TRUE CONFESSIONS

Here's the thing. I am sure that I have mentioned in the past that I have a competitive nature. I'm not sure how much I would have talked about this, since I am, frankly, ashamed of it. But, it's there. The shameful part is just how deep it goes.

For one, at work I have a thing when we have a potluck. I have this super easy Mexican dip that I make that there is slight variation in... You know, the thing they accused Martha Stewart of... Doctoring her printed recipes just a tad so that they can't come exactly how she makes them. The competitive part is how many requests I get to make it, or get asked what the ingredients are, or worse yet how much of it is eaten. I try to mix it up and bring other things, to humble myself by showing no one cares what I bring. But then, they don't eat the "other" thing and I'm back in the race again.

But, my true confession is about my competitive dating. Now that I am married, not much to compete over. No one's putting up a fight -- we each bought in. He says that I invent things to complain about, but that's not exactly true. I'm complaining because I am in the zone. The Fight Zone. I need to win -- we need to be The Best Couple. We need to be The Couple Everyone Wants to Hang Out With. (The last title is too long, I've got to tweak that.) We have to be funniest and most entertaining and most stories and best hair and best clothes and best all-around.

It' s a lot of pressure. And the problem is that I have low self-esteem and so I put a lot of pressure on Scott to be "the interesting one" in our group. I need him to be the stronger link. Again, it's a lot of pressure. And I wonder if I am the only one who feels like this?

Have you ever hung out with another couple and while you were driving home, compared their relationship to yours? Or just talked abouot some of the "odd things" you saw in the other couple? Did you ever wonder if they were doing the same thing to you? Did you ever wonder if their fighting was just for show? Or did you think it sure seems like they never fight? Are they this happy all the time? Why DON'T they get a room??

Do you believe that I am the person you can talk to about these things when no one else talks about them? Don't you think that everyone wishes that they could talk about these things, but doesn't realize that other people agree?

Or is all of this really just me??

And if you are in a competition that other couples don't even know that they are in, does that mean you win??