Smug Marrieds

A dear friend recently wrote the following to me in response to something I had written about in my blog...

I hate the unwritten rule that newlyweds are never allowed to talk about stuff like that --their lives are now supposed to be perfect because guess what you won the lottery--you're married! You and Scott give me hope for the smug marrieds.

So, because we are not spouting sunshine from our asses, THIS is giving hope to the singletons?

As a result, I have been mulling over this single vs. married thing. Here's what I've churned out so far...

It WOULD seem as though once you get married, you are in fact supposed to start having sunshine coming out of your ass. So far, however, haven't set any toilet paper rolls on fire -- so I think it's safe to debunk that particular myth. Now, I am NOT going to sit here and try to tell you that married life is SO much harder and "you crazy single kids should just live it up and enjoy it while you can." That's just crap. The truth is that life just wasn't supposed to be either way, but society just likes us paired off and so it gears everything in that general direction.

Here's the thing they don't really come out and tell you in the handbook though -- society wants us married off, but really just because that's the "acceptable" way to reproduce. Why is reproducing SO important to society? Because if there's more of us, then there's more of us buying things and the species gets to go on forever and while they're doing it they're going to be buying LOTS of stuff.

Wait, this isn't my consumerism rant. Sorry. I have to clean out my attic, so I often get a little "more stuff = the devil" when that happens.

Where was I? Ah, yes -- smug marrieds. But, backing up -- singletons. I think the only division greater than the Republicans and the Democrats is that between the Smug Marrieds and the Singletons. Smug Marrieds are those couples who are always keeping up the guise that being married is just grrreat and there isn't anything better and aren't we just so friggin' happy all the time?? The fact is that I happen to be married, but I am not overtly smug about it. My reason is that while I believe very strongly in marriage, I really don't think it's for the weak-hearted. Don't get me wrong -- not spending holidays alone and not having to tease my hair on Saturday nights and always having someone to kiss on New Year's Eve and whatever else movies are selling these days -- these are all good benefits. So, while I am not alone, I am also NOT alone.

Being married is like having another job. (This is why I'm so amazed at parents -- that is having 3 jobs if you work outside of the home. How DO you do it??) There is now another person whose needs and concerns and feelings are now a part of your decision making process. Your life becomes we-speak, which is why married people are seen as smug. But, really -- you have to consider the other person because they really are now part of who you are. A line in one of my favorite getting married books was "a sock on the floor isn't just a sock on the floor anymore -- it's a sock on the floor for the rest of your life." And that's so true. And there's the constant balancing of where the lines are drawn and what you let go and what you don't and trying not to point out what you've let go and what you haven't.

Frankly, I could go on and on. But, I also know that when you don't have that other person in your life and that that is something that you truly long for and desire -- that all of this may sound like woe is me, smug married whining. And maybe it is. But, truly -- it's just different. It's very rewarding in many ways, but I truly believe that is because the person with whom I have chosen to share my life with complements me in so many ways. Most of you know, I was married before. Been there, done that -- so to cliche. So, I didn't have a burning desire to be married -- but I wanted to be married to Scott. Maybe that's what makes me smug, maybe that's what keeps it real. Maybe that's just too much "secret couple talk" to be airing out here. But, fuck it -- let's get the elephants out!

Questions?