Shopaholic

I am seriously getting worried about my shopping. My husband gave me shit about it the other day. Didn't go all Ricky Ricardo on me or anything, but still. He rarely has given me a hard time about my spending habits.

I'm worried that there's a 12-step program in my future.

I managed to restrain myself at the bookstore tonight and only bought things for my mom for mother's day. But, even that was very hard. I mean, it's the bookstore for God's sake. I can only be so strong.

My most recent go-nuts episodes have been brought to you by the change of season and my increased amount of cellulite. Any sane person would see this as a sign to hit the gym so they could squeeze back into their summer clothes. I heard it as a call to shop.

And I did -- HARD.

I wanted to stop, I kept thinking I should stop, but there was always one more little thing I HAD to have. And then the earrings to go with that.

Not good.

And now I'm getting ready to get unleashed in New York City?! I mean, are you freaking kidding me? You don't put alcoholics in New Orleans, you don't drop off overeaters in Hershey PA, and you sure as crap don't drop off shopaholics in NEW YORK CITY.

I'm scared, actually. Every time I get to the part of the bank website where the credit card balance is, I avert my eyes. I can't face what I have done.

It's not that I don't need clothes, because I really don't have that much since I have put on so much weight. But, I feel so guilty rewarding the cellulite for sticking around by buying it cute stuff to wear. I should be wearing muumuus and punishing my thighs for being bad.

Not to mention melting all of my credit cards.

But, I just hear the stuff calling me from the stores and it's so nice to have new things and I've always been pretty bad about overindulging as the season's change. Last winter I was pretty good, actually. I think I only bought a couple of sweaters and some jeans.

I just feel so dirty. Every time I check out of somewhere, I want to burn the receipts. My last purchase came with a survey of my shopping experience, for which I will receive 10% off of my NEXT purchase.

I do not need ANOTHER purchase, no matter what the discount is. How is that helping things??

All right. I am going to peep at my credit card balance and then hope I can sleep afterwards...

If you know any good 12-step programs, or maybe there is a book I could buy...