Thursday, April 30, 2009

I stopped blogging because
...of Facebook.
...because I feel like I have to write in little boxes so much at work that it felt weird to go home and do it again. (If you've never had a call center job, then this won't make any sense to you. And if you have, then, well it doesn't matter because you probably aren't reading my blog.)
...because it just felt like either I was bitching about my life in a non-funny way...
..........................or trying to wax philosophical too much
..........................or just had way to much hatorade.
I stopped blogging because it didn't feel like me anymore. I felt like I was writing to some imagined audience and the problem is that because I didn't know who that audience was, I didn't know how to write.
I thought my life wasn't interesting enough to write about.
Seriously, that last one... My life is mundane. I adore my husband and we have a silly relationship that is completely perfect for us and that no one else would ever want to have. We're perfect because we're perfect for each other. People in happy relationships know how we feel and people without relationships want what we have but they can't get it because they don't get themselves. And I get tired of hearing myself explain this.
I stopped writing a blog because it was never going to be good enough. And even if that stopped mattering, people were reading and I knew they were reading even if they were only 2, they had faces. I couldn't talk about them because they knew who I was talking about and how passive aggressive is THAT?!

So, here's something blog worthy. I'm finally getting inducted into the National Honor Society. At 36. I can't even bring myself to put myself to put that on my Facebook page because as proud as I am of having that accomplishment, I feel kind of silly at the same time. After all, they don't have bumper stickers that say "My wife is an honor roll student" for a reason. (Great marketing idea -- THEY SHOULD!)

Mostly I stopped blogging because of Facebook, but there was just another element of "another box to check, another thing to do." What did it matter? Who cared?

But, in truth, it was because I fear most being boring. What is that quote? Tis better to be silent and have them think you a fool than open your mouth and prove it? Fill in boring, that's how I feel. I will forever fear being dull -- THAT is the only child paradox that landed here on bloggerville -- I don't want to be boring and I can't stand being bored!


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