VH-1 has a show called The Best Week Ever that is one of my favorite shows. It's basically a round-up of all the pop culture happenings, but includes "real news" as well. This week if they were going to make a show about my life, I think it would be called The Dumbest Week Ever, because I have felt on the low end of the intelligence scale this week.

It started when we rolled back into town after my friend Katrina's wedding. The first draft of my research paper had been mailed back to me with all of the needed revisions. I realized that even if I made all the revisions and did them PERFECTLY the best I could hope to get on the paper was a C. And that's IF I max out on all the points she's allotting for the revisions. (I wouldn't be so marginal on the 'C' if this hag hadnt refused to accept a stage in this research paper process because we didn't turn it into her office when she wasn't at class the night it was due -- but that is a long story that just feeds my ulcer.) So, basically I'm looking at 'D' on the paper more likely than not. Which blows. I feel DUMB to be looking at getting a D on anything. I don't feel like a D student and it's depressing to realize that this friggin' class with this worthless teacher is going to cost me my 4.0 gpa. But, I also realize that part of my grade is based on my poor attitude about the class and my inability to take it seriously enough to really do the work -- which just plays back into my feeling dumb.

Next up, work life. I have moved to a new unit in the last month or so where my responsibilities are now 99% related to issuing Homeowners Insurance. The move means that I am now reporting to a new "senior." Whenever someone wants something that is outside of the box, it has to be sent over to an Underwriter for approval. (An example of something outside of the box in Insurance World would be an older house with old electrical systems; someone who works out of their home and has lots business inventory in the house; or someone who has a had a lot of property claims.) Before it goes to the Underwriter, my senior reviews it and makes a recommendation. My senior is somewhat old school and MUCH more thorough than I am. I came to work on Wednesday morning and three out of four of the referrals I sent over the day before had been kicked back to me because they were lacking information or didn't have enough of the right information. This, too, made me feel really dumb because, like my school work, I have always really prided myself on my referrals. I have often been told that they are very good, very thorough, and my seniors in the past have always agreed with my recommendations. But, it's a new ball game. One of my first seniors used to talk very candidly with me about other people's referrals and how they missed the same things over and over and how lacking they were in most ways. I don't ever want anyone to think that about me. I take my work pretty seriously (though I'll grant most people would be a little surprised by that) and it's really important to me to have people respect what I do there. Not because I'm interested in climbing the corporate ladder or anything but just because I don't want to make anyone's life any harder than it has to be because that just comes back to bite you in the ass. So, I felt really bad about that. Took a while to get over. But, what're you going to do?

And then there was the Wine Festival yesterday, for the personal life aspect of my "Dumbest Week Ever" show. I got really schnockered and made a bit of an ass out of myself, in front of my husband's co-workers. Oops. It was the strangest thing. One minute I had a happy buzz on, buying some wine, and then the next I turned the corner onto Full On Drunk St. and was flashing on-lookers. (What IS it about me and flashing my boobs whenever I've been drinking? I swear I never did this before New Orleans so that is the only explanation I can come up with.) I don't like getting that drunk, I don't know why I do it other than "it seems like a good idea at the time". But I don't like how dumb I feel the next day when everyone tells me all the stupid things I do. This makes me feel dumb. Other people get drunk and they manage to keep their boobs in their shirts -- why can't I? It's not a good feeling and I'm having all kinds of day-after remorse. Which is THE worst kind of "dumb", because you can't change it -- you can't fix it or make it not happened. I can't cover my eyes and pretend it didn't happen. I only hope that I have really learned my lesson this time and can be just a LITTLE more moderate next time. But, don't bet the farm on it.

So, that's it. The Dumbest Week Ever. I'm sure this is what led to my "maybe I shouldn't blog anymore" post. I'm just frustrated with myself for letting myself down. I recognize that I do have high expectations of myself and that I beat myself up a lot when I don't meet them, I just don't know how to stop doing it.