Things are going pretty well in my life these days. I am always a bit reluctant to talk about that, because I really don't want to tempt fate. I think whenever anyone looks over their life, it will often seem as though some of their happiest times are accompanied by some of their saddest. I believe this is just the way life is, though. It rolls up and down and you just can't get too mired in either one of them because it just won't last. And that's not always a negative way of looking at things, because if you believe the good things won't last then it is only natural that the bad things won't either.

The reason that I am talking about this here now though is not to wax philosophic about how important it is to appreciate these things, but rather to talk about the enviers. The haters, if you will. Into every life haters must come, but I really want to know how to get them to go.

Scott and I both have friends who envy what we have and seem to want to have a similar niche of their own. A place to call home, a person that makes you feel at home -- as a friend of mine recently wrote me,"you really do have it all now, the man, the house, the horse, the sunset, the picket fence, the vineyard..." (Don't worry, she wasn't one of the "haters", she was just being facetious.) But these other friends, they wistfully mourn their station in life, but seem to make NO moves to trying to improve the situation. I mean, my feeling is that at least you could start by improving your attitude. Just try being happy for a minute, see if you like it. If you're not, why not fix it? Why are you envying what other people have instead of trying to get a life of your own that fits you and makes you happy?

I do not understand this.

I'm not going to put myself on a pedastel. I didn't work incredibly hard to get where I am and have what I have. It's not like I had to skip by a pair of shoes I desperately coveted in order to get my credit straightened out or to by this house. I did have to live with my parents for a few years, but hell I needed to get straightened out a little bit. And while I married a man who believes he is Superman, he is no more perfect than I am. Or you are. He's just perfect for me. And the thing that I learned is that you have to be open-minded in who you think is right for you. Most of my closest friends are married to people that I deeply believe that if someone had told them a year before they met them that they would be the man they married... They would have laughed. Outrageously. One of my best friends is relatively old-fashioned and has an "old soul" and she married someone 8 years younger than she is. Another's politics lean so far to the left that they almost circle back around again and she is married to one of the biggest Bush defenders I have every met.

So, you just never know.

I don't know... I guess no matter how hard I try, I can't fight the feeling that I am doing something wrong by being happy and revelling in how good things are right now. It really makes me feel guilty... Is that crazy? I mean, why should I tailor my emotions to not make other people feel bad? Is it wrong that I want to climb every mountain and all of that other crap out of musicals??

I just want to gloat, is that so wrong?? :)

The Fairytale Birthday Story for the 2 people who hadn't already heard...

It would be difficult to fathom that there is anyone left who has NOT heard this story, but just in case... (Copied and pasted from the email I sent out to all my peeps.)

For those of you who have heard the story ad nauseum, my apologies and you can skip to the link at the bottom.

My birthday was Thursday. (33 for those of you counting.) There was a lot of build-up going into it, because Scott was tense and worrying over my present. He was really worried that I wasn't going to like it. He was so worked up about it, that I was really getting anxious with anticipation. I kept throwing out things that it could be and they got wilder and wilder. My first really wild guess was a car. Scott just laughed and said, "Yeah, I got that witht the 30,000 I've been keeping under the mattress."

My second wilder guess was a house. We've been shopping for houses extensively over the last few weeks and we're pretty fried. Scott says, "Are you just adding 0's to the ridiculousness? And another thing, just WHO do you think you're married to?"

Then, on Wednesday night I had a dream that he bought me a vineyard. Yes, you read that right -- I said vineyard. Look, I had a lot of wine the night before, and I have always loved the movie French Kiss. Well, you can only imagine just how amused he was about that. He couldn't stop laughing about it, and he seemed to be really concerned about my mental state.

All in all, my day was good. I took the day off of work and had an appointment with a psychic. I won't get in to that, because that's a whole OTHER email. I almost managed to fit into a size smaller jeans and dress size AND found a dress to wear to Scott's sister's graduation the end of this month. Spent some time shopping with Mom and then Scott and I met up with some friends at Outback for dinner.

Now, I should have guessed that something was up when the sanctity of our marriage was threatened if I even shuffled the bag the gift sat in on our kitchen table. I should have further suspected when Scott casually suggested that some of our out of town friends should come in for a Thursday night dinner.

So, we're sitting at the table in the restaurant and he presents me with the bag of gifts. The first a tiara, because every Princess needs to have her tiara. Ever since the house hunting began and my list of demands in a home grew ever longer, I have been referred to as The Princess. I hate to admit that this title is truly far more fitting than The Queen, but what're you gonna do? We all have a good laugh over the tiara and then I was directed to pull the next gift out of the bag. That was this beautiful crystal castle. The castle was sitting up on a bluff and there was a mirror below it that reflects this magnificent amount of light. I really thought it was quite awesome and was very pleased that I finally had my castle.

I assumed this was The Gift.

I was wrong.

Scott said to reach in and feel around the bottom because there was one more gift. There was a rolled up stack of photographs printed off from the computer, and the first page said, "Princess Heather's New Home -- Happy Birthday!"

It was THE house. My amazing, wonderful husband had bought me THE house for my birthday.

THE house that we had looked at two previous times that when I walked in my heart sang and danced because I knew I was home. I had found a place that we could really build our life together in and enjoy and savor. The first time we saw it, Scott didn't like it as much as I did, but after all of the red-headed step-children we saw after the first time, suddenly he was able to appreciate the beauty of the home. But, we were going through a bumpy time getting the loan end of it straight, and Scott thought it would be best if we waited to make an offer until we were SURE that it was going to work out. The next day, after our second visit, he called me at work and broke the news that the sellers had already gotten one offer and were also entertaining a second offer that they really liked. I was heartbroken, but he convinced me that we would find another house. When it was meant to be.

Sneaky, eh? Yeah, he was the second offer they liked better. Turns out, we made quite an impression on our second visit because we actually got to meet the sellers. When they received the first offer, they had their realtor call our realtor to find out if we were going to make an offer because "they really liked us and wanted us to have the house." ( Allegedly, this is an unusual occurrence in the real estate world. Sellers vying for specific buyers.)

So, Scott gave me a house for my birthday and it must have been quite a spectacle to behold. I don't even remember much because as soon as I saw the title of the photo, I began weeping uncontrollably. Non-stop sobbing that I am sure must have alarmed many of the Outback patrons, not to mention my dining companions.

And that is the story of my fairytale birthday and here is the link to the house at the REIN sight. You can't read the description without buying the pass, but the pictures are out there and I'm sure that's what most folks want to see anyways. We close on June 30th and hope to have the blender whirring for a housewarming by early fall. We'll see what develops! :)

love and kisses to all,

Heather
Link: www.hrmls.com

PS: Turns out the crystal castle was brought to me in part due to the overwhelming generosity of Scott's dad and stepmom. Special shout-out to Pops and Linda -- thanks for being such an amazing part of the day, it truly is a story to share with your grandchildren one day.

Grandchildren?! Wow, this house really is messing with my head! :)

(PS BLOGGEES: Perhaps moving into and furnishing a new house will FINALLY give me something to blog about!)

If you're happy and you know it...

Today is my 33rd birthday, and I'm giving myself a present. From today on, I am going to accept being happy -- truly, deeply happy -- when I am happy and really learn to enjoy it and appreciate it. For too long in my life, I have downplayed the happiness I frequently feel in my life because of my various self-esteem issues. But, from today on I will enjoy being happy when I am happy -- especially knowing that it's never promised.

I think many people down play their joy. They feel undeserving or they feel arrogant or they just don't want to jinx it. Too much of the good stuff goes by because I don't stop to even realize how happy I am when I am. It's so cliche'd about stopping to smell the roses, but it's true.

Because when I'm not happy, because I'm angry or sad or bored or frustrated, Lord knows that I revel in that feeling and do not act like I don't feel that way. But for some reason, I feel almost shameful in my happiness, like it's wrong for me to appreciate the wonderful gifts that I have in my life.

Clapping my hands...

I'm not going to promise that I'm going to be a faithful blogger and that I'll be true. I can't give as much to the relationship as I used to. There's only so much of me to give and there's only so many stories.

We've been house-shopping, which is frankly terrifying. In the last week, we were dating a house but it left us for a higher offer. Who could blame it?

The house wasn't great, but it had lots of potential.

Now, we've found a house that has lots more than potential, but I don't know if it's going to work out. We're trying to get our ducks in a row with the financing after our mortgage rep shit the bed, as Scott says, and don't want to make a move on a 3rd house until we get something straight on our other two. We're old-fashioned that way. :)

But, I am really praying that things work out with this house. I just love it. It is our home. I just walk in and my heart does a little dance. It's a decent size but not huge. It's cozy and the kitchen is off the hook. If it doesn't work out, I may never meet another kitchen that inspires me as much as that one.

I mean, I actually WANT to cook.

And then after I cook, I could go relax in our amazing hot tub on our 3 layer deck.

Sigh.

I'm really trying not to get my hopes up, because apparently there's another offer out there.

Someone is vying for the hand of my house.

And I can't blame them.

I hope it doesn't become the house that got away. I've had that experience before and I was so let down that I wound up settling for this house. I mean, my street name is indicative of that, for pity's sake.

Keep everything you have two of crossed and I will let you know how it turns out.

If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.

-James Madison, fourth US president (1751-1836)

We cannot defend freedom abroad by deserting it at home. -Edward R. Murrow,journalist (1908-1965)