History, revisited.
2/28/05 -- I posted this story about my past and a pair I called Derrick and Vidalia. Here's the link http://thereisthat.blogspot.com/2005_02_01_thereisthat_archive.html
Vidalia's been creeping back into the edges of my life lately. She and Derrick did indeed get married. Scott and I ran into her and her husband at a mutual friends barbecue a few months ago. Got to thinking about the people that we know whose lives intersect. And I took a leap and called to invite her and her husband to our housewarming this weekend.
She responded warmly and was pleased that I had invited them.
I figured they'd come to the party and we'd exchange polite party banter and then we'd run into each once in a while and it would be far less awkward.
Turns out the running into each other happened sooner than the party. I was at the local college where I am planning to transfer this fall (VWC, for you locals) and she comes in almost like we had planned to be there at the same time and is paying for her classes and whatnot. Crazy! So, I'm getting ready to go meet with my advisor and she's telling me what classes she's enrolling in and what's available.
When I meet with the advisor, it turns out that the only class it looks like I'm fit for IS (who doesn't see THIS one coming) is a class that Vidalia is also going to be enrolled in.
Well, I just had to call her on the way home. It was too funny. (After all these years, I still know her number by heart because of a drunken night when I recorded her answering machine message.) I was like I know that you're not going to believe that I'm not stalking you, but...
We laughed. And it was nice to laugh with a friend that I had laughed with so many times in the past. I had a big smile on my face when we hung up.
The Vidalia story has always been one of the ultimate conundrums in my life. Why didn't she come to me? Why didn't we work it out? Why didn't I give up my pride? I didn't want the man, he wasn't right for me. It was NEVER, EVER about that. (No offense meant to the man, but whatever.)
And I think that I may have figured it out. V and I were good friends when this went down, but we weren't OLD friends. Our friendship wasn't strong enough to the withstand that level of drama. We couldn't have a fight and just brush it off. When we had a fight, it meant the end. It was the high school level of friendship, I guess.
Do I think we're going to become tight buddies again? I doubt it. It's water under the bridge and the bygones are definitely gone, but I think there's going to be too much awkwardness between us to ever get back to that level. I don't know.
I don't know.
You never know where life will take you, eh?
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6 comments:
Isn't that an interesting turn of events, eh? Kinda wierd to think about how long ago all that transpired. Hope all is well in your neck of the woods!
Love and miss you tons!!
Look, I just have to get my 2 cents in here. This is what I get from reading your previous blog. This "friend" obviously was not loyal to your friendship, she did not respect you as much as you respected her, and she valued a potential partnership with this guy over having a friendship with you. I have to say, I read your blog all the time and I have known you for the past 2 years. You probably don't want to hear this but here it goes. You have a hard time dealing with people not liking you, and that is understandable. We all want people to like us. But her rejection and her choice has had a profound effect on your self confidence. You are going to have to learn to let people go. This "friend" is still the same person. She may enjoy your company and she may have some qualities you admire, but you have to learn a lesson here. Take the qualities that you liked about her and apply them to yourself. Don't fool yourself into thinking that her only flaw was that she dumped you for "the one". She didn't value you, its that simple. Should you be civil, yes, should you be your usual fun and friendly self, yes, should you keep beating yourself up over this, NO! It is perfectly ok if not everyone likes you. It is not a reflection of you. It is a reflection of them. Just remember that!
Jess is that you?
Yes. It's true. I do have a hard time with people not liking me. That is more true than most people who know me are aware -- VERY insightful. That's always been part and parcel of why I am the way that I am -- sort of abrasive, fairly obnoxious and not overly fuzzy. If people get past that and still want to be around, then I figure they must genuinely like me and accept me. This is why there is such a profound effect on my self-confidence (again, GREAT insight -- I take NO offense) because she was willing to go through the Full Heather Jacket, still wanted to be friends with me and then chose to reject me over some guy. It's the rejection and the being second place to someone else that's so hard. Only child syndrome or whatever, I really hate being picked last.
And the "friend" didn't wind up coming to the house party after all and didn't call after. So, it's true, she hasn't changed.
I don't know. Who likes to accept the fact that they are not valued? It's a hard pill to swallow, but it is what it is and there are plenty of other people out there who wouldn't drop me over "the one".
I don't beat myself over it as much as I did a few years ago, honestly. I think what it really came down to was that I was really looking to see what would happen if there were a second chance to do things again. Because I do miss the times that we had before she turned on me, but I need to realize that just like those times were part of her -- so was turning on me.
Fool me once and all that other rhetoric.
Anyways, thanks for the insight, oh anonymous commenter -- I appreciate it all and agree with most (if not all) of what you said.
One of these days we need to get hammered and talk about this. Living sort of in the middle and sort of on the fringe...I am lost. And torn. But really really lost.
Catt -- You keep saying there's some piece of the puzzle that I'm missing. You often post a similar comment when the topic comes up but never expound. Expound or I'm showing up at your door unannounced with a bottle of wine!
Please, please, blog again. I'm so sick of opening this up and reading this over and over just to console myself because you haven't written anything new. Blog about the bachelorette weekend, anything, just not Darrin and Viagra!
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