I have often wondered how it is that every man loves himself more than all the rest of men, but yet sets less value on his own opinion of himself than on the opinion of others. -Marcus Aurelius, philosopher (121-180)


This was one of my quotes of the day in a word of the day email I get daily. (If you're interested, you can sign up here.

It came to me the morning after a "fat day." Which I'm going to share with you now.

Scott and I have recently joined the YMCA because we are trying to get back in shape. This is an uphill battle for anyone, but for us it's very daunting. We have a long ways to go and we're very much aware of it. It is a struggle to get motivated to go, much less keep going and going. But, we try.

The other night I was over at my mom's house for a visit. I had to cut my visit short because I had an appointment with a personal trainer. (It's the Y, so it's not QUITE as glamorous as it may sound.) She gave me a mini-lecture on how it wasn't enough to go work out, you have to diet too. I mean, duh. Does she think I don't have access to the news? But honestly, can't there even be a minute of "I'm proud of you for trying to get off your butt and do something."

Nope.

Then, my appointment with the personal trainer turns into a mini-lecture about how I shouldn't make jokes about my weight, it's detrimental to my plan (damn, there goes my stand-up routine) AND did I know that I had to do more than just work out? I had to diet too??

Sigh.

Let me share with my faithful readers that yes, I am aware that I have to diet. Thank you for the news flash. But, I also know that not dieting AND not exercising has just GOT to be worse than exercising and not dieting. I mean, baby steps, right?

Then, I come home and watche Kirstie Alley's show Fat Actress. The show is a reality show like Larry David's show -- not quite reality, but based on it. Here's the thing -- the show was pretty funny, but the scary thing is that it plays on the fears that all overweight people have and that is that people are really dogging you out as much as you think they are. As much as you may be dogging yourself out. All that talk about how important it is to love yourself and respect yourself goes out the window when you see dozens of people calling her a blimp and a whale and enormous and huge AND adding to the stereotype that black men love fat white girls. Wow. It was depressing. Unless you've been there, unless you've lived with those insecurities that just when you thought you were at your hottest was when everyone in the room was in fact making fun of you for thinking you were so hot -- you will not know what I am talking about. And frankly, that makes me glad for you.

And also a little jealous.

Then the quote. Then the reminder that I shouldn't let other people's opinions of me matter, since in all other matters I seem to hold my own opinion SO highly. (Just ask anyone who's had my advice barked at them!)

So, I guess I'm going to keep on keeping on and hope that I get picked for one of those extreme makeover shows soon.

Damn, already didn't stop making fun of myself...