Saturday, June 30, 2007

Nothing is easier than self-deceit. For what each man wishes, that he also believes to be true.
Demosthenes, Third OlynthiacGreek orator & politician in Athens (384 BC - 322 BC)

I cam across this quote unexpectedly, but this also resounds with my post the other day -- about wisdom not being communicable.

I have always professed my own self-awareness, and Scott has long teased me for it. After all, if I am so aware of my flaws -- why do I not do anything about it? I attribute it to laziness, another of my flaws.

But, really -- the sheer knowledge of one's own strengths and weaknesses can be so overwhelming that overcoming the inertia to move to the next level can take a lifetime.

Case study -- we have recently started hanging out with our neighbors across the court, after living here for close to a year. Scott had talked to the husband off and on, because he was known to be handy. He loaned us a wheelbarrow to help haul the never-ending pile of dirt (anyone need any topsoil for small projects?), which we kept for like 5 months. Crazy. He gave Scott pointers on a few odd jobs here and there. But, we never saw her ever. We knew she existed, because our other neighbors had told us stories about how she called the pound on their animals a couple of times. Then, suddenly a few weeks ago, a random Friday night we're invited over and proceeded to drink ourselves into oblivion and laughing and carrying on with them.

We've made New Years plans and shared stories and apparently they're going to help us raise our kids. Woo-hoo -- we can cross THAT one off the list.

So, it's good times -- but, mostly what they do is sit around and drink and bs. Which is good, but then we lose time. Big chunks of this must be why my head hurts so much today time. So, while we have enjoyed hanging out with them, I haven't been overly solicitious because I'm a little afraid of how much weight I might put back on to pay for my drinking sins.

But, back to self-deception... So, the wife comes over the other night under the guise of something and we find ourselves inviting her out to dinner and then find ourselves inviting her back in to hang out some more and watch tv and whatever. And then when it's time for us to go to bed, Scott and I realize that we feel like we didn't get to see each other. Because the wife is needy. Really needy. And doesn't like silence. And the crazy thing is that it is really obvious that she has no idea that she is this needy. I think the idea would probably piss her off, frankly. Because she puts on her tough guy act and even when she admits to moments of neediness, it's like it's something abnormal.

And yet, despite this complaint about her -- I do actually like her. I can't imagine taking a car trip with her or hanging out with her daily, but I really do like her. Maybe because her neediness reminds me of my own.

And that's where the self-awareness loop comes back around -- I know that I am needy and I don't like to be alone. I'm very aware of this aspect of my personality and really try to be cognizant of that so I don't overwhelm folks with it... It's just interesting to me people who don't seem to have this connection to their flaws. Because that's what makes us human, I think.

Saturday, June 23, 2007

Quote of the Day

I know that you believe that you understood what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant. - Robert McCloskey

I really like this...

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

One thing I forgot to mention about J & E's visit is the phrase that changed my life. I was just blown away. She says that I say it all the time in so many words, but I just never really phrased it this succinctly. And that is, wisdom is not communicable.

I just don't have this kind of way with words. It takes me a long time to say this same thing. And it's true -- this theme resonate throughout my blog, but it just never would have dawned on me to summarize it like that. And because it hadn't been summarized, I never really thought about the gist of this statement.

It's depressingly true.

One of my long-time favorite blogs,, also frequently resonate this theme. Though she really really does try to transpose her wisdom in bare bones, no crap language. But, still, I can't help but wonder if the people reading her advice just blow her off and think she just doesn't understand them.

I think it happens a lot. Maybe less when people are actually asking for the advice, but still...

One of my biggest flaws (and I have SO many) is that I used to really try to help people see how they and their behavior was seen from an outside perspective. I am really trying to work on this because I have come to the epiphany that people really do prefer to remain blind to their own short-comings. They don't need me to tell them how they really are, especially since it's only from my perspective and not from EVERYONE on the planet and who am I?

Plus, I know I wouldn't like it if people broke it down to me the way I break it down to them. I still try to talk straight most of the time, but I try to focus that on me and my experiences and not involving perceptions of other people. And I someone asks me what I think, well -- I'm going to tell them. This presented countless issues with the class of Julia and I's fashion senses this weekend and I really had some idea of how my mother must feel when she's shopping with me.


Anyways, it's a flaw correction in progress. And unlike most of my other flaws, I really am trying to work on it and just shut up and let people see themselves the way they want. I think we all want to have people in our lives who appreciate us the way that we are -- or at least let us continue in our fantasy versions of ourselves.

So remember, unlike TB -- wisdom is not communicable.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007


I was trolling around folks' blogs and came across this term. Since I am the most arrogant/self-loathing person I know, this appeals to my arrogance.

"This" is meme -- I'm not good at definitions, but you know those emails that you get where you have to say what time it is and what's your favorite food and all that crap? Those are apparently versions of meme's. (Not sure if this is pronounced meem or mem or me-me, but I like the me-me.)

Anyways, the blogs I fell through were of more creative women -- like women who make couches while procrastinating on cleaning their houses instead of watching the crap that's stored up on TiVo -- and one of them had a meme to list 6 weird things about you... So, I thought it was fun...

1. I like to pluck stray hairs and they don't have to be mine. I see something growing where it's not supposed to be growing and I'm going for it. God invented Tweezerman for a reason.

2. In that vein, I enjoy unclogging drains manually. There's just something really satisfying about pulling big clumps of hair out of a drain and knowing it's going to do its job again.

3. I still sleep with a teddy bear. It started out as a comfort thing, but now it's just a body position thing. If I don't have my arms in a certain way, then I just can't sleep.

4. I have found this isn't that strange, but sometimes I really like the way bad things smell. Like skunks and gasoline and swamps.

5. Sometimes Scott and I will fight about my lack of housecleaning skills, but the thing he doesn't realize is that all he needs to do is really get my dander up and I will go into a cleaning frenzy. I have no idea what this is about. "I'll show him, give him a clean kitchen and pet-hair free carpets!"

6. Secretly, (not anymore) I really like a lot of country stuff. Especially primitive looking things, not the ducks and Holly Hobbies and what the fuck ever. But since Scott really hates it and most people my age tend to mock it, I just suppress it. It's one of the reasons that my house doesn't really have a put together themey look to it though -- I just want metal stars and grapevine shit. And I've never felt more ashamed. :)
Pass the catch-up, bitches...

Two weekends ago I was supposed to have my cousin and her husband in to visit. I was really looking forward to her visit as they are moving to San Francisco shortly and that's basically another country. (Yes, I know it's not actually another country but you can't go there for a weekend trip.) She's a vegetarian (or was) and there were jokes about me buying tofurkeys and whatnot.

But, they got hit by one of the worst travel days ever -- or at least that is how our local paper referred to it the next day. They were stuck on the runway at their local airport for several hours and they were not allowed off the plane -- they had to fly to their next hub. When they were flown to their next hub, delay after delay led them to having to be returned to their hometown because the only flight they could get in would arrive at 3pm the next day! For a weekend visit! Apparently there were major computer issues that were further exacerbated by lightning storms.

And then their luggage got lost to boot.

No visit from cousin and just a tragically expensive non-visit for them. HUGE bummer!

Last weekend, Julia and her boyfriend Emanuele (Ay-man-well-ay, for you non-Italians out there) came to visit. I can't really bitch about what freaks they because they're some of my only readers...

HA! Kidding. It was all good. Julia and I had a girly day, Scott and Emanuele had a boy-y day and then we headed to Julia's 15 year high school reunion. I graduated a year ahead of her, but still didn't really know anyone there. Several folks thought I looked vaguely familiar and I thought they looked vaguely familiar and then I had enough wine and everyone looked vague and then we came home.

A good time was had by some. :)

I'll try to put up some photos soon but I haven't had my regular computer for a while and it's still moving kind of weird so I'm not promising anything.

In other news, I will be starting a brand new schedule at work at the end of July -- 7:30 am to 4:00 pm. Woo freaking hoo!!! I'm not too excited about the 7:30 part (have you met me?), but I have longed to be off earlier as I watch the contented (read: tenured) folks file past every day while the sun is still up... So, I'm going to suck it up.

It is absolutely AMAZING all the things I think I will be able to accomplish in that extra 1.5 hours I'm going to be home. I'm going to do all the laundry and have a clean house and watch Oprah and walk the dog and shit, I may even write the great American novel if I'm going to be ambitious about it! It's as though it hasn't occurred to me, yet, that I'm supposed to be going to be an hour and a half earlier if I'm going in that much earlier.

And still in all those fantasies it never occurred to me that I could start cooking dinner for my husband and me....

I just blew my own friggin' mind with that one -- so, that's all for the catch up.

Friday, June 08, 2007

You know, it's the dumbest thing. I don't know why I let some anonymous mean person get under my skin. It's not like it's the first time I have ever been the victim of an anonymous mean person -- I did work in collections. But I guess I just don't understand the point of visiting someone's blog and then saying something nasty.

Like, it's not like this is a GOOD blog -- so why bother?

But regardless, really I want to know why does it bother me?

I deleted the comment in the haze of a really bad hangover, but basically the gist was that I was a drama whore, my life must be really dull and by the way my frequent references to "let your fingers get all pruney in it" is stolen from a movie -- how original.

Okay, I honestly did not know that I stole this line. So, does that count? I don't remember seeing the movie that had the line in it, but it doesn't matter because I would give the movie credit if I had known that I had lifted it. I just always like the idea of metaphorically soaking in something until the point your fingers get pruney.

And I don't know why I get so upset about the drama whore implications. I mean, the point of the comment was sarcasm. I know that I'm dramatic and I know that I'm into other people's drama. I recognize this is a problem. And the thing is that if my life weren't a little dull, then I would have my own drama to deal with and let me just tell you that as fascinated as I am with it -- I am completely miserable when I have any real shit to deal with.

And I have had real shit to deal with, random rogue commenter.

I also think that a lot of life is about the drama. Some of it is actually real -- but there would not be entire industries devoted to what the fuck Paris Hilton is doing if there weren't many people interested in inane drama.

But I don't know why I let some random rude cow get to me.

Monday, June 04, 2007

It's nice having the ability to delete comments, you rude cow.

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