Wednesday, February 01, 2017

Deactivation Day 1

There is a specific reason I chose February 1 as the deactivation day.  Actually, there are several.

When my mother was in end stages, February 1 was the day she officially decided to start taking small amounts of morphine to ease her pain and help her die.  It was the beginning of the end.  But, it was also the beginning of the phase of my life that most of us eventually must enter.  The one where we are the ones left without someone standing between us and death.  We have no parents anymore.  We are the end of the road.
      Yes, I know.  That sounds like a doomsday reason for a date selection.  It's not the only one.  Like I could ever just have ONE reason to do anything.  But, it is a date of some significance to me for that reason.
     February 1 (today) is also the first of a mini-break that is completely Heather-centric.  I am writing this from a hotel room in DC because I am here doing aptitude testing.  It's done by a research company that has been around forever called the Johnson O'Connor Research Foundation.  Years ago, my husband Scott did this testing and has mentioned it more than once through the years.  I always thought it was so fascinating how puzzles and games and problems could somehow tell you what you were going to be good at doing -- what you have an aptitude for.  But futher, I thought it was interesting that he did it so long ago and yet still remembered the information he received and how it could see it playing out in his current career.  I have always wanted to do this.  And now, my career is at a turning point.  The job that I current hold will no longer be around as that "department"* is closing.  I am being given several options regarding my future, and they are all generous.  I am trying to decide if I should stay or if I should go, in a nutshell.
     So, when it was announced that the department was closing, shortly after Scott and I were having Mexican at one of our favorite places and I opined that I wish I could take that aptitude testing that he took so long ago to figure out just what the heck I would actually be good at.  He pulled out his phone, beep boop bip and found this site in DC.  Through the magic of work scheduling and the benevolence of a fairy godmother, I have scheduled this testing and just completed day one.
    I won't go into the gory details of each test, but let's just say that I'm not blowing away any measure.  My researcher isn't pulling anyone from other rooms so they can study and observe my extreme magical prowess.  She's just constantly reminding me that there's no right or wrong, no good or bad.  We are who we are.  Yeah.  That's great and all, but I'm Heather Fucking Lee.  I need to be a rock star at something.  Can we just go ahead and find that please?  Thanks.
     And so -- the date was a good choice because I was going to be driving up here and then doing the testing....  Except, now I want to go on Facebook and reach out to friends for recommendations and nightlife and blah blah.  I want to read the daily rants and raves.  I want to tell everyone about this test and that they should schedule it for their kids.
     I didn't go cold turkey social media.  I still have an Instagram.  I still have a Twitter (though I only use that during Big Brother and during Presidential debates).  But those don't seem to be quite the time-suck that Facebook was.  I have slowly started adding some news apps to review, though I can't stay in them too long without feeling my blood pressure go up.
     Still.  I deactivated and I did not die.  I am still here.  As Jerseyjert reminded me, I had a life before Facebook.  (What she fails to remember is that she was probably one of the most instrumental in getting me ON Facebook in the first place, but that's another blog.)  I am progressing.  I am even getting an article posted about this leap in (shamless plug) The Princess Anne Independent News.
Breaking into two posts,


*(I do not like to discuss the specifics of my career here to keep my personal and professional life as separate as possible, particularly given the nature of my current employer.  Please note -- if you make a comment which mentions my company by name, it will be deleted.)

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