The Truth Behind Why this Shit isn't Funny anymore

While in real life I am still mildly amusing, the truth is that the person behind the Heather curtain has been in a bit of an existentialist funk lately. That's right -- you KNOW things are fucked up bad when Heather uses the word existentialist in a sentence.

Here's why. I cannot for the life of me seem to figure out what is the point. Can you? And if so, can you tell me? Because whenever I really really sit and think about it, no matter how hard I try or what angle I approach it from -- I just don't get it. I wake up every day and I go to my job and I spin in that little circle and then I go take my classes and spin in those little circles and in between I have relationships with Scott and my friends and my parents and so forth. What is the point??

I met Scott and my friends and I love all of them and think they are wonderful and they think I'm wonderful and we laugh and we cry and we talk and we don't talk and we argue and we don't. But I could have lived two blocks over and I may not have met ANY of these people, it may have been an ENTIRELY different set of people and I would have a similarly happy or unhappy life as the case may be. And let's just say that there IS some driving reason behind WHY I met this particular set of people and why they met me -- so what? In the end, does it really matter? In the end, we're just going to die anyways and then whatever happens to us -- happens.

And does anything happen? Or is it just that we are so friggin' arrogant that we can't fathom the concept that we are no more eternal than the dust we supposedly came from?

I'm frankly not sure if this is PMS or fears about the future or what, but I just can't shake these thoughts. And it's not even like I'm depressed about it, though I daresay someone would argue with that. I don't feel depressed -- and I've been depressed before, I have some idea what it's like. I'm just in a funk.

Maybe it's all this philosophy crap. Perhaps learning about the nature of knowledge is not exactly uplifting. Frankly, I miss being flaky and not thinking about stuff. I remember when I used to be around people when they were talking about these grand epistemological views and someone would inevitably excitedly blurt "OH, I think about that ALL the time." and I would think that not only had I NEVER thought about whatever it was, it never would have even occurred to me to think about it.

How do you know that you don't know indeed.

I'm off to self-medicate with more chocolate covered pretzels.