Dear Jess,

Don't be scared. Jeff is a great guy and from the snippets that I have heard, not only does he adore you he has also been really supportive of you. That's not going to change.

It's important to realize that in the past you may have lost yourself and it's important to realize that is something that happens. I say this because I was definitely that girl and it's still something that I struggle with. Because one of the things that happens when you are fighting so hard to not be the girl who changes herself, you also can become the girl who doesn't compromise. Not good.

My friends who lived together before marriage say that marriage didn't change much for them. But that is because they entered into the cohabitation knowing this is the person that they wanted to be with forever. (More on this.) I think it is absolutely lovely that you feel that marrying him is a way to say that you will always be there for him. That is really rather goosebump inspiring -- even in my sardonic heart.

As for forever. Well, it's not real. It is a concept that exists in Hallmark cards and Lifetime movies and all of the chick flicks that I adore. It is a wonderful concept and completely worth striving for. But, forever doesn't really encompass anything realistic and practical. I'm not saying let's change it to "as long as we both shall be able to tolerate each other." I'm suggesting somewhere in between.

Marriage is so easy it's hard. Especially for women (like us!) who are smart enough to marry someone who is our best friend. I still want to spend all my free time with Scott and still do feel weird when I go off and do things without him. And I feel weird because as much as I love hanging out with my other friends, I miss him. It's okay to miss your husband but it's really important to carve out that time to be without him so that you can miss him.

Lately we've been hanging out with our neighbors a lot and they have been married for while. She and her friends kind of tease me for preferring to spend time with Scott and still being in that newlywed phase because they have grown complacent. I get that because I am the one who preaches that wisdom is not communicable. I KNOW that there will come a time in the future where I will be dying to spend time away from Scott and will barely remember these days of just being silly and in love. I know this will come and not because I believe that we will fall out of love, but just that time changes things and our feelings will change and evolve. So, in order to give that Future Heather some fond memories, I really try to revel in the time that we have together and enjoy it.

So, this isn't really much in terms of advice and may be not the right kind of inspirational but whatever, this is me. I'm saying -- enjoy this time, forget about being scared, and just soak up being in love and being young and carefree. Life brings lots of crazy changes and is just too darned short to worry about things not working out. Maybe things WON'T work out -- but right now, you are making a great decision and really embracing this gift that life has handed you and the future be damned!

Today's the day baby -- tomorrow's the bonus! Live it up, love it up and just revel!

big hugs and congrats,
me