Less than 2

Tonight was a monumental night. I hit the 30 pound mark in weight loss and that means that I went below that ugly number that started with a 2.

You know, you never think you're going to get to a point in your life where your weight will start with a 2, much less that far into it. I know I did not. The worst part is that I did not immediately make a change once it got that far. I was in denial. I thought if I told myself enough times that I was happy and healthy that it would be okay. I would do something about it one day. But, one day didn't come until more than a year later...

And even though I did not have anything medically wrong with me at my high weight, I know that couldn't have lasted. But, the best part is that I feel so much better all of the time. I have so much more energy, I feel so much more engaged. Even when I do have days where I still feel lacking in confidence, they don't seem to take me to the same down in the dumps level that I used to get to before. The point where I was just feeling worthless. I mean truly worthless. Being overweight sucks, but particularly when our society values youth and beauty as much as it does.

Take for example the Strippercize class. A friend emailed me after she read that I was taking the class, expressing her envy that I was taking the class and how hard she thought it would be to be that sexy. (Sorry for the paraphrase, J.) And this is a friend that pretty much has the market cornered on sexy, so that's saying a lot. She talked about what she would dance to and would she wind up looking hot and said that yes, she does think about these things and presumes I must too because I'm taking the class.

Actually, I'm taking the class because another friend asked me to join with her. I'm taking the class because Scott said it would benefit the whole family. I'm taking the class because I was feeling a little arrogant about the level of my physical fitness since I started walking 30 minutes a day. That last one really cracks me up, because really you would think I was ready to run a marathon the way I talk about my 30 minutes walking daily. But, for me? 30 minutes 5 days a week?

I mean, have you met me??

Anyways, because I had to go through Stripper Special Ed, I wasn't feeling overly confident about myself. I was definitely the biggest girl in the class, and unfortunately for the girl behind me, I was probably the only girl with gas in the class. (Sorry Star, Moon, Flower, whoever you were.) But, the thing is that in the past that kind of blow to my ego would have been impossible for me to get over. I might not have even wanted to go back to the class again, despite shelling out the money in advance to go.

But, I'm trying not to be that girl anymore. I want to be the confident girl. And part of that is going to involve taking chances and taking risks that aren't always going to work out.

So, I lost the 2 and now it's down to 1. Me. And the never ending journey to discovery and more blog fodder.