Theory of Engagement

Inspired by the tale of a recently engaged friend and a conversation said engagement sparked between my husband and me. This story is intended in a light-hearted manner and yes, everyone knows that as a free-thinking, independent woman of course you are not thinking about or waiting to get married to anyone ever. Not on purpose. But, just in case, you happen to a woman who is inclined to want to get married...

When friends get engaged, it generally will cause Scott and I to talk about our own engagement and some of the circumstances around it. Depending on the nature of the friend's situation, the aspects of this conversation are varied. But, generally at some point the topic will waiver to the state of shock he was in, and just how crazy I was. For my part, I couldn't figure out why he asked me to marry him if he didn't understand what exactly that meant. I mean, you're asking the question? This is a signal that you want to spend the rest of your life with me.

Finally.

And that is what I"m talking about. I already knew I wanted to spend my life with you! I have spent plenty of time sitting next to you or near you watching tv and just hanging out. I have seen you at your best smelled you at your worst (in places even I am too polite to mention) and I have figured out that, yeah, you are the person I'm going to be able to handle sitting next to or near watching tv and just hanging out for the next 25-50 years. I agree with you here, Scott, we're doing life.

So, since I already knew this, I was basically just waiting for you to figure it out too. I can see the pros and cons, and the fact is that there aren't a lot of people too willing to put up with either one of our asses (just take a look at our track record). And, the best part is, that we ARE willing to put up with each other's asses and have proven it. These are really the two most valuable key aspects in picking out a mate, in my not-so-humble opinion.

Meanwhile, in your side of the world, you are slowly starting to think that it's not that bad having me around. Sometimes you get your feet rubbed, sometimes you get other things rubbed, and while I do nag you a bit, you don't completely mind because this just gives you something to give me shit about and tease me. This is your favorite thing. You're thinking I'm the kind of person you could sit next to or near watching tv and just generally hanging out for the next 25-50 years. You use the question as a declaration of staking your claim as the sole possessor of the boo-tay! Let there be celebration and joy and quietness for days and months on end while you praise me for this decision! The decision is made, I have decreed it thus, now I want to go to sleep.

(This is much how you feel after you give him a really good show in bed and then he falls asleep right at your curtain call. If you do not understand this reference, then you are a lucky woman.)

This is what I realized after talking to Scott -- asking the question to them is the end. They have hit the climax in the show. What else is there? We get married -- ta da!

And meanwhile, the woman is standing there like, "Oooo-kay, welcome to the party so glad you could join us even if it is late." I mean, honestly -- once you are with someone for a certain period of time, don't you just know? I can't believe I am alone in this. Well... I guess the thing is that it goes back to the age old difference between boys and girls: we mature faster. We're ready sooner than they are to make the big leap.

And honestly, I'm not just talking about marriage. There's a lot to be said in even picking someone and committing to them that they are the one. I think the reason that I like marriage so much is that it just dresses up that commitment. Puts it in a prettier package.

But, I digress. It was just so funny to hear that men think that asking the question is the end (in a way) rather than just the mere beginning. I just get this funny picture in my head of Scott asking the question and then running down the mountain like the frickin' Sound of Music chick singing, "The hills are alive with the sound of music..." The weight of getting the asking done rising off his shoulders like little cartoon blue birds... I've asked and now she will be quiet about wanting to ask... Fa laaaa!

Ooookay.