Inside Heather's Head

Friday, January 21, 2005

It's time that you knew this about me. I watch tv.

A LOT of tv.

I know, you're shocked. Take a moment to absorb. I've recently confronted my addiction to reality tv shows when I realized that I regularly watch about 5 reality shows (for those of you keeping track at home: The Biggest Loser, The Apprentice, The Real World, The Surreal Life, and recently added Unscripted.) It's embarrassing. I KNOW that they're crack. I know it's wrong. I can't stop it.

I feel so dirty and ashamed of myself. But, I can't stop. I won't stop. Dude, I have 97% quit smoking and what more can you ask of someone? (I would probably be at 100% if there weren't bars.)

The thing is watching these reality shows is like watching a little microcosm of the universe. All of the communication problems that we all have are right there on display. I see it time and time again -- someone isn't communicating with someone else and chaos ensues. I am fascinated by this. Truly. The more problems I see people having communicating, the more I realize just how incredibly difficult it really is to do to truly communicate with another person.

The problem with communication is that it has to involve people. That's it. If there were a way to do it that could eliminate the need for people -- it would solve all the problems. As soon as you start involving people, then you start involving all of the bullshit of each person you are trying to involve. When you say something innocuous like "How was your day?", he hears something entirely different. He can't BELIEVE you are asking how his day was. You suddenly get an entire litany of complaints and madness simply because you were insane enough to ask how his day was -- HOW COULD YOU ASK THAT?! Don't you know what today was? Well, no, you will reply. Which will only elicit more disbelief.

This actually didn't happen to me, although it is something that could have happened. This communication stuff, it's not as easy as they make it sound like. Two different people with two different brains that encompass two different worlds of experience and thoughts and feelings and nuances are trying to speak the same language. The fact that we are able to say anything to anyone and have them really understand what we are saying is truly unbelievably amazing, isn't it?

Don't you get it?!

Probably not -- you are, after all, a person.

SO, this amazing tangent was brought to you by the Healthy Rationalization Foundation. I am rationalizing my crack-like addiction to reality tv by basically asserting that it's because I'm studying people's communication skills.

Am I the master or what? You want to worship me, don't you?

Probably not. After all, you are a person.

Probably not.

5 comments:

Fractious Tart said...: Communication skills are better developed by those with the ability to close their own mouth and LISTEN to others.
We are all guilty of wanting to have our say, (hence this blog I suspect), but better understanding of others is in listening to what they have to say about themselves instead of putting our own views forward without so much as a by your leave.
Reality is exactly that. Reality isn't on the various TV soaps, nor is it on the news. It's actually in your neighbours backyard, at your place of work (though with watching that many soaps I doubt if you do any) and in the shops and restaurants you visit. Get the drift?
Reality is anything which involves you. If it doesn't directly impinge on your own life, it's meaningless. OK, like the Tsunami, it may be bloody awful, but that's what news is. When did you actually hear anything but bad news on the News programmes.
Reality encompasses both aspects, good and bad, and indeed even indifferent.
Tell you what reality is: reality is in the woman who spends all her time watching the reality TV soaps which her husband despises and won't watch with her, consequently losing her affections in her own family circumstances.
PLEASE tear yourself away from the TV, for the sake of your normality and who knows for the betterment of your own family.
Have a good day; 6:50 AM
Fractious Tart said...: Just adding a codicil to my previous comment.
I have a ladies fashion shop at www.thebridesmother.co.uk and have found that the best sales are made to those customers that the staff take time to empathise with.
One of my staff has little ability in this so consequently misses dozens of opportunities. Fortunately I am able to see it happening and most times after the customer has been almost been on the point of leaving I have stepped in and picked up the thread.
I take great pride in knowing that after the first sale to a new customer I can pretty much guarantee she will be back again because of the way she has been treated.
I compare this to the situation in most high street shops where there is little if any direct face to face contact, no empathy at all and little personal interest. The shop assistants are little more than rail filler uppers if you know what I mean. Always busy doing something except dealing directly with the customer.
Such shops aren't doing themselves or customers any good. OK they sell boatloads of stuff but just because they get thousands of browsers in the shop every day. They'd do better by developing their staff communication skills.
If we see any more than a dozen potential customers a day I am lucky, so effective communication is extremely important to us.
In fact a whole load of our customers have become long term friends because of the way we develop two way communication skills. Listen a lot and talk a little.
Said too much for someone who extolls talking a little, haven't I.
Bye and best wishes; 9:57 AM
Heather said...: June: Okay. Wow. First off, thanks for stopping. I think, however, that you MAY have misunderstood the intent of where I was going. Which, ironically, further emphasizes my point that the problem with communication is that it has to involve people. If I am reading your comment correctly, I THINK (I used all caps b/c I can't italicize in comments) that you think that there is something inherently wrong with people trying to communicate. Or that I don't communicate with people. This is, in fact, more than a little hilarious. As many people can tell you. I do listen. I admit I probably talk more than I listen, but there is definitely listening that goes on. So, I am a communicator. I think that communication and its various nuances is completely fascinating. When you said that you find sales opportunities where others don't because you listen, I believe in this wholeheartedly.

I was more than a little offended by your comment that with "watching that many soaps you doubt if I do any." Please, please, please -- if you are going to extoll the virtues of your listening skills, take that a step further and read more of someone's blog before making an off the cuff comment like that. Seriously. I not only work, I also go to school part time. And my job is in a call center, so all I do is communicate with people all day. (Quite well, and not just according to me. I have silly stars and stuff.) So, when I not only work a job but also try to better my education and you assume that because I watch a lot of "soaps" that I couldn't possibly work or spend time with my husband. Who, by the way, is the main reason that I am so addicted to all this reality tv stuff. That's one of the things we do together is watch all this crack tv. It's guilty pleasure, that's all.

I'm a bit sorry for ranting, because I should know that the nature of the blog is that there are always going to be people who comment on your thoughts judgmentally as if they know you and what you are about because they have been "inside Heather's head." But, that is just the title of the blog, not the reality.

You have a good day too.; 11:27 PM
Fractious Tart said...: No offence meant Heather.
OK so I was a bit quick about the time spent watching the crack tv stuff precluded you from having a job.
Guilty as adjudged.
Actually, you make some refreshing remarks and provide a rare insight into the intricacies of effective communication. You know, the only way to effectively communicate is by face to face contact. This way all the nuances of facial gestures and other body movements can emphasise the true meaning of what is actually being said.
All too often the written word means something entirely different to the truly intended meaning. As you said, your reply doesn't have the opportunity to write in italics. Makes a big difference doesn't it.
I took a short course once (actually it was a hell of a long course that I terminated after 6 weeks) trying to learn Cantonese. This was because my husband who was in the army at the time was being posted to Hong Kong and I thought it would be nice to actually speak a little of the local language.
The first thing I learnt was that nearly every word could be emphasised in up to 6 different ways, each having a completetely different meaning. I do occasionally still get the odd free Chinese meal from local restaurants when I greet them in their native tongue but I found the problem was that in a lot of cases, by using the wrong emphasis or inflection, I was saying something insulting rather than offering a greeting etc.
As for the tv, I learned my lesson well here.
My husband hates all the reality TV shows, soaps and similar stuff that I used to live for. I watched them without any thought for my husband which resulted in him feeling totally neglected, left out and basically ignored. I used to shush him if he tried to talk while a show was on.
In the end he felt so neglected and basically unloved that he sought an innocent relationship on the internet to open new channels of interest and very nearly ran away to Dallas with a younger woman. I wouldn't have twigged on but I found his passpoert had been stowed away with a load of other personal stuff.
Looking back, I can honestly say that I can empathise with his thoughts at that time, even though our marriage was nearly destroyed by it. Happily he is now fully involved with the business and I have learnt a valuable lesson.
It's all too easy to take your own personal life for granted and put little into it, even though you may be as attentive as a rottweiler in a sausage factory with everyone else.
Oh, no offence meant here either but I must tell you this one.
My son's girlfriend also works in a call centre. On first announcing her to us he said he was going out with a call girl. I nearly blew a fuse at this. He has such a perverse sense of humour. She was a High Street Honey in the autumn edition of FHM magazine.
Anyway, work beckons.
Keep blogging, it's great to find intelligent life on the internet.
Regards
June; 8:20 AM
Anonymous said...: giggle....giggle....snort.

;)

-incog neato; 1:50 PM

Friday, January 21, 2005

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