Melting Pot

So much stirring around in my head tonight that it's tempting to just spew out a bunch of stream of conscious stuff. Not that this isn't what I do already, but I at least try to make it make a little sense to those outside of my head.

Rhetorically speaking (don't write, this is not about you) -- what does one do when one feels like one can no longer rely on one's friends and wants to strike out fresh? Do you stop returning their calls? Gradually stop doing things with them until they get the point? What is the answer? It sounds cliched, but I really do have a friend in this situation. Ready to get out of past friendships, no matter what the cost, and move on. I see this and it's alarming to me. I don't want my friend to be alone and deny these friends. But my friend feels let down by these friends and refuses to just talk to them about it. Would rather just let them go then open those lines. It's hard to watch. I can't talk to my friend about it much -- just hope that we stay friends...

What to do when an old love pops back into your life unexpectedly?? Another friend going through this and called me to "fuss." I really don't have the answer to this, but because it's so easy for me. My past loves are very much my past. If I saw them again, I have no doubt it might be odd but only for the moment. I just love Scott too much, those other people are nothing in comparison. But, she doesn't know how to make the feeling go away. The butterflies are fluttering and it was totally unexpected. I, for once, had no advice. What do you say? I think she feels what she feels because it was unresolved and she's always going to wonder. That's why closure is so important -- it keeps you from passing out in the meat department when you run into your old love 10 years after it's all over.

I've still been friend-dating but it's hard when my friend loves her husband as much as I love mine -- no one wants to venture out solo. But, Jesus -- how the fuck do you ever get to complain about them if you can't get away??

My anniversary is looming and it blows my mind. I cannot believe that we have been married one year and yet, it seems so long already because we have been through so much already...

Father's Day this weekend. I miss my dad a lot. Much more than I ever thought I would. I feel for all of the women that are actually quite close to their dads and have a "regular" relationship with them. Dad and I never had that -- in fact, we were only starting to get close to something approaching one when his health problems started kicking in -- and yet I miss him every day. You just never think you're going to lose one of your parents (how careless, to lose him) when you're in your 30's. After all, my parents were at least in their 50's before their parents started dying. It just doesn't seem right. I should be better prepared.

It's easy to martyr Dad now that he's gone, but I know that he was no saint. In fact, I spent most of my life in opposition to him. We just couldn't see eye to eye. Even towards the end, the last fight we had was about Fox News. He really believed it was fair and unbiased. But, I knew that he loved me even though he couldn't say it and it was nice having that to fall back on.

Happy Father's Day, Bobby Chuck, wherever you are...