Why I shouldn't drink wine, start my period and watch Oprah... or maybe, why I should....


Warning: This is going to be long and rambly. More so than usual.

I started my period today and I've been sleep deprived, so it's been edgier than it normally would. I decided to come home and drink some wine and watch an Oprah that's been on the tivo for a while. It's the one about the families on the debt diet. Something that I know I should do, but Lord how many diets can one person go on??

This week there was a psychologist getting behind the psychological reasons that these families got themselves into so much trouble. The second family really hit home with me. The mom spoils the daughters and gives them everything they want. The psychologist Dr. Laura Smith says that this is actually abusive because by not setting boundaries for our children, then we are laying the groundwork for consequences that are putting our lives at risk. Not our physical lives, necessarily, but our future because we are facing a future of debt. Oprah says the mom is living unconciously because she doesn't realize that she is walking through life and not really thinking about the consequences of her actions.

The woman says that she just wants to do right by her kids and give them everything. Dr. Laura and Oprah try to get her to see that there are consequences to these actions, but the woman has a hard time seeing it because her parents did it for her. And what she's going through now, they say to her, IS the consequences. Dr. Laura says we do not need to raise any more young girls who are looking for jeans and clothes and men to fill their spiritual void.

And bam -- epiphany.

Everyone knows I was married before to a man I met when I was 18 who was emotionally (and sometimes otherwise) abusive to me. When I left home and then the state to be with this man, no one understood why. I was a good girl and a had the whole world in front of me and I threw it all away. Frankly, I never really understood why I did what I did. But, now I think about how spoiled I was when I was growing up. Just about anything that I wanted, I got. I had some boundaries, but not when it came to getting stuff. Because when my parents, especially my mother, were growing up their parents were poor and couldn't really give them much and they didn't want me to grow up like that. They wanted to give me what they didn't have. But as a result, I didn't know that there were consequences to them giving me whatever I wanted. By the time I realized it, it was too late. They had filed for bankruptcy and I was long on the road to being involved in this bad relationship.

I am not blaming my parents for what happened. It was their intention to give me good life and not make me "want" for anything. But, the fact is that as a result of that, I was constantly looking for something to fill that void. And as soon as I thought I found it, I jumped in head first. And when that relationship was lacking, I was so completely lacking in self-worth that I didn't think I deserved to be out of it. The consequences.

It's interesting to think that by giving our kids everything they want, that really we are creating them to only want more and never be satisfied. Never be full.

Yes, I know I don't have kids and maybe it's not right for me to preach about that. But, I do know that I have had an eye-opening experience and if I ever do have kids, I hope I keep this knowledge...

It's a funny thing about watching the Oprah and drinking the wine and all that. It always gets me thinking and wrapped up in my evolution as a person. One of the downsides of the evolution is that while I can still talk funny, I have a hard time writing funny anymore. I'm back to the days when writing was a haven for me and made me more reflective and made me really think about things that have happened and how they affect me and the people around me. It's a shame that this writing has become public, but that was my choice.

Oprah fucks with my head, but definitely in a good way.

Anyways, I though this would be longer but my current spiritual crisis is involving laundry and that's gotta be done. If I didn't have to do laundry, I could rule the world.