Si-moan Graduates


This week I graduated from my strippercize class.

Over the course of 5 classes, I learned how to do a lap dance for my boy. (Or, technically, to anyone's boy I suppose, but not sure how Scott would feel abou that.) The last two classes are strictly devoted to learning a routine to a song (Darling Nikki).

Last week, I tried to practice one night when I had some alone time but shortly into my practice session the doorbell rang and it scared the crap out of me so bad that I couldn't practice anymore. I felt like a kid getting caught masturbating... Which, may have been because I think I was at that part of the routine, but whatever.

So, we continue to perfect the routine on Thursday night and I even got my own demonstration from the instructor. Wow. I was supposed to be paying attention and learning the moves, but when the moves were actually up on me it was pretty hard. That night, we were admonished to practice like 20 times before we actually showed off.

Needless to say, the whole waiting to do things has never really been a strong suit for me.

I came home and Scott was fully expecting to get the show that night. Even sent his friend home before I got there, and that was huge. I was kind of tired and sore, but one look at him and I knew that it was destined to be game on. So, I got showered and cleaned up and put on my costume for the show.

Meanwhile, he's looking for scarved to put over the lamp downstairs and trying to get the mood all right. I come down and start the show as the song starts to play.

Of course, I messed up a few parts, but since he didn't know the choreographing behind it had no idea and really seemed not to care. And then, midway through I -- in TRUE Heather fashion -- managed to pull my calf muscle. And this was right before a part where I had to put my legs up in his lap and grind in the air. (You think reading it sounds incredible, try actually doing it. Then trying doing it without laughing or screaming in pain.) Anyways, I made it through without messing it up too much and my money shot was... Well, it was on the money!

[Definition of "money shot" to the uninitiated: In stripper-ese, the money shot involves getting down on your knees and putting your ass straight up into the air while the front half of your body is almost flat on the floor. When done correctly it is grossly obscene and quite painful. If you have an occasion to be in a strip club and you see a stripper performing this, please pay her well -- it ain't easy being that sleazy.]

All in all, it was quite worth it. As much money as that class was, I now have something in my bag of tricks that I can pull out and perform whenever things need to be stirred up.

My fellow dancers will be signing up again for Round 2, but I'm not sure I have it in me. I couldn't walk straight the next day and was definitely hurting all over.

And that wasn't even from the dance routine... ;-)