Friend Dating

What I should be writing about was our fascinating camping experience. But, you can only tell a leaking air mattress story so many times without getting tired of telling it...

But, as part of our fascinating camping experience, we went to a Sertoma event at the Holiday Travel Park campground. They should call it Drunkapalooza, but inexplicably they do not. If I were in charge of the naming, that would definitely be a contender! It was an all-day, all-you-can-eat, all-you-can-drink affair. That's right -- all you can DRINK. Good stuff, too -- thank you very much.

So, during the fest I drunkenly befriended a cool chick and we exchanged phone numbers. And here is where my blog theme comes in... Friend dating.

Now that I am a "grown up", opportunities to meet new friends and bond with them do not come up as often as when I was younger and in school. When I meet someone that I like and want to hang out with, I tend to pursue that friendship vigorously. There's not a lot of people that even pass the initial Heather test, so when someone does I really want to try to keep hanging out with them.

But, just like dating you don't want to be too intense, you don't want to chase too hard. I don't want to seem "too eager." So, I called and we chatted briefly and that was about it. I'll probably call again, but don't want to cross that line.

And then what to do if it doesn't work out? Recently, had a situation with another friend where basically stopped hearing from her. Asked if there was a problem and no response until 2 weeks later when she said that she had been busy and then it had been so long that she didn't want to call because she figured I would be mad at her for not showing up at something, blah blah blah. I'm sorry, but that's just lame. It's the friend equivalent of she's "just not that into me." If you want to be friends, then you make time to call, you make time to send a one-liner email that you've been busy, blah blah blah. So, I copped the most popular phrase of the last year and declared that she was "just not that in to me."

These two situations juxtaposed really have made me feel again that meeting new friends is like dating. I feel silly saying it, but it's true -- you have to date people to get to know them and what they're about to see if you want to hang out with them and invite them into your home and your social circle. And there are those times where I am frankly just not that into someone and maybe they are that into me and then what to do?

Why do I feel like friendship is all or nothing??

Well, I know why, actually. So do you if you've been reading all along... I can't figure out how to track back but I do all kinds of posts about how great my friends are. Look, y'all -- I can only throw roses at your feet but so much!

Anyways... Becoming friends with someone is truly like dating. You have all the get to know you crap and then it's time to decide if you're going to show them your dustbunnies and your bongs or what. And, just like dating, when you have that bad experience with the friend who is just not that in to you, it's hard to get back in the saddle and start cultivating new friendships. Because who has time for all that work??

So lastly -- friend who is just not that into me, if you are out there and you're still reading this blog (but, if you're not that into me, why would you be reading this blog??) -- I know that it seems as if I am harping on this point, on this phrase, but it is really just because I am feeling clever for comparing it to our situation. I know that I have always been the "tough love" giver in our friendship, and shit who wants to listen to that crap? Honestly, my tough love has always been about not wanting to see people that I care about get hurt or manipulated or used or abused in any ways -- especially if there is anything in my power that I can do to stop it. I know that I come across as a bully, but I hope that you never felt like you couldn't talk to me because of that. Some people charge for that kind of shit, swear!

New friends, old friends, it's a long trip we're on. Can't wait to see who I meet along the way and where it's all going. Grab yourself a Full Heather Jacket and join the club.

(Hmm, guess whose Benadryl has kicked in?)