and just one more quick thing before I let you go

After I posted that Arnold quote (about the duct tape), I realized that the reason that I don't just completely go off and say any old thing out here in the world wide web is because of Arnold. Because I WAS Arnold. I was (and am) weird and don't completely fit in. And not even in a way that I can put my finger on. I just do not know how to relate to people, to get close to them, to bond to them. I just don't get but so close.

I've never been quite weird enough for anyone to wrap me in duct tape and throw me in a dumpster, but I also have always known that I was really close to the line. I really understand that I walk the line.

And this prevents me from going off completely. It's the underlying notion that even if I metaphorically cover someone in duct tape and throw them in a dumpster by just unleashing all of my unfiltered opinions on them, it doesn't do anything but relieve the tension I feel because the person is different than me. Doesn't quite fit into my view of "the picture." I can go off and walk away, but then how about how the Arnolds feel? How to deal with the fact that this act has changed them in a negative way? How to deal with the fact that my name and vision will forever after be associated with something horrible and unkind?

Who am I to judge? Who am I to determine someone's destiny?

I am but a speck in the face of the universe and all I really want to do is to make sure that when I am gone, the speck that I occupied is not worse for it.

HPL

Julia is trekking through Europe right now. Maybe she will stop at an internet cafe and get a wild urge to check on my blog. And I will say, "Remember that thing you told me to tell you not to do? You're doing it again."

I wonder if she remembers this?? I tried to teach this to my godmother, because she is the one who instituted the "just one more quick thing before I let you go" phrase. She'll call for a quick minute and before you know it, it's an hour gone by and your ear is hanging by a thread. I tried to teach her about the above phrase, but so far it's not meeting with much success.