Have you called your mother today?

Okay, I haven't called mine but that's because, duh, she can't hear. (For those of you who did not know that, it's lost its sadness over time so there is no need to go "awwww...") But, I did get the guilt trip last night for how infrequently she sees me.

It started out innocently enough. She asked if I had gotten the promotion I applied for at work. I said that I still had not heard anything and that she definitely would have heard from me if I had. And she said that no, not necessarily because... Why IS it that she only sees me 45 minutes a week?

I really hate getting caught in my bullshit. It's such a bad feeling, isn't it?

Immediately, the excuses bubble up and that just makes me feel worse. I know that I really am all that she has, that's really not a complete guilt trip -- it's just a fact. I believe that she decided it was going to be that way, but it still is what it is. After Dad died, lots of people were calling and asking about her and would have gladly started hanging out with her, but she didn't want to. She was very emphatic about it. So, now I am her main source of any kind of socializing.

NO pressure!

I think about other people that I know and their relationships with their mothers. I know I see my mom more regularly than a lot of people I know simply because I live in the same state and the same town. And no, I don't spend tons of time with her, but I wouldn't say that I have tons of time to give.

Oy, more excuses. So, to make it worse, when I got home from my too long Statistics class last night, I had an email from her basically telling me to disregard our conversation because it was pitiful for her to ask me to spend more time with her when I apparently didn't want to spend more time with her than I already was. (Hmm, Mom you have a little passive aggressive on your chin there, you might want to get that...)

I mean, seriously...? You're going to go there and then finish by saying you didn't want me to feel guilty. Riiiight.

Yes, I know I should spend more time, okay? But, her house is boring -- it's an antiques store and there is no tv for public consumption. NONE. We have to sit and talk the entire visit. How much is there to say? What new topics can be explored when my life changes so little from day to day??

I'm frustrated with her... And I am still running the roll in my head of my friends and their relationships with their mothers. Doesn't see regularly, doesn't see regularly, doesn't talk to, doesn't talk to much, tries to get away with three visits a year, and so on. And the last one was my own father!!

So, have you called your mother today? Because she's not going to be around forever you know and one day you'll be sorry...

Oy.