Just caught the tale end of one of my favorite episodes of Sex and the City. The one where Berger broke up with Carrie on a post it note. This was so mind-boggling unacceptable and yet so the reality of what really happens that I had to pull out my raving feminist soapbox from my closet and get back on it and rant for bit...

this rant is actually brought to you by real-life circumstances...

(I was going to use actual names but Scott threw out the chilling reminder, "just use your discretion." Ugh. We all know what that means... Yup, use his discretion.)

A situation came about wherein a female friend was put together with a male friend. No harm, no foul. The female friend was looking for some arm candy to go to an event, the male friend was happy to oblige. Heavy flirting led to another date where the inevitable outcome of booze and more heavy flirting occurred. A good time was had by all. And then the male friend didn't call.

Did not call.

This is where my dusty soapbox starts to rock and sway a bit. Because I'm ranting and foaming -- at men but really at the whole ugly situation to begin with. If there have been a couple of dates between adults of a certain age and there has been some booty that goes along with it, there are expectations that start to develop. It feels like the beginning of something that could be the beginning of something. There is the feeling in the back of a woman's head of a little relief. :::Phew::: I may not have to go out there any more, this guy seems really cool. When there is no call and no clear understanding that this feeling was not mutual... It's a problem.

Frankly, I've been on both ends of this. I think we all have screened calls because we just didn't want to say that we weren't as interested as the other person seemed to be. I've done my fair share of screening in my time and it's the most shameful thing in the world. But can you imagine actually being cruel-to-be-kind enough to actually say, "I'm just not that in to you?" Unless you're part of the 1% of the population who has ever done this, then I'm guessing you can't. Most of us have blamed ourselves and said we weren't ready to be in a relationship or we had to unexectedly move to Lithuania or whatever, if we even gave the person a reason at all. But, I've also been screened. I know what it's like to call. Or not to call but to just not really understand what happened that the relationship ended since you were never told. I mean, closure is EVERYTHING, but I think especially to women. (Well, duh -- of course I think that!)

I would like to start a national courage movement. If you're not that into someone but you were into them enough to have sex with them, call them. Tell them the truth. Yeah, it is hard to be the bastard/bitch who delivers that message -- but realistically, you had sex with this person. They had reasonable expectation that something could lead from that. [important note: I am NOT referring to one night stands. If you met someone and had sex with them on the exact same night then as much fun as that can be, you have NO reasonable expectation that anything else will ever occur. Seriously. That's just stalking.] If you knew the person that you had sex with AT ALL before the night the sex occurred, then you owe them an explanation as to why you no longer want to see them again. It is a hard hard thing. I know how hard it is because I didn't meet the challenge.

But that was before the National Courage Movement. These are different times. Bolder times, stronger times. We have to face our fears and just dump like grown-up responsible people. In the long run it will make for much easier, simpler times. You don't have to carry the guilt of knowing that you disappointed a fellow human without giving them a reason why, your fellow human will finally understand why you stopped calling. This is a win-win!! And we know how much everyone likes win-win's!

This story has another twist, actually. The twist is that if you want to be in a relationship, perhaps you should put off a different vibe around the person you want to be in the relationship with. If you treat your potential suitor with the same strong hand that you treat everyone else, then it's going to be much harder to get them to take to the whip.

Trust me on this one. ;-)