BRIDEZILLA FOREVER!

You know, I have thrown that phrase around a time or two in my day but I gotta tell you -- I'm starting to gain a lot of sympathy for these creatures.

I would have to say that to date planning a wedding has been one of the most stressful experiences of my life.

And I have been divorced, changed jobs, and moved -- once all within a month. AND had major surgery on a grapefruit sized tumor. And none of that compares to this stress level.

In case you didn't know, I am normally a fairly confident, self-assured, assertive person. I don't have problems making decisions at all. I once whimsically decided it might be nice to have a new car and 48 hours later I was driving one. When I decided I wanted to move back to Virginia, I divested myself of most of my worldly possessions (as well as all of my ex's left overs), packed what was left, arranged for movers and drove cross-country in a car held together by a couple of bolts and a dream within 30 days.

What I am saying is that I never thought that I would be the kind of person who would stare at invitations for hours and agonize over the color and type of font. And yet, I have. The simplest decisions seems to weigh three-fold. They don't seem so simple anymore. Because you know that at least half of the people you invite are ultimately judging you by your invitation. Judging you by your invitation!

I know this, because I have done it. Good Lord, she didn't even send a response card? And there aren't even directios to the reception site, for pity's sake.

And then there's all of the other decisions. Who to invite, who not to invite. What to say to the people who aren't invited should they ask. How to make the most diverse group of people you have ever assembled universally happy.

After all, as the saying goes -- the only place unlike social types can really get along is in Heaven. And half the people coming, including myself, only have a 50/50 chance of ever even being able to verify if that is even true or not!

And I'm the kind of person who likes other people to be happy. And comfortable and at ease. Apparently, at the sacrifice of my own comfort and ease. Why do I need to be happy?? It's not like this has anything to do with me!

It's crazy. I know why I want the wedding, both the good reasons and the really awful ones, but I think if I had known I was going to get THIS stressed out about it -- I might have been more willing to discuss eloping.

Because the other thing they don't tell you is that while you are going completely out of your mind planning the event of the year, you start to have really negative feelings towards the person who is the reason you are planning all of this.

And he towards you because all you ever seem to be able to talk about is this damned wedding.

And believe me, I make a conscious effort to talk about other things or even not to talk when we are together, but the gears are always in motion, anticipating the next major hurdle and that makes it hard to keep that promise. But, I do try and he's trying to pretend like it matters.

But we both just want it to be over with and hope that we still want to be married after the event.

People tell me that we will.

Perhaps the answer is separate honeymoons, ha ha.

But, the Bridezilla thing? It's cruel even if it is true. The next time you are tempted to use this moniker, I want you to think about what it would be like to plan a party for 150 people who wouldn't ever normally be even in the same STATE at the same time, much less in the same room -- while working full-time, going to school part-time and dealing with a major management shift at your job.

Yeah. That's what it's like.

Anyways. I have homework I should be doing and television that I WILL be watching! Later!

HP