck.

But, that girl and I... We've been talking a lot lately. I ask her her secrets, ask her to remind me of that night (oh WHAT a night!), and to give me strength. I know that I will be that happy again and that silly but boy oh boy it has been a long time since I was quite as happy with him as I was that night.

Nor he with me. That's the thing. I know that I'm crazy and that I'm illogical and just MAD as a hatter, but the point is -- what can I do? It's not like there is a switch where I can just turn it on and off. Buy some earplugs buddy and call your one married friend. He'll tell you that it's like this. Maybe the one married friend can tell me how long it's going to take us to remember that we really do love each and we really had good intentions from the start.

And God bless Scott (and I do mean this) he has almost never used that dread phrase "I told you so" once I started getting this nutty. I don't know how he does it, because I DEFINITELY deserve to hear it -- but he does.

See, it's little things like that and having that girl and her cheesy horsey grin staring up at me that keep me going. I am NOT kidding.

love you mean it
H.