I started the folowing post from work a few days ago...

Talk the talk?

I am really starting to think that I am an introvert. This will shock the shoes off of most people who know me but I can’t think of any other explanation…

My best friend got married this weekend and I was in the wedding. It was a beautiful occasion – something right out of Bride magazine, swear. I was surrounded by her friends and those she held most dear and was embarrassed to find myself nearly crippled with the prospect of carrying on even the most basic of small talk. All I seemed to be able to do was talk about how I couldn’t talk. This is not normal.

I’ve been thinking about my social circle at work. I know quite a few people around my office but am close with but a scant few. And even then, close is in a “work sense.” I eat lunch with the same people every day and that’s an exercise in anti-socializing right there – we each read or do the crossword puzzle or both. When it’s the same people every day, you can only do but so much catching up and who wants to talk about work in the only break you get?

>>> And now here it is a few days later and I still haven't posted. I feel like I've lost my knack, my blogging edge. Part of it is this introversion thing that's coming over me. The inability to really relate to vast amounts of people the way that I used to. Part of it has been my friggin' writing class at school. It's EXTREMELY demoralizing to take Freshman Comp at 31 and realize that all the years you thought you could turn a clever and intelligent phrase were just a dream. I barely have the desire to sit in front of the computer and type out a phrase. It's just not what I intended... And then, I was introduced to Cattiva's blog. ("Does this mean I'm a grown-up" over on the side.) I love it -- it's got so much of what I started out blogging for. The witty little insights into silly little things that have happened. I think I used to be pithier. Or something. Now I feel like I'm preachy or whining and neither one of these things were where I want to be. That's just so cookie cutter and I'm not really about cookie cutters. I don't even bake, for pity's sake. Back to Catt in a minute...

I think part of that is because I started sending more and more people links over here and telling them that I was out here blogging and then I felt pressured to put out a good product and that just led to me either not blogging or whining and being preachy. (HUGE run-on sentence, and then I wonder why I get bad grades in English? Oy!) Because, I was telling all these people to read and I didn't want to say things to offend them or shock them or whatever. Silly. I'm just as likely to say things to shock or offend them to their faces as I am here in this blog.

So, Catt. She's out there, doing that witty anecdote thing and talking about her family. Sheesh, her tribute to her daughter just made ME want to have kids, for pity's sake. And we all know how unlikely THAT is. (Despite people holding polls about the question as a new parlour game.) So, if I'm not writing as much as I used to -- pop in on Catt's blog and you'll see what I admire in blogging. (Ish, what kind of sycophant have I become?)

I'm off to eat the rest of my dictionary and contemplate my introversion and the direction of blogging, etc. Maybe I'll chill out with the Bloom County gang for a while. I always liked that dude in the wheelchair -- Cutter John? What was his name?

You know who I mean.